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Of Name Tags and Psychotic Birds

So I’m at this thing the other day, you know, one of those events where you walk in the door and they check you in and give you a name tag to clip on your person, along with a wine glass, and you feel awkward at first because you arrived alone so the first thing […]

How to Get to 10,000 Steps on Your Fitbit

Hello! And welcome to Exercise is Futile, the program where we show you all the crazy ways to move your body around even though we all know its pointless because you’ll probably get run over by a giant duck wearing a bow tie on his way to the dentist tomorrow anyway, am I right? I […]

And Now There’s a Cloud in the Cloud

You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m doing here when I am up to my eyeballs in goose livers, but my housemate and I decided to take a break from all the poultry guts and celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary per our usual tradition of running off to the casino and spending the night. And […]

Choosing Baby Names for Asphalt

Call me a small stuff sweater. Because I can totally sweat the small stuff when I am of the mind. Take street names, for example. Here in Sacramento, after it ran out of letters to name the streets in this town, and before it got so suburb-happy, somebody came along and named a bunch of […]

Crock Pots, and Other Reasons for Living

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge Day 19: Tastes Like Chicken How have I lived, lo these many years, without the knowledge and power of the wonder that is the slow cooker, the almighty Crock Pot? I have fought and fought and fought some more with various protein animal products with less than zero […]

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