Politicians Engaged in Nebulous and Insurmountable Scandals, a political watchdog unit, is reporting that Congressman Anthony Weiner has scheduled a press conference today to announce a new endorsement deal with hot dog giant Oscar Meyer.
A spokesperson for the watchdog unit, speaking under the condition of anonymity (except his name is Nigel Grabhappy), says that he and Weiner met for lunch yesterday and that the congressman told him over a big ol’ bowl of beans and weenies that he entered into a $1.6 million agreement to push the porky product.
Grabhappy also claimed that Weiner will be appearing in a series of commercials where he will romp through grassy meadows and pink flowers with giant hot dogs. He will be seen snapping photos of them and posting them to his Facebook page with comments such as “Check out THIS weenie!” and”Relish THIS!”
At the end of each commercial he will have his back to the camera and whip around in true chipmunk dramatic flair and utter Oscar Meyer’s new slogan: “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”
He is also reported to be slated for a worldwide Fall Weenies on Parade Tour of 32 cities where he will cruise past each City Hall in a Weeniemobile.
Fans are encourage to arrange “flash” mobs to cooincide with his visits and throw underwear at the Weeniemobile.
When asked about Weiner’s own public claims that he has taken a leave of absence from congress to seek treatment, Grabhappy responded, “Yeah, that’s just a cover. It was really so he could take the time off to go on location to shoot the commercials and other promos. That’s what the press conference is for. So he can say that he lied about treatment.”
Representatives for Oscar Meyer have declined to comment.
The press conference is scheduled for 4pm Western Time.
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