Perverts and Abacuses (or is it Abaci?)

How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

See, here's the thing: A pervert will arrive on this post, not because he will Google the word "pervert" (why would he do that?), but because of the word "screw". And not just because he types in "screw", but because he will, in his twisted mind, have a reason to type in "screw" and "panties", or something else and "panties". If he is a stupid pervert, he will type in something and "pantys". With a Y. Why? Because everyone knows perverts don't use spell check. Perverts and hostage takers. Hostage takers can't spell either, did you know that? Yeah, that's why they cut words out of magazines for ransom notes. And even then:

Have you ever said a word over and over again so many times that it doesn't sound like a word any more? I did that today with the word abacus. I had this awesome story I was going to tell you about an abacus. It was terrifying and engaging. One of those hanging-on-the-edge-of-your seat abacus stories, but totally original. It had a surprise twist at the end and everything. But then I said abacus too many times and it didn't sound like a word any more and I lost my story. So now I'm talking about perverts instead. Maybe telling the abacus story is like cracking your knuckles, or having an orgasm, where if you wait long enough, you can do it again.

Have you seen the phrases that the cyber-pervs have polluted their search tools with to get to poor little Nanny Goats In Panties? Here I'll show you:

cramming panties

ancient chinese panty

picture of goat in panties

picture of goat in pink panties

how to shorten your poo

kind of panty do female use in india

wearing no any panties thumbs

What does that last one even mean?

Mind you not everyone is interested in panties. To wit:

goats to hot slobbering

goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more

what's the name of a goat's house

goats in the movies

nancy grace strange caller about her twins it's not going to happen

It might interest you to know, that goat is indeed not for breakfast any more.

See?

Now you can get goat 24/7.

Like at IHOP.

Or Denny's.

abacus. - Hey! I thought I was all out of those!


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NGIP would like to thank PegLegStarFish for adding Nanny Goats to her blog roll. PLSF hails all the way from Houston Texas (OK, that's a relative term, but if you're more than a couple hundred miles from Houston, I can probably still use "hails all the way from", except for maybe Holly from June Cleaver Nirvana or Allison from WomenBloom or Feisty Charlie from Feisty Charlie who are also from Texas). Anybody else out there from Texas? Can I get a Yee-Haw?

ENNYWEIGH...... PegLegStarFish scares easily (there's a video and everything!) All you have to do is sneak over there and yell BOO in ALL CAPS.


NGIP is currently in Beancounters' In Basket. It's not quite the blog roll, I'm just there sort of waiting in the wings. Maybe I'm on probation. Maybe I better lay off the pervert talk for awhile. Maybe I'd better get some funny stuff up here already. No pressure or anything. Just.."I haven't decided if I want to keep you just yet. We'll see..."

I hate "we'll see", don't you? You need to plan your life, but your friend wants to wait until the last minute to commit, because well, what if something better comes along? So you lose sleep because you have NO IDEA of your fate.

Well, I just won't think about it is all. I'll just go about my blogging and not give it another brain cell. It's not like she hails all the way from anywhere. She's right here in Sacramento. And while I'm counting the days I have left on her site, she's counting the beans. I wonder if she has an abacus. Whoops! There goes another one. I'm beginning to think I could have told you about that darned thing after all.