Have you ever walked into a bar where the bartender says, “Hey, we don’t serve convicted felons,” and you open your mouth to protest only to follow his pointing finger to a dusty wall with a giant WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE poster with your ugly mug on it? Oh my God – me too!!! We [...]
Where is St. Martin? And where is St. Maarten?
When are you going to get it through your thick skull that spending a lot of money on your mom for Mother’s Day is completely missing the point? There is a reason why she puts your crappy stick figure art, or the crayon outline of your hand turned into a turkey on the refrigerator, rather [...]
I was going to tell you about Harold, my new pet tse tse fly, and how I came to be mayor of a small town in West Dakota, but then I got this very important email: I know! I’m totally going to be a spy, y’all! Oh, I hear your silly cries of warning, [...]
Exacting true and just revenge on spammers is impossible. And while I desire to maim them swiftly and severly, it’s mostly illegal in this country. They are pesky flies that won’t die and you swat and flail and miss. And exhaust yourself to endless frustration. That’s why I like to mock the ever-lovin’ snot out [...]