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Bath Salts: They’re Not Just For Breakfast Any More

You know, I’ve done some drugs in my day. Not a lot, but some. Okay, two. No wait – three. After all, I graduated summa cum loaded from Marijuana Humboldt State University. Or maybe it was magna, whatever, who remembers those things?

But mind-altering substances have changed since then and I’m too chicken to do that any more. And the latest trending drug to hit the markets is this stuff called bath salts. I don’t even know what that is. I suppose I should look it up. Hold on…

bath salts, designer drugs, bath salts abuse, bath salts high

(Image Source: Fox News)

OK, it’s a designer drug containing MPDV (methylenedioxypyrovalerone) and is sold in mini marts under such names as Ivory Wave, Bolivian Bath, and Vanilla Sky. This powder can be snorted, smoked, or ingested. It is labeled “not for human consumption”, and it’s totally legal (in most states) to sell them.

That seems kind of ridiculous. What on earth are they for if not for human consumption? Show me a guy who claims it’s plant food and I’ll show you a meth addict.

When I first reported that some guy killed his neighbor’s goat and was subsequently found in his bedroom, dressed in a bra and panties next to the victim and high on bath salts, I just assumed they were talking about your ordinary flowery soap product. I also assumed the underwear came from his Aunt Charlotte who ordered them out of a catalog for his birthday.

You would think people that crazy would be the same kind of people who would rather save the money and the trouble of getting dressed (more or less) to go to the neighborhood Stop-n-Snort and simply search the cabinet under the kitchen sink for some cheap and nasty blow.

And what are the nefarious moustache-twirling shopkeepers who contribute to this crap thinking? Anything for a dollar? Really?

I consider myself a compassionate person, until jackasses go nuts like this. Then I can’t tell you what I think should be done to them, because my solution, like any generic kitchen cleanser, is also cheap and nasty.

OK, I’ll tell you. But you have to promise you didn’t hear it from me because that’s all I need, a bunch of crazy people gettin’ all crazy in the comments section with their crazy talk, spewing stuff like: “How dare you profane my relations! He can’t help it. He’s sick. He needs help. He was abused as a child. I should know, I abused  him. And another thing… blah blah blah….. (plus a bunch of misspelled name-calling and incoherent cuss words and the whole thing in ALL CAPS, not to mention the abuse of exclamation points.)”

For the sake of pronoun efficiency, let’s assume it’s a guy. I would give him one last chance to go to rehab and the second he relapses, have him thrown into a six-foot deep hole with a bunch of White Lightning, or Hurricane Charlie, or whatever the nearest impulse buy section is selling and tell him to go to town.

Or maybe just go smack the guy who sold all that crap to him.

Twice.

With a hammer.

 

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45 Comments

  1. When I first heard about this stuff, I couldn’t believe it.
    Not to mention the people who sell it.
    Florida was smart enough to make it illegal: “3rd degree felony punishable by a maximum penalty of a 5 year prison term and a $5,000.00 fine.”

    1. Let’s hope every state moves to outlaw it, Lorie. This just sounds like horrible stuff.

  2. J. Bear Savo says:

    This shit is totally ridiculous. There’s been lots of problems with it here in Northeast PA. So much so that Scranton actually outlawed it within the city limits.

    Aside from bath salts, there is also a synthetic form of Marijuana being sold in cigarette form…

    1. I haven’t heard anything about it in Sacramento, so either I’m way out of the loop, or Sacramento, as usual, is late to pick up on trends.

  3. Linda R. says:

    Not just for breakfast?  Apparently they’re not for your bath either.  Or maybe it can be absorbed through the skin.  Add moisturizers and market it to over worked, stressed out women. 

    Any way you look at it, it’s bad news.

  4. Thank you for sharing, I’ve never heard of this drug before. I worry for our society and the direction it seems to be turning. Who are the bigger morons here? Is it the people using or the store owners responsible enough to run a business but choosing to put this stuff on the shelves?! Any store brazen enough to carry this should have picketers outside, with signs and hammers in hand! Unfortunately as a society we are all too busy to go to the trouble of making signs, let alone digging through the toolbox, and then standing outside interrupting our own busy schedules.  I wish we could all do more to hold some of these people accountable for their actions, or to, at the very least, embarrass them for their poor decisions. I think I’ll research who is selling this stuff in my local community, later tonight, after my appointments, dinner, putting my kids to bed and Modern Family of course. I sigh heavily and furrow my brow, but now I have to run or I’ll be late. 

    1. Rebekah – you couldn’t have summed it up better. I love this comment – you include all the aspects so well.

      And yeah, I’m better at trying to mock or embarrass idiots than to carry picket signs. This blog is my version of a picket sign.

  5. Slommler says:

    Oh boy!!  A hammer huh?  Is that it?  Well sheesh…not so bad at all!!
    Ha!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

    1. Somehow I’m thinking you mighta whacked him with something bigger?  🙂

  6. I had to Google this because I thought you were joking at first!  I am speechless! 

    1. I know, right? So yeah, this post has kind of turned out to be a little public awareness campaign, because look…I made you Google.

      1. I don’t think you can get it in the UK – yet! I shall keep my ears open for kids talking about bath salts though 😉

  7. Wow.  This little post touched quite a nerve in the cyber populous!  But you know what?  It should!  It really is scary that stuff like this has been becoming more prevalent in the last decade.  I’m going to do a bit o’ research…  Preliminary “Eeeewwwww, gross!” finding:  “Reported modalities of intake include oral consumption, insufflation, smoking, RECTAL and intravenous use.”  All together now:  “EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!”  I actually did hear about…and I’ve got to stop for a moment and wonder about the people that I know second hand…trust me, guys, I do NOT condone this stuff!…heard about how one way “to REALLY get high”, and I forget the street slang term for this, was to grind up your pharma of choice, put it in water, suck it up in a turkey baster and insert it up your…  OK…  You can do the math…  Seriously, though, I’m glad Margaret posted something about this because a lot of people don’t know about this stuff and even though she jokes around, humor is often a good way to disseminate information.  So kudos to you funny goat lady!  😉

    1. Thanks, Bryan. This actually was the ultimate point of this post. Because I figured if I hadn’t heard of bath salts before, there would be others, particularly parents, who had not heard of it either. And thank you for the additional “Ewwwww” factor, by teaching us even more.

  8. Sandra says:

    You just taught me something: bath salts, who knew. If I ever came upon them, I probably would have dumped them into a tub of hot water and turned the jets on.
    PS: Your writing is superb.

    1. Thank you for the compliment Sandra. Coming from you, that means a lot!

  9. lafemmeroar says:

    Anything “not for human consumption” is bound to be addictive and it will strike the curiosity of impressionable kids. I remember back in the day when sniffing glue was the hottest self-destructive past time. Everybody I knew walked around with a palm full of Elmer’s and sniffed away their brain cells. 

    1. Ah, sniffing glue. And then there were the kids who ate paste. Although I guess that was a different disorder. Because I don’t think eating paste got you high.

  10. Yeah… the old bath salt explanation.  The first tip off would be the $60 a pop for about a tablespoon or two of the stuff.  That would have to be some bath for that much money!

    1. A bath at the The Ritz , at least!

  11. Then again, that pic was from Fox news so…  Here (the best video I could find.  it’s supposed to be on nbc.com but I couldn’t find it…): http://tonightsforecastdark.blogspot.com/2010/10/snl-souping-trampolining-and-silly.html

  12. That should be “sells glass tubes with flowers in them for…”  Sorry.  I
    was just so excited that I sounded like a walking HBO special that I
    typed things out too fast…hehehe 

  13. If it’s down, sign me up!  Seriously, though, party stores (quicky marts, etc.) do sell some weird things just for the drug crowd.  One near me sells glass tube with flowers in them from crack smokers (and also sell the ubiquitous “chore boy” scrubbers to be stuffed in the end to hold the crack) and also started recently selling these cool anodized decorative…”things” that are circular and have a knurled edge so that you can grind off little bits of whatever pharmaceuticals you happen to be into and snort the dust.  But…that’s just what I heard…  😉

    1. Boy, you sure know a lot about this stuff. Suspiciously so, I might add. 😉 chore boy? Good Lord, what’s next.

  14. Jayne says:

    Anyone who wants to fuck themselves up I’m fine with, but when animals start getting hurt, I start blowing off balls and other body parts — and I do it with a big-ass smile, too!

    1. OK, I’m glad someone on the left side is not opposed to maiming others under the right circumstances.

  15. “Show me a guy who claims it’s plant food and I’ll show you a meth addict.”  Seriously.

    And, um, the fact that this shit is legal is totally horrifying.

    1. And when the spirit of the law and the letter of the law do not coincide, I get a little irate. And impatient. Sometimes the unfairness of life gets to me, man.

  16. Anonymous says:

    This stuff always drives me insane because those of honest hard working peeps end up footing the bill for the idiots sometimes for life after their brain is fried.  I prefer your method but I’m cheap. 
    I have a drug addict cousin who gets her monthly check and it pisses me off!  The person I loved died a long time ago. 

    1. Drug addiction is a sad sad thing, Junebug. It hurts everyone, not just the people who make bad choices. But sometimes I lose my temper at the stupidity of it all and have to let off some steam. With a hammer.

  17. Nicky says:

    HOW DARE YOU PROFANE MY RELATIONS!

    Nope, can’t do it. It’s just too messed up to joke about. How on earth can it be so complicated to make this illegal?? 

    1.  I know, Nicky. This is a tough subject to joke about. There are aspects about it that are definitely not funny. This is one hell of a dangerous drug and not just to the people taking it. Drug addiction is also not very funny. What always gets my goat is the perpetuation of bad behavior and the people that sell it are a good place to start when placing blame.

  18. Bobbi Olson says:

     I guess I’m out of the drug loop too because I’ve never heard of this drug. 

    1.  It’s a new one on me. And the lawmakers, I guess. I read it could take years to outlaw it because of the red tape involved in passing such laws.

  19. Shieldmaiden1196 says:

    It took three staties, three EMT’s, and a Paramedic to subdue the last genius who rolled into town on this stuff. His girlfriend was trying to bring him to the hospital and he tweaked out right at the township line, jumped out of the car and began threatening all and sundry. We talk about making us a ‘Stryker Sammich’ out of the next one– that’s where you immobilize someone on a backboard, strap it to the stretcher, then strap another backboard on top of them. They are paranoid as f-all when they call 911 also, which makes my payin’ job big fun. And nothing really kills the high; there’s no Narcan for bath salts; they just have to be babysat by ICU nurses with much better things to do until they come down. 

    1.  That… is some crazy S&^%. And who foots the bill every time 7 resources (not even counting the ICU nurses) are used to handle these morons?

  20. Pricilla says:

     The publicist says her brain got all twisted up trying to figure out how to pronounce that long word and now she is mad at you. She says that since I wanted to read your blog it is all my fault and now I can’t have my drug of choice, grain.

    Thanks A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    No one should kill goats.

    1.  I can’t believe you even tried to pronounce that word. I didn’t. And I’m sorry you’ve been taken off your drug of choice. Grain???  I thought it was apples. 🙂

  21. Having two teen boys, I find this pretty scary. Especially because teen brains are not fully developed…at least MY boys’ aren’t! Amazing this stuff is legal.

    1.  I’m still wondering what it was developed for in the first place. I mean, I haven’t found out what people are ostensibly buying it for. What are they pretending to do with it? Are they really claiming it’s plant food as one article I read suggests?