Have you ever been seated at a drug store soda fountain, only to be stared at, approached, and accosted by a Hollywood agent? OMG! Me too!
Not really.
And although I’m no supermodel and although I’m firmly entrenched in middle age, I somehow feel perfectly entitled to engage in what the skinny youth are doing these days. And these days, it’s participating in the latest nail fashion trends that shall remain nameless because I don’t know what it’s called, but what you do is paint your nails and then apply glitter polish to one nail. Like this:
I know. I have man hands. Or man knuckles. Or something. You’re probably thinking this picture comes straight out of Drag Queen Cosmo Couture magazine. To which I would reply, “Oh really? Do you subscribe? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” (and that’s TWO Seinfeld references for you, Meleah.)
Anyway, I was wondering if you’d do me a favor. If you or someone you know is a teenager, would you ask them if I’m totally violating some fashion protocol by pointlessly clinging to the shreds of my youth? I mean, it’s not like I’m so with it that I did it right away. I feel that I, like any true age-appropriately-late-to-the-party dork, I am behind this trend by at least 6 months.
With my luck, it’s a dying fad already, because I’ve only witnessed two others doing this. And when I find people staring at my hands, trying to figure out what’s wrong with them, I have to point out that, yes, it’s not a bruise.
They are clearly not aware of this tray sheek act.
I’m disappointed that people aren’t nearly as effusive about it as I am. I feel I have to convince them that it’s the latest thing and they just look at me as if I have an Octopus on my head and are afraid to tell me that I have an Octopus on my head because it might hurt my feelings. Maybe I’m doing it on the wrong finger (that’s what she said - sorry).
What I mean is, the one almost-adult I saw doing this had the glitter on her middle finger. But I was told you were supposed to do it on your ring finger. Maybe I’ve been duped. Maybe only Cool Kid Club members got the secret newsletter that said:
Always, always, ALWAYS put the glitter on your middle finger.
Only drag queens glitter up their ring finger.
And there’s probably some name for THAT too. Like, “Man Digit Sparkles”, or something like that.
That’s right. Now I’m a member of the Man Digit Sparklerati. Nice. At least if I hang around the right soda fountains, somebody will think I’m a living nail fashion trendsetter. Of course, they’ll look at my face and say, “But you look like a girl.” Of course, when you’re a hand model, it doesn’t matter what your face looks like, so at least I’ll have that.
By the way, if I ever have an Octopus on my head, would you please let me know instead of letting me walk around in public flaunting a sea creature wig?
And Another Thing: The Giveaway Winner
Congratulations to Paula over at How to Become a Cat Lady Without the Cats who won the Hallmark Giveaway held last week - yay!
