I’m lying on the cold table wearing underwear, socks and a robe made of grey astronauty material. The Lurch-like X-ray Lab technician darts in and out between positioning me and avoiding the life-shortening X-rays.
At some point, he begins running his hand up and down my back and asks me, “Um, do you have anything inside you? Like from a surgery or something?”
More feeling up and down my back. More trips back and forth to the side room.
“Something is showing up, but I can’t figure out what it is, like you have a thing in you.”
More feeling up and down.
“Ah haaa!”, he exclaims. “There’s something in your robe.”
He pinches a piece of robe at my back and tells me to get up and go back to the dressing room. He follows behind me with his hand at my back like it’s a hostage situation. One wrong move as we walk down the hallway, nodding at passersby, and I could lose my robe. He could just flick his wrist. Or stop in place as I kept walking.
When we get to the dressing room, he tells me to pinch where he’s pinching (God only knows what that looked like to everyone) and here’s another robe and go take this robe off and come back out and give it to him.
So I do.
But not before I take a picture, of course. I’m scrambling for my cell phone as he’s waiting outside, wondering what the bleep is taking me so long.
When I finally come out in a new robe, and show him this whatever-it-is, explaining that I had to take a picture of it first and then wondering if he was wondering that I was doing it for some crazy litigious reason, I went on to explain that I was a blogger and I always take pictures of things because you never know and it was probably better if I just didn’t say anything at all because sometimes, less is more.
Anyway, he examines the sticky blob with something sharp poking out and tells me it’s a wire that must have gotten stuck on there in the laundry.
And either for cost reasons, or true concern for my health, he decided against doing the X-rays all over again since he could make a note about the wire.
Or maybe he thought I was some liability sue-happy hypochondriac and wanted me out of there before I could start claiming whiplash.