Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells. Dashing through meadows, With an OCD-like mind, O’er the hills he goes, Did I mention he’s half blind? First he hides an egg, Obsessing where it lies, Then tragically he’s forced to beg, For mercy as he dies - Oh! “What’s that noise? Punk-ass boys, Stealing all my […]
holidays
April Fools’ Pranks: How To Avoid Them in 10 Easy Steps
Today is April Fools’ Day. In order to avoid utter humiliation and all things “pranky”, please adhere to the following instructions: Do not answer your phone. Do not answer the door. Do not leave the house. Do not check your email. Do not read any text messages. Do not surf the internet. This includes Facebook […]
The Battle of the Fruitcake: A Christmas Song
And now, a sentimental Christmas song about love for your fellow man. To be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells: Dashing through the store, They’re turning out the lights, They close at half past four, The fruitcake’s in my sights, I lunge for the last cake, And so does some strange man, “It’s Christmas […]
