When we entered the very flowered courtyard of the Ryde Hotel (centrally located in downtown Ryde, California), a young man handed me a Yay flag.
Trivia Nugget — Ryde (population: 146) was named after a seaside town on the Isle of Wight.
The Ryde Hotel lies along the Sacramento River and is known for its wedding venue-ness. Coincidentally, we were there for a wedding.
A fun wedding.
With Yay flags.
Yay flags that waved while the groom kissed the bride.
If Christopher Walken had RSVP-ed to this wedding like he should have, he would have said right then and there: “This wedding needs more Yay flag”.
Because you can never have too much “Yay”.
The bride walked in to Led Zeppelin’s “Thank You” and they both marched out to “Baby, I Love You” by The Ramones.
Tattoos were everywhere.
Am I the only one left on this planet without a tattoo?
The problem is, I can’t think of a design that I could live with FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I’d want a tattoo that I could swap out on a whim like a handbag, based on my latest pop culture obsession.
Like right now it’s that old 1960s gothic soap opera, Dark Shadows, so I’d want that tall, dark and handsome rogue Quentin Collins somewhere on my body.
I’ll bet in the late 60s, every woman wanted Quentin Collins somewhere on her body.
Anyway, the wedding cake kicked ass.
The men’s room, however, did not kick ass.
Oh sure, it was clean and all, but there were just a couple of things wrong with it…
Or maybe there’s nothing wrong with it, I don’t know. Maybe it’s meant to be a place for social networking while you poo next to your neighbor.
Also? You can’t get away with saying, “Sorry, I can’t spare a square.” Because clearly, there is a square there. Lots of squares… How many do you need? Say, are those Armani cuff links? I love those! Where did you get them? I get all my designer stuff from Overstock or Rue La La these days. Here, let me show you how the app works on my phone… and the next thing you know, they’ve lost themselves in an Angry Birds showdown. Right there on the toilet.
Also? You could see directly into this cavernous room from the main reception area. I mean RIGHT INTO IT.
Yeah, there’s nothing I like better than to watch two poopers on the can with their tuxedo pants around their ankles, swapping business cards and playing video games as I’m hunched over the white linen shoveling in that last piece of chicken alfredo. Mmmmm-mmm!
Other than that, the wedding was quite lovely.
At sunset, a group of us climbed up to the road to oooh and ahhhh over the full moon rise.
Now isn’t that the most beautiful perigee-syzygy you ever saw? What? You don’t know what a perigee-syzygy is? Boy, aren’t you stupid.
Yes, I know what a perigee-syzygy is and so what if I knew it just before you did? The important thing is that there was a point in time where I knew it and you didn’t.
Okay, kidding aside, a perigee-syzygy is a super moon. Super moons happen when the moon is at its closest to the earth in its orbit AND when its a full moon. It’s supposed to be 14% bigger than normal, and I suck at taking pictures of the moon, but does this look 14% larger to you?
Well, I can’t tell the difference.
So, essentially, we risked our lives standing on the edge of the two-lane river highway teetering in high heels with our wine glasses, staring at something that’s been there all along.
And then we came back down for cake.
It was lemon and raspberry. Yay!