I remember my first time. I was ten years old at my aunt’s house off of Fruitridge Road in Sacramento. We were probably prancing around all scantily clad, itching to jump into some doughboy fun, but we had to eat lunch first and wait twenty minutes, and ….heyyyyy…. did you think I was talking about sex? No? Then why do you have that look on your face like I was about to talk about sex? At ten years old? This was the 70s, you pervert. Back then, that hippie free love didn’t start until we were at least eleven.
So anyway, my aunt made these tuna sandwiches with Miracle Whip and I thought, Oh my sweet Lord, what manna from Heaven is this? I knew I couldn’t ask my mother to change her ways from mayonnaise so I coveted and craved and longed for Miracle Whip the rest of my childhood. (My aunt also used genuine Kraft Macaroni and Cheese whereas my frugal mother insisted on some generic phony baloney “Macaroni and Cheddar” crap that was all wrong with elbow noodles and it was NOT the cheesiest but that’s another rant for another day).
Anyway, several weeks or months ago, there was a war going on over at the Tribal Blogs forum (this blogger’s network I belong to) about the evils and virtues of mayonnaise and Miracle Whip. It all started with a poll and people took sides and began throwing spears. I would ask which you prefer, but I see now that polls are not uniters, they are polarizing dividers. Can’t we all just get along?
However, I did learn one thing. You will look like an absolute dingbat if you try to get into a debate about what kind of mayonnaise is better, particularly Hellman’s vs. Best Foods because they are the same company, but sold in different geographic locations where the divisions are:
1. The U.S. west of the Rockies, and
2. The rest of the world.
In other words, you people with the funny accent pronounce Best Foods like this: Hellman’s. Or maybe you just say MANN-NAYS. Or do you say MAYO? Or MAYO-NAYS?
Not that it matters because it’s Miracle Whip anyway is all I’m sayin’.
Oh wait! One more thing. Nanny Goats in Panties came in 3rd place in the Sacramento News and Review’s 2010 “Best Of” Guide this week for Best Blog. Rumor has it NGIP is listed on Page 40 of the print edition. Huzzah!
Also?
Miracle Whip.
I was in on that Mayo v. Hellmann’s smackdown and I stand by my initial statement. Give me Kraft or give me death.
Well, not really death. If all you have is Hellmann’s or its evil cousin Miracle Whip I’ll take yellow mustard. And I can see that we are in different camps on this, so I’ll agree to disagree with you NannyG.
Nope. Real Mayonnaise, Solid White (Light Tuna is pronounced “Friskies” in our house) Tuna in WATER (not oil-just gross) on split top white bread (nothing organic with twigs and sticks poking out of it). Sweet gerkins on the side. No dill pickles. Humpty Dumpty Barbeque Potato Chips (Regional, but Lays is ok for a substitute). Anything else is an abomination.
Margaret,
You’ve got it wrong. Mayo-nays rules! Miracle Whip is a poser…what is it, anyway? Mayo, mayo, mayo…nanny, nanny, boo-boo.
Think I’ll go make a tuna sand.
Totally depends on the use. Turkey sandwich: Mayo. Bologna or american cheese sandwich: Miracle Whip. Tuna salad: 1/2 and 1/2 baby.
I’m so hungry now.
Congrats on the award.
Sorry I can’t hang out with you anymore you anti-mayo loser.
And I mean that in the nicest way.
I’m a Hellman’s girl! I’ve always hated Miracle Whip. Here lately though I have been using it for my chicken, pasta, and egg salads and I have to say, it tastes better than mayo for salads! Don’t ya dare put that crap on my sandwich though! LOL The fatty in me will get angry!
Congrats!
Also -
Best Foods.
I love Miracle Whip! It’s what I grew up with. Although I do prefer mayo when making potato salad. And you are right: tuna salad with Miracle Whip is fabulous! Mmmm…
How can you call Miracle Whip evil when it has “Kraft” on the label? Can’t it just be forgiven by association or something?
Mmmmm, Friskies sandwiches. I agree about water vs. oil in the tuna, bleck! Plus it seems so dangerous when trying to drain the tuna with all that slipperiness and sharp edges.
Miracle Whip may be a poser, but it’s a delicious poser! I must have been born with a vinegar spoon in my mouth or something. Yes, all this talk of bread and tuna and salad dressing makes me want to make a sandwich too!
Ha! And I took it in the nicest way. Really. Thank you. You flatter me. Speaking of which, where are my Miracle Whip homeys? I’m starting to feel alone in this!
Ohhhhh, look at you, getting all complicated and chef-like. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anybody doing it 1/2 and 1/2. I’ll have to add that to the peace talks agenda.
Wow, this is a blast from the past! My family were die-hard mayo-ites, but a little friend made us lunch once and substituted MIRACLE WHIP (s*men of the devil…). The real crime was that she insisted that it was the SAME AS MAYONNAISE! This is one childhood trauma that haunts me to this day.
And the Best Foods vs Hellman’s… I moved to the west coast from east of the Rockies, and was horrified to find NO HELLMAN’S for sale anywhere. It took some disgusting trial & error to discover that it’s known as Best Foods here.
Ahhh, good times.
Ah, someone from this side of the Rockies. Yes!
I just use Miracle Whip for sandwiches. On salads, I use salad dressing. I know, I know, it says “salad dressing” on the jar of Miracle Whip, but that’s ridiculous and they shouldn’t sell that because I’m not buying it. Except for my sandwiches.
Yay! My first compadre today! Welcome my MW-loving friend!
Miracle Whip is SO awful that I ask anytime I eat out if there’s a chance it might be in what I am ordering. Mayo all the way, all the time!
Hmm (taps the side of her temple) you make an interesting point. Alright, it’s forgiven by association but it’s forgiven grudgingly.
If you just want a flavorless blob of white stuff on your sandwich mayo is fine…But give me flavor, give me Miracle Whip! (Well Miracle Whip Light, because I’m watching my figure!)
My thoughts on this subject? Miracle Whip. Tho I do also like Mayo-nnaise. And I remember my first time. I wasn’t scantily clad, but I was probably around 10 or so. We were helping a neighbor with a garage sale, and she made bologna sandwiches with Miracle Whip. My reaction was similar to yours.
Dayum. Now I want me a bologna sammich with a slathering of MW.
This goat does not do sandwich sauces because this goat does not do sandwiches. But the publicist is all about the Hellmens until she moved to Montana and then she had to be all about the Best Foods
Ha! The Age Old Dilemma! I LOVE Hellman’s Mayonnaise. I live in Connecticut. I was born in Massachusetts. If it is called ‘Best Buy’ elsewhere, I accept that.
Oh- but Miracle Whip!!! Sweet and sassy! Fewer calories! AND… mixed with Grey Poupon? The MOST AMAZING sauce/topping/dip for smoked salmon there ever was.
I am a mayonnaise whore. It’s all good.
Claiming that MW is the same as Mayo is a crime. s*men of the devil? I’ve never heard it described that way before. In fact, I’ve never heard ANYTHING described that way before.
eww.
Yes! And we chalk one more up for the MW team!
If I felt the same way you do about Miracle Whip, and I don’t, I would probably do the same thing as you.
Miracle Whip is indeed one of God’s great inventions. It’s comes from nature and everything, right?
Mixed with Grey Poupon? I’ve never tried that. And now I’m going to.
Pricilla, though I understand your lack of desire for anything sandwichy, you may not even know what you’re missing. But my Miracle Whip would be like your apples. Mmmmmm, apples.
We’re Hellman’s LIGHT mayo consumers in my house. (The light blue lid/label one.) My mom gets the Hellman’s faux-mayo at her house (dark green lid/label) - the one that uses canola oil and a bunch of other weird stuff that pretends to be mayo. It doesn’t look like mayo, it doesn’t taste like mayo *and* it has HFCS in it, which, huh?!? Mayo should be eggs and lemon, baby. Not HFCS and lots o’ chemicals. That stuff is just wrong, even if it is sold under the Hellman’s label.
While I am a die-hard HM girl, I will confess that I had a friend growing up who lived in a MW house, and I found the MW quite delightful. However, I can’t buy it as I am married to a staunch HM man. (Took him *years* to stop grumbling about the switch from the dark blue lidded, full-strength mayo to the light blue lidded, light mayo.)
To be completely gourmet and snobby, allow me to point out that the best mayo in the whole world (oh and for the record, this lifelong Yankee grew up saying “man-nays” but jokingly will say “may-yo-nays” and usually just calls it mayo), is Alton Brown’s homemade mayo.
Recipe here: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/mayonnaise-recipe/index.html
I have made it before and it is fantabulous. Sort of mayo with a hint of MW.
Lastly, congrats on the blog award. Nice to have my personal feelings about the fantabulousness of your blog confirmed by the press.
Is Miracle Whip even real food? Isn’t it like that “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” stuff that tastes like butter but is made from recycled motor oil? I like the Hollywood brand Safflower Oil all natural mayo. Stop gagging. I bet you haven’t even tried it. It’s very high in vitamin E. But it’s kind of expensive, so right now I’m buying generic brand mayo. More than you really cared to know, right? Congrats on your blog placing in the Sacramento Bee.
Huzzah is right! Go you and NGIP!
I don’t care for either Mayo or miracle whip, so I don’t have a dog in the fight.
Im a lover of Hellman’s Real MAYO-NAYS! But I have nothing against Miracle Whip enthusiasts!
My story was yours in reverse. My mother used Miracle Whip and the first time I tasted Hellman’s I fell in love. . .
Just like the first time I tasted real butter instead of Fleischman’s margarine!
At the risk of sounding like a total philistine - HM, MW, Kraft, it’s all the same to me. Congratulations on showing in the “Best of” contest!
I hear you on the butter thing! We too were a margarine family (I thought all butter was “Parkay” growing up) and the first time I experienced real butter (besides restaurants where everything always tastes better, so I figured all Parkay tastes more wonderful since it was being served restaurant-style in teeny-tiny pats or containers) I thought I’d died and gone to Heaven.
I have never, ever, EVER in my adult life purchased any non-butter type butter product. Never again will margarine cross these lips - I want all my chins to be butter-related, thankyouverymuch. Likewise, I’m training my kid to only love butter (which she does, thank goodness). Someday she may cross over to the margarine camp, but for now I’m raising her right.
Well you must have saved your money and bought your own Miracle Whip as a teen because I distinctly recall that sandwiches at your house came with Miracle Whip and many times, that beef stick from Hickory Farms.
That was strange to me because my household always used mayo. Well actually that’s not quite true. In my earlier years, it was mustard only on the rare occasion we had bologna instead of PB & J. But then I had a similar situation as your’s where my grandmother made me a bologna sandwich with just mayo. I was hooked.
Oh, and regarding Best Foods, Kraft, Hellman’s, or whatever, as long as it’s real mayo and not light, low fat, or any other modified version, I’m fine with it. There’s just some things you can’t “lighten” and mayo is one of them.
I’m for Mayonaise - can’t stand ‘Miracle Gyp’
Miracle Whip for everything - It has the tangy zip! And for some reason we call it mayo…
I vote for Miracle Whip! It tastes tangy! Only I call it May-Naze.
I grew up with Miracle Whip, so I never acquired a taste for mayonnaise until I was older. But I still have to have Miracle Whip on turkey sandwiches… mayo just doesn’t cut it there.
Regarding this whole mayo vs miracle whip debate, the real question is, why can’t I ever finish a jar before the expiry date runs out?
I have to admit, they are both on the slimy side. I try not to think about that as I slather it on.
I know! What’s up with that? Me too! With all kinds of stuff! I keep digging through my cabinets and finding food that expired 3 years ago. Every day it seems!
May-Naze. Yes! That’s the spelling I was looking for. I think that’s how I said it as a child.
You’re right, Nicky…..
Philistine!
Really? So maybe I only had to wait 3 or 4 years instead of 8. But when you’re a kid waiting even one week for anything seems like forever, so that might be why I propel it into college. I totally believe you though because you pulled out the beef stick. So to speak.
I don’t know if you can lighten anything and not have it be wrong. Except Diet Coke. I’m just plain used to that zero calories bag of chemicals. As opposed to the full sugar version bag of chemicals.
Isn’t HFCS in everything these days? Or at least corn is in everything. I read somewhere that even McDonald’s hamburger wrappers or containers are made from corn. Which means, theoretically you can eat them, right? I wonder how many calories are in a big mac holder. Or a straw. Or a Happy Meal toy.
I’ll admit I’ve never heard of Hollywood brand Safflower Oil all natural mayo. That’s quite a long name for mayo. And to be honest, I don’t know if MW is real food. I always just assumed it was just mayonnaise with vinegar or something. Of course, Diet Coke isn’t real food either and I should probably stop OD-ing on that as well.
NOOOOOOoooooooo———-Hellman’s mayo……hated the cloying sweetness of the Miracle Whip…….had two roomies in college who almost came to blows over this very debate, but I think it had more to do with the fact they hated one another.
Re the blog? That’s crazy-cool. Congrats!
Though I read in Whole Foods mag that tuna packed in oil is more nutritious for you…although I agree it is a slippery dangerous mess…