I’ve been living with this refrigerator for five or six years now and apparently, you’re supposed to change the water filter every six months–who knew?

They must have smelled it from Whirlpool Headquarters because they sent me a new filter, practically forcing it on me, begging me to do my fridgerly duty and replace the filter.

Now, before you start gagging at the thought of my not replacing the filter for six years, you might want to think about the guy who lived here before us who may also have not changed the filter another six years before that? Ha! That’ll teach you to jump to conclusions.

Why did I never change the filter before? Because it never occurred to me before. Which is silly because I’ve replaced it in other refrigerators. But this one is different.

You see, I began to grow fond of my filter. We became fast friends. I’d open the door and stare adoringly into the shelves of moldy leftovers and fuzzy milk and ponder what to have for lunch and Henry would gurgle to me (I’d named him Henry right away because he sounded like a Henry). I thought he was recommending ice for my drink or water to quench my thirst.

Instead, I now realize that all along, Henry was saying, “If you love me, let me go.”

Evidently, he was also saying, “I can’t go on like this”, and “What are you trying to do to me” and “You should have died by now from my toxic waste”…things like that.

Okay, maybe that’s not quite right, and ordinarily, I’d make up some excuse like how it’s similar to a cat pee stain on the carpet: after a while it just starts to blend into the scenery and you don’t notice it any more. Or you grow to love it and it becomes another member of the family.

But in this case, my excuse is that I had no reminder mechanism. In my previous relationships (with water filters) I was used to opening the door and SEEING the thing, which in turn would remind me to CHANGE the thing. My Henry, however, wasn’t much of a people person.

No, Henry was hidden away in a secret compartment. Downstairs. In the fridge dungeon.

I wasn’t thinking outside the ice box.

But then Whirlpool, in a hostile move, sent me a water filter…

and wouldn’t you know, it came with directions pointing out the fact that it was located in the fridge dungeon. Sixty seconds later my new filter was installed.

And now I will remember to replace it next time because they make you put the date inside the refrigerator (where, I might remind you, the FILTERS used to be kept, thereby validating my earlier excuse that by SEEING it, you will CHANGE it).

You don’t want to see what came out of old Henry, though. Or maybe you do.. Maybe you’re a voyeuristic sicko and I have no shame.

Ewwwwwwww...

So now I’m drinking non-toxic water again and coincidentally or not, the migraines have disappeared and I’m not that grey-ish yellow corpsey color any more.

We’re also using ice cubes again because before I found out Henry needed changing I just thought he was being a jerk in the freezer:

So, hyperbolically speaking, Whirlpool saved my life.

And unless you want a nasty letter from your appliance manufacturer, I highly suggest changing your water filter on time. Like maybe you should schedule it for the same day you replace your smoke detector batteries.

Wait, when was the last time you changed your smoke detector batteries?