I will go clothes shopping maybe once a year because I hate it. It’s a pain in the ass, shopping is. Trying on clothes is a waste of time to me. It is not fun. 99% of what I try on doesn’t fit because, apparently, I am shaped funny.
Or, more accurately, I am shaped.
I hate driving to the store in traffic, looking for parking. I don’t like spending money. There is nothing “FUN” about it. I do not enjoy the “process” or the “journey” of shopping. I do not “live in the moment” of it. I see it as an irritating errand that gets in the way of the rest of my life.
And I sure as hell don’t like accompanying someone else while “they go shopping”. Yuck. Totally unproductive and I hate standing around waiting. God, I’d make a sucky boyfriend.
Anyway, since I’m in Sacramento, I meet my Bay Area friend at our usual midway location: beautiful downtown Vacaville, at an extremely local diner with mismatched garage sale coffee mugs, customers yelling across the restaurant at one another and the staff, and truck-stop flavored coffee. My kinda place.
It’s near Ulatis Creek which, am I crazy, or does Ulatis Creek sound like someone peeing in the river to you, too? What a horrible name and I’m sorry if it’s actually named after a real person whose last name is Ulatis, in which case, I LOVE that name, we should name everything after Ulatis, it really flows off the tongue – hey! flows! We should name the creek after you!
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah. Hating shopping.
Since Vacaville has a big ass outlet mall, we head over to a couple of shoe stores because I want to get some sandals. And since I refuse to wear painfully uncomfortable shoes for the sake of fashion, I instead go to the “comfortable shoes for old ladies” store and resent how ugly everything is.
I have never understood how just because you make a comfortable shoe, which is essentially all about the inside sole of the shoe, the part that people DON’T see, why must you then make the outside so hideous as if the shoe’s occupier has given up in life and desires to be ugly? This makes zero sense to me. The same thing goes for hybrid or electric cars. Why did they have to be so ugly for so long? (And except for the Tesla, they still kind of are.)
My point is, and this is how it compares to shoes, the SHELL of the car and the ENGINE of the car are completely independent of each other. Why can’t you be boring on the inside, but exciting on the outside?
I’m convinced hybrid and electric cars are taking forever to become popular because they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Don’t tell me it’s because they’re more expensive because that is crap, and Mercedes has already proven that people will overpay for a car if they simply have to have it. Maybe it’s a conspiracy perpetrated by Big Oil to keep us churning through far more sexy gas hogs. Mmmmmm, sexy gas hogs.
Seems to me, there are some assumptions being made about the potential customer of said sensible products. If you want to save money, be comfortable, save the environment, whatever, you must be boring as hell, go to bed early, love burlap, and listen to Gregorian chants 24/7.
Nevertheless, while these weren’t exactly Jimmy Choos, they would do in a pinch for a closet void of sandals…
Blue leather straps with multicolor flowers, kind of cute.
And then I took them for a test drive one day and came back with this…
Did I mention that Vacaville is 45 traffic-filled miles away and that I tend to throw away boxes and receipts immediately?
If you want great shoes that also feel good go to Clark’s. I always buy online so I don’t have to mess with traffic, etc. and only buy from the free-shipping-both-ways sites. The only time I really enjoyed shopping is when I’m just strolling through without any specific purchase agenda. Then I find all sorts of great stuff, but if I go shopping for a certain thing — I don’t care what it is, it doesn’t exist.
I am totally with you on this. I loathe shopping and everything associated with shopping. It’s a friggen nightmare. Always.
“I have never understood how just because you make a comfortable shoe, which is essentially all about the inside sole of the shoe, the part that people DON’T see, why must you then make the outside so hideous”
— Seriously! You’re 100% right about that. What the hell.
And now I am CRYING laughing at that picture of your feet. TOO FUNNY!
Can I hear an AMEN and HALLELUJAH! I totally agree with you on everything you said. I, too, hate shopping. AND when I occasionally forced to shop, I all but go into a clinical depression when I see how ugly anything close to comfortable is. My feet scream an audible scream when forced into those sharp pointed, spiky heeled things that now pass themselves off as trendy shoes.
I think Ulatis sounds like a body part some where around the urethra. I find a shopping area called Vacaville, equally laughable. If I want a vacay, I will not be traveling to anywhere that is for shopping.
Loved your post…you are so funny!!!
Awww, thank you, Cheryl. And I’m glad to find a kindred spirit in the shopping world. Or the anti-shopping world, rather. 😉
One word. Prada.
Seriously Linda? If so, I’m totally checking them out!
Enjoyed every word with much understanding. Old theory….Half of life on your feet, other half in bed, so good shoes and good mattress………
Wise words, Donna. Or is this Ron? 🙂
It be Ron
Amen!!!!
We are related, except I do save the receipts. Looks like you’ve been stompin the cab harvest.
You know, Tamara, I don’t know why they are so red. In fact, I noticed when I was copying the pic from my camera, they got even redder, so I’d like to blame my cell phone or my computer for a least one shade of that red.
I gave up shopping in the high street, for shoes years ago. Because I am a size 4 (UK) they assume my feet have no flesh on them. I buy my ‘wider fit’ shoes on line now and have to pay a fortune for them. Thankfully, I am very light on shoes, so don’t need to replace them often. Gone are the days when I bought shoes just because I liked them.
I’m pretty light on shoes too, come to think of it. Enough to where my husband sort of marvels over it.
I’m with you, Margaret… I HATE shopping. Especially for shoes. Even if I can find any large enough for my size 12 feet, they don’t look nearly so cute as the size 7 on display. Stylin’ I’m not.
Oh boy, Boom Boom, you just added a whole nother level to the already yuck of shoe shopping.
Good grief, even if you ignore the strapmarks, it looks like your poor red feet have hated the experience. Clearly the sandals were too cute.
My feet do look poor and red, don’t they. Jeez, I hope that was just a bad picture.
You hate shopping? But you look so normal on the outside. The shoes are cute, though. So while you seem to have some profound psychological issues, you at least have good taste. So, there’s that.
“But you look so normal on the outside.” Ba-hahaha!!! I don’t know what it is. I don’t have the shopping gene. It might also have to do with the fact that I can’t stand for long periods of time, so after an hour, I’m uncomfortable if I can’t sit. But, I just never got in the habit of shopping. My mother wasn’t a shopper. She didn’t encourage me to want to be a shopper. Who the hell knows why. Oh, there are occasional days where I’m having fun trying on shoes somewhere, but most of the time I have somewhere to be so I don’t feel like I ever have the luxury of shopping. I promise though, if I ever come to Montreal, I will go shopping with you. Because anything would be fun with you. Seriously. 🙂
It’s a date! I’ll fix you like no amount of 5$ therapy ever could. 🙂
Love the toe ring!
I hate shopping with other people. Specifically people like you who hate shopping. I love shoe shopping but only when I am alone. If I have to try on shoes while other people wait around it just ruins it for me.
There is a sex metaphor in here somewhere but I know this is a (sort of) family friendly blog.
No pain, no gain. Those are adorable shoes and I am impressed that you didn’t leave an imprint of your foot on the sole.
I think Ulatis is a Native American word. Either way, it was the name of our yearbook…and yes, it’s a silly name. Did I mention I grew up in Vacaville? 😀
Cute shoes will always do some kind of harm to your feet, whether it’s pain or turning them blue.
I totally forgot you grew up in Vacaville! Has it gotten better since high school?
You have tattoos on your feets. How cool.
Maybe I will get my hooves tattooed. What do you think?
I think you should totally gets your hooves tattooed. And then blog about it. 🙂