Respect This, Farmer Bob

In celebration of International Respect For Chickens Day, I have transcribed a little ditty.

It's a song about a little chicken named Aretha (for lack of imagination on my part), who belongs to a Farmer named Bob (see previous lack of imagination reference). Farmer Bob is a friend of mine and while I was visiting his farm today, he took me out to the hen house where Aretha lives. As we approached, he called out to her.

It was dusk and an eerie glow emanated from the coop. Aretha, in all her blotchy yellow feathered glory, emerged from the doorway and a blue-white beam of light shone down on her down. She was wearing a white feather boa and she sashayed sideways down the little chicken ramp as the music started. She cradled an extra large grade A egg in her wings. Three smaller chickens appeared from out of nowhere to back her up (parenthetically). I'm not sure I got all the words right, but what they sang went a little something like this:

[ed. to be sung to the tune of Respect, as performed by Aretha Franklin]

(oo) What you want

(oo) Baby, I got

(oo) What you need

(oo) Do you know I got it?

(oo) All I'm askin'

(oo) Is for a little respect when you want eggs (just a little bit)

Hey baby (just a little bit)

'Cause I'm gettin' sore (just a little bit)

Farmer (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna leave my poop, all over this coop

Ain't gonna stop churnin' (oo) 'though my ass is burning (oo)

All I'm askin' (oo)

Is for a little respect when you grab these - (just a little bit)

Babies (just a little bit) when you want some (just a little bit)

Yeah (just a little bit)

------ instrumental break accompanied by circles of chicken scratching------

Ooo, your grabby hands (oo)

Rougher than coal (oo)

And guess what? (oo)

So is my egg hole (oo)

All I want you to do (oo) for me

Is use some damn hand lotion once in awhile (re, re, re ,re)

Yeah baby (re, re, re ,re)

And smooth it on me (respect, just a little bit)

When you want eggs, now (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out why my butt's a throb

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care, Farmer Bob

Oh (bawk it to me, bawk it to me, bawk it to me, bawk it to me)

A little respect (bawk it to me, bawk it to me, bawk it to me, bawk it to me)

Or something like that.

I guess you had to be there.