We Pass The Gas Onto You

Can I get a show of hands ... who is sick of hearing about the price of gas? My God, if it's not on the news, it's on someone's blog. When are all you whiners going to stop complaining and DO something about it?

What? Oh, you want your cake AND you want to eat it? You people make me sick. Stop driving, already! Take the frickin' bus! That's inconvenient, you say? You have to take 5 busses to get to work? AND you'd have to walk half a mile from your house to get to the bus stop? Well boo-hoo! You should have thought of that BEFORE you had to buy the big-ass house in the burbs.

And I didn't twist your arm to buy that gas-guzzler you commute to work all by your greenhouse-gas-spewing self in, did I? No. I told you to get the Prius, but you HAD to have the behemoth that doesn't even fit in your garage. Okay, it fits in your garage, but nobody can get out of that monster after you pull into it, CAN they?

And now, here you are bitching about gas prices and bitching about how you're sick of hearing about it on the news. I saw you raise your hand earlier. I'm so disgusted with you right now, I shouldn't even tell you this, but...

There's this website called MyGallons.com. You can lock in a price of gas now, so that when gas prices rise, you still pay the old price. Oh, I can see that little hamster spinning the plastic wheel of saved pennies in your puny brain. Speaking of which, did you ever think of walking to work? Biking to work? Voting for people who won't cause your gas prices to rise? No. Because all you ever think about is yourself. And what you want NOW.

Well, I hope you load up on $4.50 gas and the price falls. I hope you max out your splitting-at-the-seams credit card with that gassy website and then I hope you choke on it.

I can't believe I'm even helping you. Just don't say I never gave you nuthin.

And now, if you'll excuse me, my converted school bus is double-parked. And I left the engine running.


[UPDATE:  NGIP should stress that it does not endorse the gassy website, particularly as it got an F from the BBB, so buyer beware! Thanks, ExploreSacto!]



* * * NGIP SHOUT OUTS * * *

When was the last time you read a good colonoscopy story? Never. That's when. JD from I Do Things So You Don't Have To wrote this gut-wrenching tale that is not to be missed. Why? Because it's funny as hell, that's why. Plus, that story won an award from Babs at Beetle Blog. Now, I don't know if your neck of the woods realizes the prestige that comes with a Glass Poo award, but at NGIP, it's awesome to behold. You can go to this post to see it. It looks like poo. Made of glass. And the best part about it? She doesn't have to give it to five other people. I should give Babs an award for that because, did I ever mention that I'm an Anti-Memite?

And in the interest of sticking it into rant-reverse, Lisa at Boondock Ramblings, who has been so generous as to add NGIP to her blogroll, wrote a beautiful post about how fabulous her mother is. It's honest, sincere, and moving without getting too gushy. Or, I don't know, maybe it is gushy, but I liked it. It's called My mom, my best friend.