Once upon a time (like the 1990s) in a land far far away (Texas) there lived a beautiful little princess named Megan. When she was born, her parents (the King and Queen of the far far away land called Texas) bought her an ugly cookie jar and placed it in her nursery where Megan had to sleep next to this thing every night of her childhood.
That is, until the King broke it. And his daughter’s heart — for the princess had fallen in love with the ugly cookie jar. Did I mention this nursery decoration was a multi-colored fish? The King and Queen even called Princess Megan’s nursery the “fishy room”. Here I’ll show you:
I don’t know about you, but this thing would give me nightmares staring at me while lit by eerie blue moonlight, night after night. (shudder!)
Anyway, the King felt bad about the whole thing.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world (California), there was a lovely couple who got married and they received many wedding gifts, and one of them was a hideous-looking kitchy cookie jar. Here, I’ll show you:
One day, a few years later, the bride (named Margaret, so yes, we’re obviously talking about me here) and groom had a garage sale and they sold a lot of stuff, but nobody (NOBODY!) would buy the damn cookie jar. So the bride packed the poor lavender-lipped thing back into its box and stuffed it somewhere in the garage.
Several years later, the bride started a blog and she named it Nanny Goats in Panties, and it was hilarious and lauded by millions. One day, she hosted a blogger white elephant gift party where a bunch of bloggers all over the country mailed each other silly gifts.
Margaret got a hideous paper-mache fish that looked freakishly similar to that orange-faced monstrosity in the garage. Here, I’ll show you:
But now, after seeing this ugly white elephant gift, Margaret kind of thought the hideous cookie jar was cute. And she began to fall in love with it.
A couple of years later (we’re up to 2013 now, if you’re counting), back in the far far away land of Texas, the King asked his daughter, Princess Megan, who had all but grown up by now, what she wanted for her high school graduation in June next year and you know what she said? She said the only thing she wanted was the cookie jar she had as a baby. It was her earliest childhood memory.
That HE BROKE.
So the King sent the town crier and Googly knights to search the internets for “fish cookie jar” because by golly, what the Princess wants, the Princess shall have. It was a Royal Decree.
The King crusaded high and low and found two of those surviving doofus wide-eyed fishy cookie jars in the entire land. He tracked down the first owner who said she couldn’t part with it (she was a bit of a collector). Then he contacted the second one, whom he had discovered because the owner had put a picture of it on her blog (called Nanny Goats in Panties, if you recall) while talking about some white elephant gift exchange and blathering on and on about how awesome and award-winning her blog was.
The King emailed this self-absorbed blogger and told her the story of how he had given this same cookie jar to his daughter, the fair Princess Megan, and that he had broken it fifteen years prior, and when asked what she wanted for high school graduation she only wanted one thing and would this blogger be willing to part with it.
* * *
It’s funny … you own an item of questionable admirability and as soon as someone else wants it, you suddenly decide you like it more than you ever did before. Especially when you find out you have what might be a rare and valuable thing.
So would I be willing to part with it?
Are you kidding?
How could I not.
Of course, I sent it to him on one condition…
that he take pictures so I could blog about it…
Turns out, the cookie jar arrived in Texas the day before the fair Princess Megan’s birthday, and the King couldn’t wait until June.
So the King (whom I am dubbing Father of the Year) sent me pics and her Facebook announcement…
Happy Birthday, fair Princess! May you and the ugly cookie jar live happily ever after.
The End.
ADDENDUM: In case you don’t read the comments, here is an extra from the King himself:
One last detail to the story… What is now INSIDE the cookie jar? A single ceramic fragment Princess Megan had saved from the original fish, now safely stored for eternity.
Crying all the tears. Because child with memory of mortal wound healed by funny blogger is the best story EVAH!
Awww, thank you Naptime! Coming from another blogger/writer/funny person is a great compliment indeed.
brought tears to my eyes. You are a good person despite calling yourself self-absorbed. This was very not self-absorbed 😀
I’m so glad you like this story, carma! I was honored to have been a part of it. And thanks for the compliment. That was a compliment right? 🙂 hee hee!
“I don’t know about you, but this thing would give me nightmares staring at me while lit by eerie blue moonlight, night after night. (shudder!)” – It’s going to give me nightmares tonight!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww Margaret! This is the sweetest story EVER!!!
Thank you, Meleah! I kind of like it too, if I may be so bold. And cocky.
That is a beautiful story…..and the ugliest damned cookie jar I have ever seen but it makes my heart happy to know a charming young princess has the capacity to love something that unlovable. There is hope for the future of America.
BA-HAHAHA!!!! You kill me, Ben. Thank you for that.
Awesome! This is my new favorite fairy tale.
Thank you, Liz! 🙂
I love this! It reminds me of a certain frog vase that has haunted, I mean, graced our family for about 50 years now. I love your writing! I’m just getting started blogging, and if you could swing by and check out my writing, I’ll blow a really big bubble for you outside tonight. http://semanticsister.blogspot.com. Take care! I look forward to reading more. =)
Thanks, Leslie!
I’d love to see that frog vase. After 50 years, I bet it looks…vintage. 🙂
Fairy tales, Princesses, Kings & Queens (and of course Queen Grandmothers), cookie jars, and now a fairy Godmother, for crying out loud. What a marvelous cast of characters and heartwarming tale that has seduced me into pondering how I might also find a way to “pay it forward.”
Could this be a storymaking challenge to your readers?
Thanks for sharing (the story AND the piggy)!
You’re welcome, Rick. And thanks for commenting. Who knew there was such a thing as a Queen Greatmother or Grandmother? I mean, where’s the Queen Third Cousin Twice Removed? 🙂
Whew, does a happier ever after story make this Farm Chick’s heart flippy flop!!! I’ve always been a sucker for happily ever after. :o)
What a great story!!! Happy Birthday Princess.
God bless ya sweetie for makin’ a young gals birthday dream come true.
Have a fantastic day sweet fairy Godmother !!!
Nezzy! How awesome to see you! I’d come up with a metaphor to describe how I’m happier than a “….” to see you, but YOU’RE the queen of similes, speaking of royalty. 🙂
That is so damn romantic and lovely I could just shit. My son had his 21st birthday party at my house in San Francisco. One of his uncles gave him an automatic hot dog cooker and a pig piggy bank along with 19 other gifts. Guess what I got for my birthday the next year. Yup. The hot dog cooker. This was not nearly as romantic as your story though.
Ha! Okay, maybe it’s not as romantic, Linda, but that’s a funny story! And how awesome to get 21 gifts on your 21st birthday.
What a wonderful story! You know, this post is such a clear demonstration that generosity and kindness are not forever lost in this world. It also clearly demonstrates to me that I really need to start posting pictures of all the
uglyuniquecrapstuff that I’ve got lying around my house in case there are any more Princesses out there with clutzy King fathers and a fondness for kitsch.That’s a great idea, Nicky. In fact you could start a whole new blog (with all your spare time) dedicated just to the crap in your house. And I’ll bet thecrapinmyhouse.com hasn’t been taken yet either.
As the aunt of the fair priness, I can tell you that she was truely elated! What a wonderful person you are to not only part with the jar, but to share the story as well!
Yay! Another member of the Royal Family! I am so happy to hear how happy her Daddy made her. And it was my absolute pleasure and honor to tell the story!
And thank you for your kind words, Tracy. 🙂
Awww… that’s just great! Proves that even the ugly fishes can have a happy ending!
Indeed, Boom Boom. The ugly fish that turned into a beautiful…er…guppy? Wait…what rhymes with swan? Pirhhann…a? Oh, never mind.
That looks strikingly similar to one of my yard decorations….here in Texas.
Hee Hee.
That’s a great story and it kind of looks like an angry bird,er, fish. Invent a game. You’ll be rich!
THAT…is a fabulous idea. And I’d love to see your yard decoration if this comment section/thing let’s you post pics. I’m not sure it does, though.
Margaret thank you helping bring Princess Megan such happiness. The Queen Greatmother loves to see her grands happy.
The Queen Greatmother! Wow! And look at all these Margarets all over the place. Does this mean the princess was named after you?
And you are very very welcome. 🙂
Now this is a real fish story!
Hee hee! As in, it keeps getting bigger and bigger every time I tell it?
Awww – what a great story!
Thank you, Ladyfi! I’m so glad you liked it. 🙂
My heart is filled with happiness for the fair princess. Thank you for making me believe in happy endings and noble fathers.
You’re welcome, Bridgette. Thank YOU for reading this story. It was a joy to be a part of it.
Best story EVERRRRR! I’m smiling and laughing and, strangely, I find myself wanting to hug someone. 🙂
Yay! Thank you, Jayne!
Jayne, I am available.
Good grief woman, you kept the BOX?! But yeah, happy person = good deed for the day. Indigo x
Sincerest thanks from the Queen mom of the Mallary realm to the generous and kind spirited blogger who has restored the lost treasure and brought peace to the kingdom once again!
You are so welcome, Laura! I am honored to have been a part of it. Thank YOU for letting me tell your story and posting pics of the princess. You guys rock!!!
I’m a little late to this party, but just wanted to say how much this warmed my heart. I love how this turned out! Laura, so happy for you and I love that you saved a little piece of the original.
I love that they saved part of the original too, Kathy!
Thanks again for the cookie jar, Margaret. You told the story well; it was truly a fairy tale that needed be told.
One last detail to the story… What is now INSIDE the cookie jar? A single ceramic fragment Princess Megan had saved from the original fish, now safely stored for eternity.
The End.
Oh, man!!! I would have loved to have included that too! Thanks for the addendum, your Royal Highness. Don’t suppose you have a picture of that lying around?
Oh, Margaret! That is such a lovely story. I remember your ugly jar and the even uglier fish gift exchange 😉
Funny how things work out, Babs. And thank you!
You have made this old goat cry
Awwwwww. But also… Yay!!!
This is so awesome! I just love it when a story has such a happy ending.
It was a story just screaming to be told, Screaming Me-Me. 🙂