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Senior Assisted Living Sites are Rife With Criminals

Jul 16th, 2012
by Margaret.

It’s 10pm on a Saturday night. Do you know where your Grandma is?

Mine is currently doing time at a senior assisted living facility where the crime has gotten so out of control, they’ve resorted to an amnesty program. Here is a snippet from one of their recent newsletters:

assited living, crime, amnesty programText: The kitchen will “buy” back dishes with a candy bar exchange on the 28th of June starting at 11:00 in the hall right before entering the Dining Room.

 

And it’s not: “you won’t get in trouble if you just turn them in”. Rather, it’s: “we will pay you for your stolen goods in kind”.

I will bet you my dentures that the crime rate shot up right after this newsletter came out. And then mysteriously dropped again after June 28.

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  • http://pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com Pricilla

    Are they just trying to get the seniors hyped up on chocolate?

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      Maybe THAT’S their ulterior motive behind this whole conspiracy. A bunch of spastic grannies bouncing off the walls.

  • http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com Boom Boom Larew

    I’d be tempted to become a china thief for chocolate! (Do the dishes have to be clean when you return them?)

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      I know! Talk about enabling.

  • http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/ Jayne

    I like the way they reward bad behavior there. Perhaps it’s not too late to get my reservation in. ;)

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      Oh, Jane. Granny and I were just talking this morning about how bad the food can be. Which is why I don’t understand why anybody is taking home doggie bags, or in this case, doggie dishes.

      • http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/ Jayne

        Bad food? That’s a deal-breaker.

        • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

          Gahhh!!! I hate that when I misspell your name. Sorry about that.

  • http://www.tanzaniafivetimes.blogspot.com/ Barbara

    My mom always had a fridge full of stolen dishes! She’d be too full for dessert, or couldn’t finish her salad, and didn’t want to waste it because she lived through the Great Depression (like many of these assisted living criminals) and couldn’t throw away anything. Then she’d put all these dishes of partially eaten stuff in her fridge and totally forget about it. Even when she put the next dish in, she wouldn’t really notice the others piled up. I used to take all the dishes back to the kitchen when I visited, but they never gave me candy….

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      This is an outrage. I would have demanded payment if I were you. Let this be a message to all those out there who return dishes for their family members. It’s clearly part of best practices now.

  • Slommler

    Too funny…only a candy bar? Ha
    Hugs
    SueAnn

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      I wonder if it was one candy bar per dish. That would be something. :)

  • June O’Hara

    Dishes? Not other residents’ underwear or pens from the nurses’ station, but dishes.

    Huh.

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      Ha! You sound like you’ve seen it. Have you witnessed this other type of criminal behavior?

  • http://thepoopofothers.com/ Melissa

    If I was your grandma, I would have squirreled away one of those 3 amazing dogs above the ad!!! No nurse or EMT could pry that thing from under my bed covers, and no stash of candy would ever convince me to give up that bundle of lovable fur!

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      Those dogs were cute, weren’t they? That was for their annual Dog Show. Not sure how that went.

  • sharkbytes

    Candy bars for being naughty? Sign me up!

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      I know, right?

  • http://auctionaut.co/ J. Bear Savo

    Wow. How ridiculous is that?

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      srsly.

  • Joanna Jenkins

    What a hoot! I bet they end up giving A LOT of candy bars away too.

    Sorry I missed your birthday. Hope you had a great one.

    xo jj

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      Thank you, Joanna! I wonder how many candy bars they had to pay out. I should ask them.

  • Angela Knutsen

    My 89 year old MIL really ought to be in a home… This might just be what pursuades her. At any rate she will have a good laugh when I tell her about this.

    • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

      If she likes chocolate, she’ll know what to do. :)

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

    SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!