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A Diamond Treasure in the Rough

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge
Day 6: Scatterbrained

So there I was, driving back from the Bay Area to Sacramento, bored out of my mind because I hate long drives, and because I hate long boring drives, I have to find ways to entertain myself, so I daydream, which you can’t do when you want to make sure you stay on the right freeway and actually drive toward your house, but I missed my turn off and realized it about 10 seconds too late and once you do that, you are forced to stay on that freeway until the next exit, which in my case meant getting in a very long slow line to pay $5.00 to cross the Bay Bridge into San Francisco and then try to figure out how to turn around once I got into the crazy one-way street-happy city so I could drive back over the Bay Bridge and go home. Which meant adding another hour to my already long ass drive.

There is something excruciatingly unsatisfying about cursing up a storm all by yourself in the car.

So I’m parked in line, facing away from home, with a lot of time to formulate what I’m going to say to the toll booth guy to get out of paying $5.00 and is there a place right here somewhere in this 25 lane horizontal monolith of asphalt where I can turn around because I don’t want to go to the city today?

Turns out…no.

But!

He did say that I could get off at Treasure Island, a spot of now touristy land halfway across the bridge, and turn around there.

sf bay bridge treasure island sign

Well, that was something anyway.

And then in my steaming anger, a silver lining presented itself. I’d never been to Treasure Island before.

bay bridge from treasure island anchor

So I parked it and took a couple of pics to commemorate what would probably be my only visit to this tiny rock in the water.

bay bridge and sf from treasure island

bay bridge and sf from treasure island 2

Not today, San Francisco. But here, take 5 of my dollars because I am an idiot.

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 This post is part of The 30 Minus 2 Day Writing Challenge and is hosted by We Work for Cheese.

Earthquake in a Bottle

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge
Day 5: The Empty Bottle

EQ-ZinSomebody poured me some wine a couple weeks ago and I really liked it. The problem is, unless this happens at the winery itself, I can NEVER FIND IT ANYWHERE.

This is why the Michael David Winery in Lodi is now my new best friend. Because they made sure if anybody ever gets a swig of their wine underneath some random bridge from a polite white-gloved troll, they would be able to easily find it at their local grocery store later.

Enter Earthquake Zinfandel. Now, I’m no wine expert, so when I initially reacted so positively to it, I figured it was my unsophisticated palette screaming, “Yee-haw! That’s some rootin’ tootin’ hooch!”

But when I later saw the price tag, I realized it was my pale blue box Tiffany’s palette commenting in a British accent (or more like a yuppy Yale graduate), “Oh, I say, old chap, the bouquet on this varietal really brings out the tannins.” Or something like that.

So when I recently had some friends over, I asked them all to try it and wanted them to be honest because I assume everyone is better than me at this sort of thing and was it cough syrup or was it a really good wine and they all said it was good. But of course they did. I was shoving it in their faces and wearing my hopefulness on my sleeve. What else were they going to say? They were guests in my house and you don’t slam the hostess’ choice of rotgut when she has been kind enough to bring you into her home.

So now I’ll never know if this stuff is any good.

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exes in my ipodHey, speaking of wine and trolls (and by trolls I mean ex-boyfriends), I had the pleasure of reading an ebook recently that was little different. It’s about a girl who grows up in the sticks and ends up in the high-end wine industry while experiencing various boyfriends and the music each guy conjures up. Each chapter links to a song that you can play on your mobile device right then and there to accompany the chapter. Kind of a cool concept I’ve never seen before. Anyway, the book is called The Exes in My iPod by Lisa Mattson and it’s available for Apple and Kindle devices as well as paperback.

 

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 This post is part of The 30 Minus 2 Day Writing Challenge and is hosted by We Work for Cheese.

Mobile Banking, And Other Reasons for Living

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge
Day 4: When Hell Freezes Over

When it comes to experiencing true joy in life, some people have their child’s first steps, while for others, it’s the thrill of skydiving. Me? I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about… mobile banking.

If you knew how much I hate “running errands”, driving to the bank, standing in line (OMG – standing in line! I hate that! Who stands in line at the bank anymore?), and nobody has a 30 second transaction at the bank, you’re standing there for what seems like hours staring at yourself standing in line on the security monitor, yelling through bullet-proof glass to the teller so that everybody can know your damn business.

But yesterday….yesterday my friends, I discovered what can only be referred to as pure consumeric bliss. Behold…

safe mobile banking

When I discovered this, I ran over to my bank, wrapped my arms around it and gave it a big wet sloppy kiss, right on the front doors. With tongue.

Now when I get that monthly residual $2.38 check from my recurring role on Wonder Years, all I have to do is slap that bad boy onto a dark background, take a picture and viola! No more getting mugged at 4:00am by a guy in a pastrami sandwich costume at the ATM. No more getting into paper cut fights with blue-haired old ladies over who gets Fernando the sexy teller to make our deposits.

The question now is, when are they going to approve the business loan for my Flying Pigs Third Party Pizza Delivery Service?

 

 

The 30 Minus 2 Day Writing Challenge is hosted by We Work for Cheese.

When February Became the Longest Month of the Year

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge
Day 3: Temporary Insanity

I haven’t checked the other participants in today’s writing challenge yet to see what they’ve all chosen to write about, but I’m willing to bet at least 147 of them have somehow weaved it into the reason for their participation in this challenge in the first place.

Signing up for a 30 minus 2 day writing challenge, while merciful for its February placement is still 28 frickin’ days, and I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m only thanking the powers that be that this is not a leap year.

However, I have been depriving my readers of frequent posts for months and needed something to kick start myself into writing more often, so not unlike a teenager choosing to drive their father’s car off a pier, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Not unlike a yappy dog nipping at the heels of a murderous pit bull, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Not unlike a woman throwing back a shot of Jose Quervo every time Justin Bieber gets arrested, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

And so you’ll forgive me as I grasp at straws for the next 25 days?

 

The 30 Minus 2 Day Writing Challenge is hosted by We Work for Cheese.

The Hangover

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge
Day 2: It Was No Accident

One Saturday night, Gerald the Elephant plopped his grey wrinkly butt down on his couch and began binge-watching a television show that his friend, Persephone, recommended. It was a story of a lovely lady who had three very lovely girls and had married an architect who had three boys of his own. All six children were born of immaculate conception, obviously, because in none of the episodes was the topic of ex-husbands or ex-wives brought up.

Gerald stayed up all night and all the next day and all the next night watching all 117 episodes never leaving the couch except to refill his peanut bowl and go to the toilet. A toilet was another thing you never saw on this show, by the way. You saw the bathroom lots, as the kids were always fighting over it – that’s right, 6 kids, 1 bathroom – but you never saw the toilet.

Gerald’s phone rang just as he was watching the credits roll on the last episode, tears streaming down his face over all the plucky drama he had consumed.

“Hello?”

“Well?”

“Persephone! Oh, Persephone!”

“I know!”

“When those kids went on the TV show to win their parents an anniversary gift, I just lost it!” Gerald grabbed another tissue, honked his trunk, and threw it on the mountain that had built up over the weekend.

“I can’t go into the zoo today,” said Gerald. “I’m exhausted.”

“I figured as much,” said Persephone, clicking her beak.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gerry.”

He could always tell when Persephone was lying. She’d preen her feathers whenever she fibbed and he could hear the squeaking from it over the phone.

“Wendy always comes on Mondays with her Mom and she always gives me her cotton candy and now you’re going to get it all.”

“It’s not my fault you marathon watched it.”

“You’re an enabler. And you’re squeaking.”

“You’ll feel better after you’ve had some sleep.”

“Maybe,” he said.

“Hey, have you ever seen The Partridge Family?” asked Persephone.

“How many episodes are there?”

“Not that many,” she said.

The sound of ruffling feathers and a small squeak came over the line.

“I gotta go.”

 

The 30 Minus 2 Day Writing Challenge is hosted by We Work for Cheese.

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