Why I Never Comment On Your Blog: (A Disqus Primer)

We interrupt our regularly scheduled hilarity to bring you the latest in How-To bloggery.

Do you comment on other people's blogs that use Disqus, only to have them never return your calls? Do you know why this is? It is because you have failed to list your blog's URL. BUT!... You can increase your chances of my returning your comments by making sure your URL appears in the comment section. And I'm here to tell you just how to do that. Please help me find your blog easier by providing that simple link.

How To Verify Your Blog URL is in Your Disqus Profile - The Short Version

If you are just leaving a comment as a "Guest" with no registered Disqus profile, and you want your URL to appear in your comment (so that I can visit your blog), make sure to fill out the "Website (optional)" portion of the comment form.

If you do have a Disqus Profile, go to it by clicking on your username after leaving a comment here. Click on My Settings, then click on Public Info. Add your blog URL to the section entitled: "Website".

Too fast for ya? Here's the Long Drawn out-version:

How To Verify Your Blog URL is in Your Disqus Profile - The Detailed Version

If you are not registered with Disqus
If you are just leaving a comment as a "Guest" with no Disqus profile, and you want your URL to appear in your comment, make sure to fill out the "Website (optional)" portion of the comment form.

Make sure it's in the format:  http://www.yourblogname

I don't know what some of you guys are doing, but somehow the blog URL that pops up when I click on your name becomes "http://nannygoatsinpanties.com//yourblogname.com" or some such crazy thing.


If you are registered with Disqus
Then Disqus either already recognizes you or it doesn't. If it doesn't, you will get the form shown above where you can login by clicking on the Disqus icon and logging in.

If you get the following screen, then Disqus already knows who you are -- because my blog is psychic.

To verify that Disqus knows your website's URL, go to your Disqus Profile by clicking on your username which should be located where I've circled my own in the picture above.

This will bring you to your profile page which will look something like this:

Perhaps you can already surmise that your next step will be to click on My Settings because of the big fat red circle around it above.

After that you will click on Public Info, which is circled in red below. This will bring up your public information page and you will enter your Website's URL, which is circled in blue below.

Be sure to click "SAVE CHANGES". And from now on, your username on all of your Disqus comments, no matter whose blog it is, will link directly to your website - Yay! I can't guarantee I will be able to return your comments every time, but at least now it will be my bad instead of yours.

Also? This change should propagate throughout all Disqus comments you've made in the past.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled hilarity.

I Am Pending, with a Capital "T" and a Captial "M"

That's right. Any minute now, and when I say any minute now, I mean 13 - 18 months, Nanny Goats in Panties™ will officially have a registered Trademark! And until it's official, I am "pending". Do you know what that means? It means I can now put a little TM after "Nanny Goats in Panties™". And after that, if approved, I get to put a little Circle R (®) after it.

It all started when a Facebook friend of mine said that she heard someone on a TV show (Men of a Certain Age, to be precise) say "goats in panties" and I thought, Oh my God, that's MY phrase. I have to get my blog trademarked. Or copyrighted. Or something.

So, off I clicked to LegalZoom.com and started filling out the forms. And over four hundred dollars later, which in my humble opinion, is an expensive response to a TV quote (and hearsay, at that), despite the fact that LegalZoom said I saved over a thousand dollars going through them instead of a real lawyer -- well, they might not have worded it exactly that way, the "real" part, I mean -- Nanny Goats in Panties™ was in the trademark pipeline.

However, this trademark does not protect me from anybody selling T-Shirts that say Nanny Goats in Panties™. THAT would cost an additional filing fee of $295. And if I wanted to sell coffee mugs with trademark protection? That would cost another $295.00. Because coffee mugs fall under a different class than T-Shirts (which fall under a different class than a blog).

So what DID I get for my original $295 plus a one hundred and something fee from LegalZoom.com? I have absolutely no idea.

Wait - that's not true, the LegalZoom.com guy told me over the phone that he thought my blog was funny. So there's that.

Oh, and it probably counts as a business expense. Wow, the benefits are already piling up!





Thank You Letters...

I would like to graciously thank the following faboo people for the following faboo awards:

Musings of a Sea Witch for the Beautiful Blogger Award

The Shewbridges of Celebration FL for the Sunshine Award

Thank you, ladies. I'm honored!

This Ain't No Goat Blog

Anybody who tries to call Nanny Goats in Panties a goat blog is severely mistaken, according to a recent Google Search. I Googled "goat blog" and NGIP does not appear even once in the results! Of course, I only checked the first four pages, but still. Not a goat blog.

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am, however, that people around the globe have come to my blog while searching for the following terms in the last month:

1. buddha sex with skulls
2. pissing contest
3. all you can eat panties
4. son of a gun from nannygoatin'
5. there once was a man with a bucket 
6. a mean old nanny goat doesn't change into a dove because a little time has past

and my favorite - drumroll please.....

7. you want me to be your garden gnome. you want me to be your plastic flamingo. you are not my mother and i want to go home.

But that's not why I called you people here today. I got off on a tangent there right out of the gate and the real reason I wanted to speak to you is to tell you that I drove past my neighbor's house today and saw this near his door:

A Christmas wreath? Ack!

I considered going over there, knocking on his door and laughing boisterously in his face, pointing at him while I held my belly and laughed and laughed, mercilessly mocking him as I wiped tears from my eyes, struggling to get the words out about his wreath. Except that when I walked into my house, I saw THIS in my living room:

I would try to further defend myself by declaring something like, "Oh yeah? Well at least there's only two ornaments on the tree and the blanket underneath is gone!"

Except that the tree never got past two ornaments at its peak decoration. And I never found the blanket.

The good news is, we'll be having a Valentine's Day Tree this year.

What? I don't have time to take it down right now. I'm busy packing for a trip to Tucson. Speaking of which, you guys need anything while I'm there?

This Year's Christmas Card: The Yule Kids

If I were sending out Christmas cards this year (and I'm not, so don't hold your breath), this is the picture I would slap on the front...

sent in by Tammy of Happenings on the Hill

And now.... a Christmas Carol:

Deck the halls with boys and nannies,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

Throw on makeshift hats from panties,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

Don we now our smiles and say cheese,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

Hurry up Mom before we freeze,

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa, baa-baa-baa-baa.

From all of us here at Nanny Goats in Panties to all you "kids" out there...

We wish you a Merry SITSmas! (because today is a big bloggerama SITSmas card swapping extravaganza party thing where all the gals and a guy named Preston run around the blogosphere like crazy wishing each other a Merry SITSmas).

Also? There's a big holiday party going on over at SITS, where EVERYONE, SITSta or not, can join in the fun. Prizes are given out every hour all day, so go hit SITS every 60 minutes. I mean, it's not like it's a work day or anything, is it?

Also? In between goofing off to win fabulous prizes, you can visit some of the SITS gals I recently met in Vegas:

The R Family Diaries
Mindless Junque

Stroke of Living

House of Prince

Bobbi in LaLa Land

Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom

The Young and the Relentless

Damn You Little Rock

The Bee Dot

Also? If you haven't yet entered the NGIP giveaway where you guess how much money is in the jar and the 15 closest guesses wins a copy of the hilarious memoir, Marrying George Clooney, then for the love of all that is holy, go enter now!

Also? I'll be shutting up about the contest before 11:59pm on Wednesday, December 9, 2009.

Lacy, NGIP Mascot, Makes her Las Vegas Debut

Hello! And welcome to the scrollfest that is the rundown on my (er, Lacy's) trip to Vegas for SITScation, a blogger's conference last weekend. While the rest of the world was at Blog World Expo, seventy-five or so of us descended on a smaller, more intimate, less overwhelming blogging conference.

If there's one piece of advice I can give you about going to such an event, it's that you should bring a mascot. People love mascots, and pink-pantied Lacy was no exception. At the risk of allowing her to become more famous than I, I brought her to The Venetian in Vegas with me, and she rocked it.

Here she is delivering her keynote speech at SITScation in the Venetian conference center:

Lacy was accosted by fans all day long and it felt like being bombarded by the paparazzi (because I totally know what that feels like, me and Paris Hilton, yo.)

Anyway, people screamed and cried and begged to have their picture taken with Lacy, such as:

Bobbi (Bobbi in LaLaLand) and Connie (The Young and Relentless).

Bobbi and Connie are sisters, in case you didn't know. You may notice that Connie is wearing her pink and zebra print to go with the SITS theme of pink and leopard print, which is so funny because I was THIS close to wearing my pink and goat print outfit.

Also tripping over themselves to get a picture with Lacy were:

Kerri (Damn You Little Rock) and Amy (The Bee Dot)...two fabulous ladies from Arkansas. Is that tug-of-war they're playing?

Also? The infamous Jessica Gottleib. Lacy practically broke her neck, craning to give her a kiss.

And no star-studded photo album would be complete without a picture of SITScation's fearless leaders:

Tiffany (R Family Diaries) and Heather (Mindless Junque), the co-founders of SITS. I cannot recommend enough that you find a way to get to know these friendly, generous women, if you ever have the opportunity.

A big party transpired that night, complete with red carpet and step-and-repeat backdrop photographs. You probably already saw them in People magazine or something, since I'm a week late getting this report out.

Here's Tonya (This and That) posing for the photog on the red carpet.

And then it was Lacy's turn. Sadly, nobody asked her who she was wearing.

You may or may not recognize the arm assistance of Lara (Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom).

Two people we actually got to spend some time with during this whirlwhind of an event were two bloggers from Los Angeles. This is my favorite part of any conference: The connecting to people IRL (in real life).

Dale (Stroke of Living), Lacy and me

Kim (House of Prince) and Lacy

Then there was the after-party with many celebrities in their hotel rooms. This is the closest I could get to showing you the after-party, as the bodyguards slash bouncers just inside this door confiscated our cameras upon entry to ensure no leaks to TMZ.com.

We also had to sign a confidentiality agreement that said we would not divulge the party attendees. So I can't tell you who all I saw. What I can tell you, however, is that Kim Kardashian and Justin Timberlake were at the Venetian that weekend, but I cannot confirm or deny that they were in Suite 12-101. Because that would be wrong.

Lacy stayed only as long as was fashionable before she expressed a desire to hit the slots.

 

After a few speakers the next morning, Lacy lunched with fellow bloggers.

During dessert, she Twittered about the weekend's events. And since she has about 48 badrillion followers, pretty much everyone knew what we were doing.

After the final Blog and Nosh session, Lacy dragged me all over the Venetian for some more photo ops she'd promised some of her fans, most of whom I did not know. Like this blue guy.

 

On our way to another photo-op, we walked past this Venetian statue that lost its composure and screamed "OMG! Lacy! LACY! Can I get a picture with you? OMG, David will be soooo jealous!" Lacy rolled her eyes, but agreed. I mean, she does have her public to consider. And after all, she wouldn't be where she is without her fans, blue or white as they may be.

 

But it was Lacy who groveled at this next guy's feet when she stumbled upon him as we were on our way to some VIP goat blog event. Come on, I tried to tell her, the guy's a troll! But she couldn't help herself. It was embarrassing, really.

 

I don't know what she saw in him, when clearly Humpty Dumpty could provide so much better for her. And adore her like no other. Why are girls so attracted to the bad boys?

 

Granted, Humpty can be fragile at times, but doesn't that mean he's the real sensitive type?

I ducked into a bathroom just to catch my breath and escape all the testosterone, but when I snuck into a stall my eyes fell upon this necklace hanging from the stall door!

And speaking of penises, have I even mentioned all the swag from SITScation?

Even though it was an all-female conference, we were bedecked with male/double-entendre swag, like these little devices called "pokens"...

 

and vibrators...

 

Oops! That not a vibrator. I think.

But this is:

 

courtesy of Edens Fantasys

Lacy and I were exhausted and she insisted on returning to our room, where she sprawled on our tiny tiny hotel room couch. In the sunken living room.

And then it was back to the craps tables. Personally, I think she has a gambling problem.

This is my favorite picture from the weekend:

Venetian Statue Guy

I don't know if you've heard, whether it was on CNN, or the AP Newswire, but Nanny Goats in Panties is now available on Amazon's Kindle. Tell your Kindle-havin' friends. And you know what would really be cool? At least for me? If you went to the NGIP Kindle page and wrote a nice little review. You don't have to if you don't want to, or don't have an Amazon profile, or whatever, but I've heard it doesn't hurt to ask people for things. I think it was Renee J Ross (Cutie Booty Cakes) who said those very words when she spoke to us at SITScation.

Do I expect many Kindle subscribers? Heck no. But every little outlet helps. And now I can say I have published work available on Amazon.com - woo-hoo!

Marrying George Clooney With a Free Lunch

Someone once said that if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. What they don't tell you is that if you do put flowers in your hair and they are two dozen long stem red roses, be sure and de-thorn them first. Well, live and learn, I guess. And hair grows back, right? Well, not if you're follicly challenged, but you know what I mean.

On one recent Sunday, a group blogger lunch was organized in San Francisco, about a two-hour podcast-filled drive from Sacramento. I was excited and nervous to meet and make new bloggy friends. Luckily, I arrived about half an hour early, because that's about how long it took to find a parking place since, you know, San Francisco.

The lunch (which was actually breakfast since I had an omelette, the restaurant being a crepe place and all) was delicious. And I connected with several smart and fabulous women who were excited about the blogosphere in northern California. A pile of books were produced and we were asked to take one and review it on our blogs if we could. I walked out with a free book (score!) and a better feeling about myself to meet new people.

I also walked out without paying for my lunch.

Yeah, I realized that about five minutes after I drove off in my car. I was mortified. So mortified that I broke the law and got on my phone while navigating the 45-degree hills to call one of the girls to profusely apologize, beg for forgiveness, and swear to make up for it when I saw them in Vegas later this month at SITScation, a blogger conference.

So let's see...for those of you keeping score at home, that's one free lunch and one free book. That puts me in the lead, doesn't it?


I'm a sucker for laugh-out-loud memoirs and that free book I got was one of them. Marrying George Clooney, which reads a bit like a blog, is written by Amy Ferris who somehow manages to make the hell that is menopause funny. She has insomnia and most of the chapters were written at 3am when the rest of the neighborhood, including her husband, are sound asleep.

And her mother has dementia, which is no laughing matter, except Ferris pulls it off anyway. While most of the people who can relate to this book would be midlife women who take care of their parents, Ferris' writing is poignant enough to pull in any member of the audience, whether young or male. She does not alienate; she sucks you in. And then makes you laugh.

I could have done without the whole preface, though. Seven pages of blah, blah, blah that I didn't need to know and was misled into thinking the book was going to be a dud, because she doesn't turn it on until Chapter 1 on page 16.

Also? She didn't need to change up the font all the time in order to emphasize what she was trying to say. Her writing was the most beautiful woman in the room who felt compelled to put on too much make-up when she could have arrived clean-faced. Her use of language is gorgeous; the important lines stand out all by themselves and don't need any help. In other words, don't put A1 Steak Sauce or ketchup on that filet mignon; it's delicious just the way it is.

But maybe that's just me and all those italic interruptions and ALL CAPS asides wouldn't bother you at all. I'm just barfing out my own opinion. Either way, I highly recommend this book for a touching and hilarious look at a midlife crisis.

AAAAAAAND.....it's available on Kindle.














THANK YOU to Lorie for throwing this at me during a recent awards ceremony on her blog, The Shewbridges of Celebration, FL.

And thank you to Phillipia who thinks this blog is fabulous!

Are Starbucks' Arms Like Pinocchio's Nose?

In our delusion of self-importance, yet outlandish abuse of power wielded over the masses, we bloggers must hold ourselves to the highest standards of journalism.

If our children say the darndest things, we're there -- and preferably with a video camera. We document the minutiae of our daily lives and deliver it you, on time and under budget. Because YOU DEMAND IT.

We pull out our cameras, much to the chagrin of our spouses, and the curiosity of onlookers to capture a moment in time and bring it to you, the reader. We do it all for you. And also for our ego that is stroked every time you leave a comment.

I braved self-consciousness just the other day when I whipped out my camera at the Starbucks Drive-Thru because it struck me funny to see this plastic box placed conspicuously thus:

I guess it could make some sense to have a tip jar outside. But it seemed like they were reaching. Reaching outside the store for tips. I mean, tips are supposed to be for good service like when a waitress actually comes to your table and waits on you. And doesn't smell funny.

It already feels weird to be tipping Starbucks people. It's like having to pay for parking and tip the valet. Maybe I'm just cheap, but from a consumer point of view, it feels like double-dipping into our pockets.

So when I saw Starbucks sticking its extra-hot no-foam latte arm out the window for a hand-out, I had to take a picture. I forced myself to cope with the guilt and embarrassment when the girl on the other side of the window shouted to her co-workers, "She's taking a picture of our tip jar!". Well, I'm sorry, but I have an obligation to my readers. The public has a right to know about this!

Also? Any number of homeless people seen hanging around the various drive-thrus in the area could have cruised by and yanked the money out, walked into the store and bought a cup of coffee for himself. Which would be ironic. And funny. And awesome.







I would like to thank Mannequin of Fractured Toy and Michelle of So Wonderful, So Marvelous for showing off their new NGIP pens. That was very gracious of you, ladies.

Hey, remember when Mary from Unmitigated gave me this mini banner replica at the BlogHer conference in Chicago?

It was like a fat (or phat) business card. And it is with pride that I display it on my desk today. And now, YOU TOO could get one of these. She's having a giveaway and if you win, she will make one for your blog banner. So if you have a blog, go check it out! The contest ends this Wednesday night at midnight.

What Are You, Blind? Then I'm Blogging for YOU Too.

I'm going to start blogging for the deaf:

FIRST OF ALL I'D LIKE TO THANK MY DEAF READERS FOR COMING TODAY. WE LOVE OUR FELLOW DEAF PEOPLE AND THINK THEY ARE JUST LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE ONLY... WHAT'S THAT?...

Oh. My producer is telling me that I don't need to yell on my blog for deaf people. I guess they must have one of those newfangled hearing-impaired Blog Reading Devices (or, BRDs for the acronymically-inclined).

However, there is another group of people I'd like to welcome to Nanny Goats in Panties and that's the blind people. You heard me (YOU TOO, DEAF PEOPLE! - I mean - you too, deaf people.)

Anyway, to all my new blind readers:

HELLO TO ALL MY NEW BLIND FANS! CAN YOU SEE ME OKAY? FIRST OF ALL, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT WE LOVE BLIND PEOPLE. AND THAT WE HERE AT NANNY GOATS IN PANTIES CONSIDER YOU TO BE JUST LIKE NORMAL HUMANS...WHAT'S THAT?

Oh. What? Them too? Excuse me, my producer has just informed me that we don't need to yell at the blind people, either. Boy, the next thing you're going to tell me is that we don't need to yell at dumb people as well.

Anyway, now that all the niceties are past us, I'd like to tell all you other insensitive bloggers how to be more accessible to the visually impaired. Seriously. You probably didn't even realize that blind people surf the internet all the time. And that's why I'm here to help. 'Cause I'm a helper.

So, according to the American Federation for the Blind, here are just a few tips:

1. If you have a blog roll, move it to your left-hand sidebar. Blind people use screen readers that begin from right-to-left and the last thing they want to do is listen to one long ass list of links before getting to your blog post for the day.
2. If you want comments, don't make them "enter characters seen in an image".  Also, if you can, label all your text entries in the comment form properly so they know what you are asking for.
3. Describe your images. In HTML, you can provide alternative text for images by adding alt="your description of the image" within the image tag. Here is an example of a properly alt-tagged image:

< img alt="blind man walks into bar" height="30" src="imgdir/blindmansbrokentooth.jpg" width="30" />


It's all about making your site more accessible. For more detailed info, you can go to the site from the AFB (American Federation for the Blind).

So if you know any visually impaired or blind people, send them to Nanny Goats in Panties. Or if YOU are visually impaired or blind, I'd love your feedback. But your Martian friends? You can tell them to forget it. We don't need their kind here, the green boyfriend-stealing bastards.

Someone Threw Tiny Panties at Me. And I Wasn't Even on Stage!

I believe it was just outside the ballroom at the Sheraton Hotel in Chicago, the location of this year's BlogHer conference, where I felt a tugging at the bottom of my mink stole - you know, the ones that came in the swag bags for the Elitist All-Stars I'm So Way Awesomer Than You Party on Friday night? Oh, you weren't invited to that one? Huh.

"Ms. Panties! Ms. Panties!", a mousy voice tittered from below. A woman was on her knees, leaning down to kiss my feet when I stopped her.

"What is it, child?" I asked.

"Please, Ms. Panties. I read your blog all the time. I've taken to bleating 10 hours a day. Baa-Baa - See? I love you! Please accept this humble gift I made for you."

And in her shaky hands was this:

  A credit card-sized banner replica of Nanny Goats in Panties.

OK, so maybe that's not exactly how it went down. In fact, now that I think about it, that's not at all how it went down. I think I was picking my nose in some corner when a very nice lady, whom I'd never seen before, after introductions said, "I have something for you" and then gave it to me.

I was kind of floored. And touched. And flattered. And so I'd like to very publicly thank Mary of Unmitigated who took the time to make this gift and carry it all the way to Chicago to give it to me. Thank you, Mary. This was the best swag I brought home from the conference. (Of course, I didn't show up fast enough to the We're Handing Out Free Vibrators Party, so who knows, it might have otherwise been that - is it true that they looked like chocolate Easter bunnies?)

Still taking entries for the Rachel Ray 10-piece Cookware set Giveaway until Sunday, August 2 at 6pm. To enter, just click HERE or on the button to the right.

Goat Thing of The Day

Why, this of course....