Have you ever driven down a scratchy, gravelly road in the Ozarks along a frog-infested pond, only to realize you left your bra at home (again) and what are you going to catch all the pollywogs with now? I should just set an automatic smartphone reminder for that each time and be done with it already.
But that’s not why I called you here today. No, today I wanted to bitch about my optical units. I’ve been at this 40-something business for a few years now and if it’s not one body part failing, it’s another. One of many ailments accosting me is my vision.
One minute I’m happy with my one pair of glasses that turn into sunglasses when I walked outside and the next minute it’s, “Oh, you need reading glasses, would you like to try progressives?” I try progressives (a fancy word for bi-focals, I think) and I get motion sickness, so I have to get separate glasses for reading vs. driving.
A few years go by and my vision gets worse, so I get new glasses but now I can’t see my computer with my new glasses, so I use my old glasses for “mid-range” and one day I realize I look like this:
If I’m out and suddenly have to look at my phone, I lift up my glasses to see (because it’s faster than trying to locate my reading glasses).
I need a big ol’ necklace that looks like a mini-gun rack so I can whip out whatever corrective lens I need at a moment’s notice.
Meanwhile, since I took that picture the other day, I have managed to LOSE one of those pairs. If the progressives didn’t make me sick, I wouldn’t have this problem. I don’t suppose you guys have any advice.
They can find the Higgs-Boson particle, but they can’t invent proper eyeglasses that don’t make me feel nauseous?
And I can’t get that LASIK surgery because the last time someone told me about their surgery, I passed out, threw up, lost someone’s cell phone, and had to pay $75 to replace it and did I mention this all happened in a public place? Yeah, good times.
Hey, what about flip-up type glasses where you can rotate out whatever lenses you need, or something that mimics like they do during your eye exam while saying, “One? or Two? One? Or Two?” Why can’t they make glasses like that?
I mean, now that glasses are cool and hip, we need something new to dork up our faces, right? And what better than some 20 pound contraption that requires a helmet to stay on our faces?
Something like this….