Since there is nothing to do in New York City, I’ve decided to make up my own tour: The Nanny Goats In Panties Drop Dead Gorgeous Fire Escapes of Manhattan. It’s a short tour.
We pick you up at 42nd and Broadway right smack in the middle of the road, where you board trolley style. The bus, or minivan, or whatever mode of transportation we’ve managed to pilfer for that day, slows down just enough for you to jump on (or hop on, whichever you prefer – we’re flexible like that). We keep our medicine trunk fully stocked for those of you we accidentally drag down the street before finally pulling over because we can’t take any more of your bloody screams or the incessant begging of your traveling buddies to stop the bus (or minivan, or whatever). We’ll even provide $10 pint-sized overpriced bottles of water at a 10% discount. But we will charge for the bandages.
Once we’re moving and have picked up sufficient speed, we will then hang a hard left and barrel down 47th Ave and screech to a halt in Hell’s Kitchen. You will disembark the bus and be shown this crowning achievement in fire escapes design.
Then as you are all pulling your cameras out of their cases, the bus will burn rubber, leaving you stranded in Hell’s Kitchen to fend for yourselves (unless you had the foresight to tip your driver ahead of time, or if you bought something expensive from the NGIP Gift Shop in the back of the bus).
So, enjoy, good luck, and don’t forget to tip your driver and tell your friends!
Now, does anybody want to add a caption to this picture?
