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Open Letter to Clueless Au Pair Website PR People

Dear Clueless Au Pair Website PR Idiot Person,

My blog is not an au pair site. Stop sending me emails stating that you love my site and think your article “10 Ways to (something about au pairs or nannies)” would be a good fit that would interest my audience and that I should tell my readers about your silly article and your silly site. My audience doesn’t give a crap about you. Go find your OWN audience. Moocher.

I don’t know what automated bot you’re using to crawl the web and find “relevant” websites to pester with your lame ass content, but you people are harrassing me every day now and it’s getting a bit bothersome. Kind of like an itchy boil that festers until you finally have to do something about it.

Why would I do YOU a favor for absolutely nothing in return?

So step off, dummy.

That reminds me of a song…

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬  Don’t you wish your Page Rank was hot like me? Don’t you?

Or something like that.

google pagerank 11

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36 Comments

  1. RonW says:

    Sounds like an explanation is in order here, folks.

    First of all, these aren’t viruses.

    You see, there’s this thing out there called SEO, also known as Search Engine Optimization. Google it.

    As part of a smart SEO strategy, you are taught to reach out to successful bloggers to do what’s called “guest posting.”

    Guest posting is the process of posting on someone else’s blog, providing them with content, and at the same time allowing yourself to get noticed by a new audience.

    Don’t panic, it’s simply an SEO strategy. People do it all the time.

    But, of course, YOU must be willing to play with others in the sandbox. Doesn’t sound like you are. Apparently, you simply want your own side of the sandbox to remain yours and yours alone.

    That’s fine, too.

    We all have our ways of “playing with others.” But beware: someday you may discover that your side of the sandbox is full of cat crap and as a result you may want to switch sides, but the side you might want to go to has someone else already there, and he might not want you in his sandbox territory.

    Learn to play nice, and others will play nice with you!

    1. My dear man,

      I don’t think you were paying attention. First of all I have been blogging since 2005 and know all about SEO. (I teach classes about it fer Chrissakes).  I understand the concept of guest posting and participate in it myself.

      I play with many people in my sandbox, unless they disrespect me, which this one did. (You know, that whole “play nice” thing that you tried to lecture me on.)

      They LIED to me, took ZERO time researching my blog, and then tried to SELL to me. This makes them the enemy and therefore the subject of ridicule.

      I get many many many MANY offers of guest posting, most of which are poorly researched. This particular one about Nannies and Au Pairs stick out like sore thumbs. Why? Because the word “nanny” is in the name of my blog. My blog is about NANNY GOATS and they want to guest post about human nannies.

      Here’s an excerpt from one I just got today:

      “I recently discovered
      your blog, and I have become a frequent reader. We recently published an
      article “10 Volunteer
      Activities That Are Hard for Nannies to Participate In” that dovetails well with your audience,
      Perhaps you would be interested in sharing with them.”

      See? Lies. All Lies.

      You see, there’s this thing out there called spamming, also known as Lying to get people to click on a link.

      There’s this other thing called inappropriate marketing.

      Now do you get it?

  2. 11 is awesome. Like you.

  3. P.J. says:

    I agree fully with this. Sometimes I wonder where things like this come from. I get them every once in a while and it never matches anything I do. 

    1.  Which is why I’m pretty sure it’s a bot. Or a very very VERY lazy person.

  4. Joanna Jenkins says:

    Hmmm, am I the only one getting PR hits from all the firms pitching OLD people stuff… electric carts, funeral packages, and adult diapers ;-)
    I hate that stuff but I LOVE your theme song!
    xoxo jj

  5. Dan C. Rinnert says:

    I always used to get them for cars, even though my blog has nothing to do with cars.  I think I posted a picture once of a mini-van.  That’s about it.

    I haven’t gotten a car one in a while though.  I don’t remember the most recent one, but it was absolutely nothing to do with my site.  I also love it when they tell me how great my blog posts are.  I know better.  I write my blog posts, so I know how great they aren’t.

    1.  Ha! My Klout page tells me I’m influential about “Batman” because in one of my giveaways I tweeted (and other people retweeted) something like “Holy Regularity, Batman! NGIP is giving away fiber T-Shirts!” So, of course I know everything about the caped crusader.

      1. And now you’ve added another mention of Batman in this comment, plus threw in a “caped crusader” for good measure, which will only serve to raise your score for expertise on this topic.

  6. Yeah! Step off, stupid automated bot!

    1.  Amen, sister! You tell ‘em!

  7. Sparky says:

    Oh my goodness, I’m in the same bot … uh, boat. I’m getting the same crap mailings from someone selling vet supplies. I’ve told them to step off too. We need to design a computer virus that we can send to scammers! We’d make a zillion dollars with that one. ;)
    Sparky

    1.  No doubt. Know any good hackers?

  8. Random Chick says:

    Oh no she din’t!! LOL!

    1.  I’ll bet you get things like this too. I’m finding I’m not the only one.

  9. Jayne says:

    I got a solicitation for a sex toy site that promises I’ll get laid.   They should have promised a lifetime supply of chocolate.  That’s something I could get excited about.   Congrats on your page ranking!   

    1. I wish I could get promises of a larger penis. That is something I could really use.

  10. Preach it sister!!!  I get those stinkin’ things too and tag ‘em as junk mail so they get trashed but somehow they leave a trail of breadcrumbs ’cause that keep comin’ back!  Booger!!!

    God bless ya girl and maybe someday we’ll figure how to smoke the varmits out!!!!  :o)

    1.  I wish there was a general filter for those things so I wouldn’t even have to see them. What a waste of our time!

  11. Hiddenmahala says:

    *bows to your page rank*

    1.  Ha! I was sort of thinking Spinal Tap there when I made it.

  12. mcmerb says:

    Bet you’re not sharing about the “Panties” part of your blog name and the emails about underwear, or lack of.  ;)

    1.  Actually, “panties” more often shows up in Google searches than email.

      And that’s pretty gross, I have to say.

  13. Laurie says:

    I feel your pain and aggrevation, but you really crack me up with your humor!  Keep up the good work.  Look forward to your posts!

    1.  I’m glad someone can benefit from my frustrations. Actually, it’s great therapy for me as well to tell these people off in public.

  14. You and me? We are in the same boat. Not only are people “making bad things” about us but they are also wanting to ride our coat tails and “mooch” off our space as you say. Ninnies! I busted up over your Google rank theme song, love it! Keep up the good work girl!

    1.  Thanks, Steph! I’m glad I’m not the only one suffering these miserable so-and-so’s.

  15. Pricilla says:

    At least they are not trying to sell you drugs to grow things. I would like to grow my horns back and these drugs promise to make me horny do you think I should buy them?

    1.  Oh, Pricilla! Don’t believe them! It’s all horse manure! Literally.

  16. Annie says:

    I feel your pain Nanny goats! I have people who stumble on my “Annie Off Leash” site and want to sign their pooch up for a week at the spa while they venture to off to some exotic port. Time to come up with a new plot!

    1.  The fact that they spent zero amount of time on your site makes me wonder if you could spend 5 seconds responding horribly to them, or if they would simply ignore it. Or, I have a good mind to say, yes forward me your content, and then never respond to them again. But then I still wouldn’t want to do that unless I was guaranteed that some human at some point in the process actually had to spend some time on it, so that I could feel satisfied in someone else having to waste their time like I did.   Ugh – forget it. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

  17. Michael Golch says:

    I get that knind of robotic crap for golch central but from a different worded site. the best thing you could do is just mark the emails as spam,that way they endup in the spam folder and is deleted without being opened. I opend one of the robotic emails and it turned uot to be a computer virus.it took me 2 days to fix the computer after that attack.
     

    1.  Yikes! Knock on wood, I’ve never gotten a computer virus, but that might be because I have highly advanced tech security in the form of a husband.

      1. Sparky says:

        Can I borrow your hubby to fix my computer??! Both my Dell’s with IE8 are having “timeout” issues with the browser.

        (That’s as bad as telling someone you’re a doctor and all of a sudden everyone has a pain the doc needs to look at, isn’t it … tee hee)
        Sparky @ My Thoughts Exactly