The richest people in the world are good salesmen: Donald Trump. Leo Iacocca. The Sham-Wow guy. Which is why I’ll never be rich. The thought of selling anything makes my fingernails itch and my sphincters cringe (and for you scatalogical readers, there is more than one). Complaining to you about telemarketers is like a stand-up [...]
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A Post About Nothing
Your phone rings. Caller ID says it’s Umbert. You think, Jeez, that’s the third time he’s called today. Ugh, better answer it. You: Hello? Umbert: Hey, whatcha doin’? You: Nothing. Umbert: … You: You? Umbert: Oh, nothing. And that’s why you never answer the phone when Umbert calls. I mean, he’s a nice guy and [...]
Laid-Off Lady Liberty Considers New Line of Work
I May Be Unemployed, But I’ve Got Big Plans
Welcome to my first week of unemployment! After being wait-listed for eleven long months, the repairman finally came by to fix my Wayback and Forward Time Traveler 6000. Some jerk stepped on a butterfly last year and everyone’s time machine went on the fritz. Why is there always one guy who has to blow it for everybody? [...]
