Reptilian Fare

Yeah, so anyway, two heads and a shell walk into a bar...

I'm no political blowhard or anything but...

Tick Tick Boom

So now the clock ticks. The Jeopardy Theme Song loops. The water in the watched pot is heating up.

After a year of SALE/PENDING/LAST SECOND BUYER BACK OUT/FOR SALE AGAIN/PENDING/FALLING THRU/PENDING/ETC, we just signed papers at the escrow office. Escrow is supposed to close in the next 24 to 48 hours.

I mean, what could POSSIBLY ...?

Exactly.

I'll see it when I believe it.

Or something like that.

What Men Want

The following is a non-paid non-advertisement. Any opinions expressed therein do not necessarily reflect those of Nanny Goats In Panties or its affiliates.




While hanging ten on the Net, I stumbled across some guy bashing some woman's How To Catch a Man book by recommending the website askmen.com if women wanted to know what to expect of men. Going to said site with the expectation of finding articles that outlined such promises, I was immediately assaulted with a popup ad that I clicked off and was subsequently assaulted with a large ad that easily occupied 30% of the real estate. This ad clearly appealed to men by displaying a hot mama in her underwear looking over her shoulder at me with her breasts pressed againt the wall and her butt sticking out with that "Insert Your 1 Wood Here" pose. Within the ad was another Male Fantasy Based potential of winning the opportunity to attend a Playboy Photo Shoot and $25,000.



How can a guy NOT raise a tent pole over immediately assuming he would be present at a Centerfold photo shoot with the hot female photog, and the Miss December Boobie Triplets, rather than the more approprately karmic Male Book Author Interview photo session? I could see where you could look for intelligent articles at your leisure, if you were a woman. If you were a man, your eyes would automatically focus on the Top Ten Videos offered up for more brain cell atrophying activity. On my mission to find promised articles on What Men Want, I stumbled over links for the best Pick Up Cities, How to Handle Ex-Boyfriends, and what NOT to say to your girlfriend. I eventually gave up, because I have the internet attention span of a dart.

Book Review: Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself

Another book review, this one for Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself by Alan Alda has been posted on Curled Up With a Good Book.

Hermits Are Us

Me and the Mister work from home, so before the Isolationism cement dries, we try to venture out into the world with all you people. You know, to keep it real.

Yesterday, the signs of Hermitism were felt when one of us got annoyed by the owner of a couple of dogs letting his rascals loose to run around in the tennis courts across the street. One of us (I won't mention his name) kept thinking 'Why is this guy just letting his dogs run around the tennis courts to bark and pee and poo? Are dogs even allowed on the courts?'

When control issues like these pervade your mind, you've spent too much time at home having it all your way and the only way to fix it is to assimilate back into the public. It was time to desensitize.

So we jumped into the car and headed out to Borders for some literary and musical perusal followed by Whole Foods to load up on extreme fat smashing food.

At one intersection out there, we saw some idiot - oops, I mean fellow human being - blocking a bunch of traffic resulting in much horn honking and belated middle-finger flipping. Not on our part, of course. We are too civilized.

While cruising the produce section at Whole Foods, we witnessed one lady chomping on plums. Plural, as in, more than one plum. I guess part of our problem is that we don't live in the moment. We often consider the long term which requires thinking about consequences of our actions. Naturally this line of thinking flows to thinking about other people's consequences - how else can we properly criticize and judge them?

So there we were, wondering how the she-masticater planned to pay for food that requires a weigh-in at the check-out stand. She didn't look like the kind of woman who regularly barfed up her food, so producing the proper weight of her plums wasn't an option. Would she shamelessly produce two pits and expect the checker to estimate it? Or would she surreptitiously insert the slimy centers in between random boxes in the pasta aisle? We just didn't know, but we nevertheless spent half our visit in the store discussing it.

Perhaps, we were unfair in our judgement of this poor starving woman. Perhaps plums aren't sold by weight and she would have simply opened her palm at the check-out stand to report the number of pits, returning them to the confines of her pocket, or better still, dropping them in a conveniently located garbage receptacle nearby but not before ensuring that she was charged for them.

Or maybe, she was a quality assurance specialist employed by Whole Foods whose memory is so outstanding that she does not require a clipboard but waits until she returns to her car to report her results.

In any event, we'd had enough of you people for one day and came home exhausted from our jaunt, plopped on the couch and checked out the OnDemand pilot episode of The Bionic Woman.

Book Review: Fireworks

Curled Up With a Good Book has posted another book review, which I realize you could probably care less about, as if you're going to go off and read the damn thing, but it counts as getting published so it gets posted here, bucko! This review is for Fireworks by Elizabeth Hartley Winthrop

As Seen on TV Weight Loss Program

I'm on Day 11 of the Extreme Fat Smash Diet (as seen on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club). A friend told me about it when I was in New York last week and as it turns out she was recommending the non-extreme version of the book. Oops. But, since I had already started when I found out, I decided to keep going. In spite of the name, it's not that ridiculous. It's mostly fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meat, and lots of exercise. No white bread, white pasta, etc. I guess the "extremeness" of it depends on where you were lifestyle-wise before you go on it. I'm used to going out to dinner. A LOT. And to terrible places like McDonald's and Cheesecake Factory and Sam's Hof Brau. And I sure as hell wasn't doing an hour of cardio everyday. So come to think of it, it is a little extreme. I'm not sure what I'm going to about that when I re-enter the real world of food and leisure.






I've never seen the show Celebrity Fit Club, although Marica Brady (who is 50!) was on Craig Ferguson one night talking about it because she was on it. She's got a little Erin Moran thing going on, that C-List, has-been, insecure overcompensating thing. But she's thin and fabulous, unlike poor Erin who has that Michelle Phillips thing going on. You know, that unsuccessful, rehab, been-run-rough-and-put-away-wet look?

While I'm Up...

I figured I'd change my template a bit, too. I didn't like how skinny the columns were on the left. I wanted more room and God knows I NEED MY SPACE.

Say Goodbye to Snapshots

OMG! I don't know about you, but that thing was driving me crazy and it was on my own site. I found it to be pesky and In The Way and I do not do In The Way. I do not have time for In The Way.

And here is another thing that has pissed me off. I forgot to change my shipping address on my Netflix movies, and I will be in Sacramento for at least the next 2 or 3 weeks and guess where my movies are right now? They are in my mailbox in Los Angeles, eating away at my monthly fee. Grrrr!