Have you ever been seated at a drug store soda fountain, only to be stared at, approached, and accosted by a Hollywood agent? OMG! Me too!
Not really.
And although I’m no supermodel and although I’m firmly entrenched in middle age, I somehow feel perfectly entitled to engage in what the skinny youth are doing these days. And these days, it’s participating in the latest nail fashion trends that shall remain nameless because I don’t know what it’s called, but what you do is paint your nails and then apply glitter polish to one nail. Like this:
I know. I have man hands. Or man knuckles. Or something. You’re probably thinking this picture comes straight out of Drag Queen Cosmo Couture magazine. To which I would reply, “Oh really? Do you subscribe? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” (and that’s TWO Seinfeld references for you, Meleah.)
Anyway, I was wondering if you’d do me a favor. If you or someone you know is a teenager, would you ask them if I’m totally violating some fashion protocol by pointlessly clinging to the shreds of my youth? I mean, it’s not like I’m so with it that I did it right away. I feel that I, like any true age-appropriately-late-to-the-party dork, I am behind this trend by at least 6 months.
With my luck, it’s a dying fad already, because I’ve only witnessed two others doing this. And when I find people staring at my hands, trying to figure out what’s wrong with them, I have to point out that, yes, it’s not a bruise.
They are clearly not aware of this tray sheek act.
I’m disappointed that people aren’t nearly as effusive about it as I am. I feel I have to convince them that it’s the latest thing and they just look at me as if I have an Octopus on my head and are afraid to tell me that I have an Octopus on my head because it might hurt my feelings. Maybe I’m doing it on the wrong finger (that’s what she said – sorry).
What I mean is, the one almost-adult I saw doing this had the glitter on her middle finger. But I was told you were supposed to do it on your ring finger. Maybe I’ve been duped. Maybe only Cool Kid Club members got the secret newsletter that said:
Always, always, ALWAYS put the glitter on your middle finger.
Only drag queens glitter up their ring finger.
And there’s probably some name for THAT too. Like, “Man Digit Sparkles”, or something like that.
That’s right. Now I’m a member of the Man Digit Sparklerati. Nice. At least if I hang around the right soda fountains, somebody will think I’m a living nail fashion trendsetter. Of course, they’ll look at my face and say, “But you look like a girl.” Of course, when you’re a hand model, it doesn’t matter what your face looks like, so at least I’ll have that.
By the way, if I ever have an Octopus on my head, would you please let me know instead of letting me walk around in public flaunting a sea creature wig?
And Another Thing: The Giveaway Winner
Congratulations to Paula over at How to Become a Cat Lady Without the Cats who won the Hallmark Giveaway held last week – yay!
LOL Okay, well wearing glitter on my middle finger means a lot more people would see it that way.
So, yeah when I got a manicure recently, I told her I just wanted clear polish. she talked me into a “nearly clear polish with kind of a pearly color” which really looks like pink sea shells and makes me feel like a 12 year old girl. And when you’re 54 like me, looks completely ridiculous. 
This is why I worry when people look at me funny when I try to explain that this glitter thing is supposed to be cool. But maybe it’s that look I would get if I were to try to show up in a classic Catholic school girl outfit and pig tails.
Your blog looks all spiffied up almost like it has glitter on one of its pages.
I do not paint my hooves so I don’t know about this trend. I don’t think it would work for me since I walk in chicken and goat poop. I doubt the sparkles would add anything to my life but your fingers look very nice. I think they would look even nicer feeding me apples.
My husband said, “Did you post the least flattering picture of your hand on purpose? Your hands don’t look like that.” It’s true they’re not normally THAT stubby looking. I think my fingers are curled a bit so they look a little stubby.
And someday, Pricilla, I want to feed you apples.
How cool that would be.
You do NOT have man hands. I remember admiring how pretty your hands looked. I have no answer about the one glitter-polished nail. You may be marching to your own tune on that one. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, either.
Your very kind, Jayne. This picture may not be flattering, but the knuckles do not lie. It could be worse. There could be hair.
“You’re” Just sayin’…
LOL I so wish there was a “like” button for your remark, Jayne! You are a woman after my own heart!
Oops! Man, I did that in my blog post too but I caught it. I’m not even going to bother fixing it. Cuz then you’re comment wouldn’t make any sense. (you see what I did there?)
I do.
My fingernails get all claustrophobic when I wear nail polish which makes me crazy, so I’ll just have to rely on my sparkling personality. Then again, maybe I should try the nail polish to get noticed.
Paula, your sparkling personality is all you need!
I was trying to rebook a flight on Monday, getting back home on United after a flight delay, blah blah. The woman had one nail painted in glitter. I just had to stare. Why? Why just one? It was the only thing that kept me focused on not screaming, would you hurry up? How hard could it be to book a flight, you work for United!!!!
Ha! I mean, I’m sorry you had such a horrible travel experience, but about the other thing…the nail thing…maybe it’s something that’s really subtle. It’s not in your face, but once you notice it, you can’t stop staring.
Hmmmm, maybe this is a West Coast thing? Because here on the East Coast, dahling, I have not seen this particular fashion trend.
oohhh, I wonder if that’s true. That would be interesting to know. Maybe it’s just another “Valley Girl” thing.
Hi Margaret,
Your choice of color suits you more!That single glittering finger matches with your ring.
Oh, why thank you, Petara!
I’ll ask my daughter and get back to ya. She just got 3 different shades of glitter polish (from a friend) for her 7th birthday.
Oh my gosh, and that’s another thing, Susan! I just thought there was one kind of glitter, but no there were different “shades” or whatever, and I stood there at the store debating forever because I had no idea what they’d look like. But yeah, are 7-year olds doing just the one finger too? Or do they do all their fingers in glitter?
Funny post! It’s totally a trend but does seem to be fading quickly but i like the purple
Thanks for the compliment, Vicki.
And I like the fact that it’s pretty understated, so most people don’t even notice it. I’m sure I’ll be 95 years old and still trying to pull it off, I’m that trendy.
No you don’t have man hands! But I am sure they are spectacular in person. Photos add 10 pounds …which is frankly a lot for a hand to bare.
That trend hasn’t hit my area either, as one of your commenters mentioned. Here it is all about French manicures with just the perfect shade of pink vs white. Tips white or clear with overlays…oh it is all so complicated. The good news is that I could use my acrylic tips to open cans if there would be a natural disaster.
I have never done acrylic tips. In fact, and now I wish I’d mentioned this in my post, oh well save it for another day I guess… I’ve only had a pro manicure once. Once! And never again. It’s like fingernails on the chalkboard to have someone else filing my nails. Ack! Where are you, by the way, that it’s all about the French manicures? I’ve done those, but only with clear polish and then white tips.
I live in a suburb of Kansas City on the Kansas side of town. Here the nail places are everywhere. I have been wearing acrylic nails for a number of years as my real nails suck.
LOL! I am totally clueless about trendy fingernail art. My nails are a blank canvas. Your nails look lovely.
Maybe you can start an Octopus hair band fad. It would be so Pirates of the Caribbean and could lead to a licensing deal.
One question. Can you open a lobster with your hands?
Ha! Nice catch, but no, I can’t open a lobster with my hands.
An Octopus hair band! What an awesome idea, Lauren!
You had me at purple. You see, I love purple and then there are the sparkles… very cool addition, i must say. I don’t know about the trend because I guess I am as young as I thought… hee, hee, and so, I would probably do the ring finger as well. LOL
Purple is my favorite color too, Susan!
I think your hands and nails look very pretty, but that’s because you have that gorgeous skin on them. I also like your rings. My daughter tells me my fingers look like brown tootsie roll candies. Never mind. We can’t all have that porn queen white skin.
Brown tootsie roll candies??? Oh my goodness!
Well, thank you for your very kind comments, Linda.
Sometimes my Mommeh does the glitter thing on her ring finger, or sometimes she paints that finger a different but coordinating color. But she is old, so I cannot tell you if it is popular with young peoples.
Well, if the kids find out we’re doing it, they’re bound to stop it immediately.
They must be looking at the wedding ring- kids probably don’t know what that is. I know nothing about glitter.
As far as I’m concerned, the longer kids don’t know what that is, the better. Not that I’m against them, rings, but haste makes waste.
HA HA HA! I wrote a post way back about how I have what I call “Old Lady Hands.” I will never ever be a hand model. High five!?
High Five – woo hoo!!
Good grief, Margaret, you get the octopus look too? I’ve started to suspect it might be a cuttlefish, of course…
Whew! I thought I was the only one. Wait… is a cuttlefish bad?
And this is why you are my future wife. Not only did you give me TWO Seinfeld references, but you crack me the hell up. I asked my own teenager to let me know if you were totally violating some fashion protocol – and he said NO!
Well thank Gawd for that. Wait, your teenage SON is a nail fashion expert now? Is it so popular with the kids that the BOYS know what’s right and wrong?
Yep!
Oh….
And, you’re wearing my favorite color!
OXOXO
where’s the LIKE button on this thing?
You crack me up, LOL! I love this look. Sorry, I have no idea what the protocol is re: which finger should be sparkly, but I’m all about staying current with fashion trends. They’re not just for teenagers! I have 2 daughters in their 20′s, and they help me dress. Don’t get me wrong, I dress for my age (55) but I try to do it with flair – I refuse to wear ‘old lady’ clothes =)
Good for you keeping it up with flair!
This post made me LOL! I want to be a foot model but only if old, wrinkled feet with ragged toenails are “in”.
Aren’t they? That’s what I heard in my latest issue of Ragged, Tagged and Hagged.