Independence Day represents more of what this country is about than any other holiday. And on this Independence Day, I have never been more proud to be an American by celebrating the founding of this great nation with a proper mashup of our justice system and America’s favorite pastime: watching television. If you love this [...]
crime
Bath Salts: They’re Not Just For Breakfast Any More
You know, I’ve done some drugs in my day. Not a lot, but some. Okay, two. No wait - three. After all, I graduated summa cum loaded from Marijuana Humboldt State University. Or maybe it was magna, whatever, who remembers those things? But mind-altering substances have changed since then and I’m too chicken to do [...]
Reality TV Defense: It’s The Latest Thing, Man
I call it the “Balloon Boy” defense, named after that bozo who reported his son was drifting away into the sky in a flimsy foil balloon. He videotaped his shenanigans, unnecessarily wasted a bunch of taxpayer dollars and resources to “save” his son, and captured mass media attention. Later, after it was discovered he was [...]
Next Thing You Know, They’ll Ban Babies From Driving
Yesterday, as I was hanging Grandpa’s incontinence diapers on the clothesline (because I’m eco-friendly like that), I was contemplating the government’s reactionary policy. For example, we know that cell phone usage in our cars has been outlawed only because many people have died as a result of distracted people taking to the road. I can [...]
