When we went to Tucson a couple weeks ago, one of my goals was to see a roadrunner. Locals kept telling me, “Oh they’re everywhere. You’ll just see ’em out on the roads.”
My husband, Mr. MudPuppy, set his desires on a plush cactus with eyes. It had to have eyes.
Turns out the locals lie (also I have bad karma when it comes to these things) and the above items were horribly elusive. We spent the better part of our vacation NOT finding them. We sought peaceful icons from the Arizona desert, but the place offered us nothing but violence. To begin with, Tucson was only interested in kicking our ass.
Then it wanted to whoop our ass…
Then it wanted to stab us in the ass…
After our authentic ass-kickin’, ass-whoopin’ and pear-pricklin’, we begged for mercy. “Please Tucson,” we begged. “Can’t we all just get along?”
I guess it finally felt sorry for us. Either that, or it heard I had a blog and could wield a mighty pen, because just before we left, we were finally greeted with what I was looking for…
And Mr. MudPuppy’s souvenir dreams came true as well:
p.s. No asses were harmed during the making of this post.
You SO make me laugh! I love Mr. MudPuppy's cactus, it is so cute, glad you found it.
It would be my luck not to see a roadrunner either, so don't feel bad.
Glad you didn't hurt your asses.
That is….phallic? The cactus I mean. The roadrunner is very birdlike. Glad you had fun.
The Whoop ass sauce is scary. I wonder how it tastes. Nanny G, any reviews?
That's a road runner? It looks like a regular bird with a bit of a hormone problem, but still. Not a giant, like I'd pictured. Of course, in cartoons. I don't get out much.
Sorry you didn't see more road runners. Glad you survived!!
I'm very happy about the ass-kickin' vegetable variety :))
When you said, “Roadrunner” I kept picturing the one on Bugs Bunny. The one that kicks the Coyote's ass! Are they really that small?
I like your last line. Funny!
Love the post, lol. But I'm sorry to hear that you only saw one road runner.
Have a great weekend.
I need to get my hands on that Whoop Ass Steak Sauce!
Sounds like an interesting vacation - but what about the goats. (I swear every time I stop by this blog I think of my sister - she had an affair with a goat once, every morning she'd sneak out at 4 am and disappear for a couple hours - she called it “milkin the goats” - yeah right!)
sheila - Would you believe I did not see ONE goat in Arizona? Perhaps they're outlawed there.
Oh, I want a cactus!! That's just too cute.
I've seen lots of Roadrunners but not in Arizona. All mine were in Texas.
I had to come over and see Redheadranting's comments for myself. Just saying. I want to see the Tuscan she drives though.
Hi Margaret,
Come visit me…I have a “Sunshine Award” for you!
Enjoy!
that was hillaroius. the cactus with eyes is adorable.
I lived in Tucson for five years and never saw a roadrunner. Did see some adorable javelinas. Did you see any of those?
Sorry your ass took a beating on your trip. And you only got to see one of those road runners. Wonder if they run as fast as they say they do. Have a great day.
In Texas we say 'gonna put the whoop ass' on someone. I made some 'whoop ass' salsa the other day….yum. I'm glad you and Lacy have returned from the great Southwest unharmed. As for roadrunners, I see multitudes every day. They are the funniest and most curious birds ever! You are the goat blogger…..I should be the roadrunner blogger. Lets see…roadrunners in bloomers….roadrunners in capri pants…..roadrunners in levis……so many options! Thanks for the post!
..but it's a dry heat.
Sorry. Saw 'Arizona' and had to say that since that's all people say in Arizona when you complain that you're going to spontaneously combust as you exit the airplane.
Did you actually try those products and if so were they really ass-kickin? Just so I'll know to stop and get some when we travel through. Funny post, I've never seen a Roadrunner either, seems to me if they're laying dead all over the road then they aren't as fast as I thought they were.
Don't knock Tucson, we're ass kickers. I'm gonna use that. *lol* you should of went to the Desert Museum here, you'd see a ton before you even got there! I'm constantly seeing them dang things! Thanks for visiting sunny Tucson!
thechickenista - Actually, I did go to the Desert Museum (more details in an upcoming post). In fact, that roadrunner? Guess where he was! And yes, Tucson was gorgeous. And yes, you ARE ass kickers!
Too funny! Ever heard of Roy D Mercer? He's got a can of ass whoop.
Wow, it sure seems like the people in Tucson have an unhealthy fascination with asses. I wonder if that's why McCain is so popular there?
My hot sauce days are over, but the brand names always cracked me up.
And come to think of it, I've never seen a roadrunner in Arizona either. What's up with that!
jj
Wow, people in Tuscon seem to have a thing about kicking asses. I'm glad you made it back with your behinds unscathed!
So one assumes that the answer to the ? did y'all have a good time is……………..wait for it………….
You Bet Your Ass!
Helen+ilana - HA! Good one.
That is a whole lot of ass kicking! I am way too wimpy for that stuff, I felt proud that I actually got a jar of medium salsa the other day instead of mild…then I had heartburn. Don't feel bad, I have never seen a roadrunner myself, I want too now though!
ROFL!! I have Roadrunners all the time in my yard too! And they are not shy…they are slayers!!!!!!! They look like dinosaurs for a reason…they are mean as can be!!! They eat meat!! Yikes!
Glad you got to see one though. They are cool! And that cactus souvenir is a riot.
Hugs
SueAnn
Now that was a kick ass post! Beep! Beep!
No asses harmed at all?
I'm filled with doubt right now — powerful doubt.
Great post! Had me giggling!!!
I didn't see any of those little road runners when I was in Tucson either. But maybe it was just because I wasn't looking for them…
I did it again.
Tucson? That doesn't seem right.
Now I've been looking at it for too long and it doesn't even look like a word anymore.
damn
redheadranting - you crack me up. And you're right. Who were the spelling wizards that thought up “Tucson”?
I would have left at least three more comments but I quit before I made an
even bigger fool of myself. You don't know how much this has bothered me all
day. I even went out and checked on the back of my car.
THIS IS CRACKING ME UP!!
I'm thinking Italy I guess. Tuscan with an A. Duh.
Never been to Tuscan, though I drive one. Lots of ass kicking going on there. I don't think I could handle it. I have seen a real live road runner before but I can't remember where it was.
Obviously, the folks in Tuscon have an obsession with their asses. It sounds like a smelly place. 😉
I love roadrunners. We get a few around here. They eat the cute little lizards.
Plush cactus? Ok. Hum…
We saw one in California. But no mountain lion. Although I'm not sure why I wanted to see one of those:)
So funny! Glad you got to see your roadrunner, and that all of your asses are intact!!
Thanks for the laugh!
You probably saw a road runner and didn't know. They are constantly getting run over by cars. That little mound you passed on the highway? That was a road runner.
Jrodius - LOL! You're probably right. I wonder if the dead squished road runners outnumber the live ones.
I love road runners. Occasionally, I'll see one in my area. Mostly, I see a lot of Wiley Coyotes, though.
LOVE IT! Especially the happy cactus with eyes! Do you know why you can't find any road runners there anymore? Wiley Coyote got smarter.
Katherine - so Wiley got wiley, eh? Maybe this time he finally broke down and bought the extended warranty on that last ACME item.
Woohoo, this Ozarks farm chick loves it hot!!! Makes me feel alive!!!
We have three roadrunners her about the Ponderosa. They can be a pest and when the snow or ice covers the ground, they enjoy consuming the winter birds I feed. Not a pretty sight!!!
Have a glorious day!!! :o)
Nezzy - ACK! Birds eating birds? Isn't that…wrong or something?
Seriously! I see road-runners all the time around here…but not when I want to. I think they have a sort of radar that drives them away from people who want to see them.
Ah well…
Like I said, scott_free, - bad Karma. It's me, not them. Stupid karma. I'm gonna come back in the next life as a roadrunner, knowing my luck. And I HATE the desert. Too hot for me.
You are my favorite comic relief and a jewel amongst bloggers. Anybody who disagrees with me, Imma pull out a Can of Whoop-Ass on 'em.
Awwwww, thanks, Nance. And you're a sweetie for saying so. MWAH!
I've been to many places in Arizona, hundreds of times, and didn't get to see a road runner once! Great post
Roadrunners are very elusive. I lived in AZ for years and years and each time I saw one, I felt like it was noteworthy. I lived outside the city, so I saw them more than people would see them who lived in town. Usually it was during my early-AM or dusk walks. Where I'd also see cardinals, phainopeplas (black cardinals) and javelina (look like pigs but are actually from the rodent family).
Wow, I used to want to visit Tucson but not if I'm going to get my ass kicked and whooped and prickled. Thanks for the warning, I'm crossing Tucson off my list.
Bummer on the road runner thing. When we stayed down there on our many stops we saw so many of them it was wild. Crazy birds….
Glad your ass did not get too whooped.
I love the desert. It's hot there.