Dear Kraft,
Hey buddy, how’s it going? Listen, I don’t pretend to know why you do the things you do and why you don’t do the things you don’t do, but I have a favor to ask. It’s about your Macaroni and Cheese, or as the Canadians call it, Kraft Dinner.
First let me say that your macaroni and cheese rocks. And you are indeed the cheesiest. And I’m not talking about that crappy stuff in a box with the gooey liquid cheese sauce. That stuff tastes too much like real macaroni and cheese, you know the stuff that’s made from scratch. And who in their right mind makes macaroni and cheese from scratch? Amish people, that’s who.
No, I’m talking about your turbo processed cheese-infused orangy-flavored powder. That is the stuff that rocks. You have shown me that real cheese isn’t cheesy enough.
The problem is your pasta. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. Mind you, I loaded up the last time it was on sale.
But then my husband went and discovered that he’s allergic to wheat.
So, dear Kraft, I’m here to ask you to make a gluten free macaroni and cheese.
Why you? Because of that rockin’ cheese-flavored powder of yours.
I went to the grocery store the other day and noticed that you are fully capable of expanding on your basic recipe. I would think that if you can make Organic or Veggie versions, you could make a gluten free version. A Mac n Cheese 2.0, if you will.
I would also think that if you could make an Extreme Cheese Explosion version, you could make a gluten free version.
I mean, we’re just talking about using rice or non-wheat pasta. You don’t need to change the cheese. Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t change the cheese! You don’t need to make it extreme and you don’t need to blow it up. Leave the cheese part alone. Just change the pasta part.
If you can make a “Man of Action” version or a “Do Bee Doo Bee Doo Bah” version, why not help those with gluten sensitivity and make a non-wheat version?
Please, I’m begging you, think outside the box and offer a gluten free version. C’mon. Everybody’s doing it and I promise you, there is a market for it. Millions of people are allergic to wheat and gluten. Millions, I say! As a matter of fact, Wheat is one of the Top 8 allergens.
Or, you know what would be really Kraft-y? Sell us the freakin’ powder. If you don’t want to make gluten-free pasta, we’ll figure that part out ourselves! Just give us the powder, man! We’re jonesing for the orange powder!
I’m so desperate for your processed cheese-flavored powder over others, that I’ve resorted to tearing open all my Kraft boxes…
saving the cheese packets and tossing the macaroni…
and then using gluten free macaroni.
How dare you make me throw away perfectly good food! Just who do you think you are? Don’t you realize there are people starving everywhere?
Frankly, I don’t know how you sleep at night, knowing that stuff like this is going on, that people are just tossing their pasta in the trash.
If you sold your manna cheese-flavored pasta dust (and I give you permission to actually call it that – Kraft’s Manna Cheese-Flavored Pasta Dust), if you sold that stuff by the pound, oh, what joy that would bring to the masses. Even those not restricted by gluten-free diets would OD on your powdery goodness.
So how about this: if you do not start selling your Manna Cheese-Flavored Pasta Dust by itself or selling a gluten-free version of the Macaroni and Cheese, I will be forced to believe that there is a conspiracy between you and the Wheat Council, or that you are in bed with the Wheat King who is now a permanent fixture in your list of ingredients. He and his team of wheat lobbyists will never leave, having managed to firmly establish themselves as “too big to bail”.
However, I am not bailing any time soon, so quit making me throw away perfectly good food and give us your Manna Cheese-Flavored Pasta Dust already!
Look, I even made you a new box that I will let you use:
Yours in Cheesy Dusty Gooodness,
Margaret
P.S. After the gluten-free thing, you think you can do something about the packaging? Thanks.
UPDATE (12/13/2011):
Nicky and Mike write for a blog called We Work for Cheese. Nicky (or Nick as she lets me get away with calling her) was so moved (or perhaps “offended” is a better word) that she wrote a rebuttal, or an open letter to my open letter. You can read it here.
Hot Off The Presses…
If a humorous collection of essays is up your alley, fellow blogger Jayne Martin (of injaynesworld), has recently published a book called Suitable for Giving: A Collection of Wit with a Side of Wry. She and comedienne Elaine Boozler have teamed up so that for every book sold, Jayne will donate a portion to Boozler’s animal rescue organization called Tails of Joy. Suitable for Giving is currently available on Amazon, CreateSpace and Smashwords.
Please please please! We’re stuck with lame substitutes.. 🙁
I’m sorry I don’t have time to read all the comments here so I have no idea if someone has already mentioned this but… as I was googling “gluten free Kraft dinner” I came across this exchange between a fellow non gluten eater and Kraft Foods
http://www.celiac.com/gluten-free/topic/19149-kraft-rules/
I am not sure where you live… but maybe you can get them to mail ya some ‘cheese’ packets 🙂
… although it would be so much easier to just have the box all ready to go!
[…] Margaret, rest assured that your fondness for “manna cheese-flavored pasta dust” has not completely decimated your ability to appreciate real […]
[…] I wasn’t was eating cheese flavored orange powder (or as I’ve been known to call it, Manna Cheese-Flavored Pasta Dust) out of a […]
kraft does sell the cheese powder in a tall skinny can. it is found by the other canned cheeses in the stores around my area. it is just the powdered cheese, to be used w/ popcorn or the like, it is exactly the same ingredients as the powdered bag stuff in the boxes of mac and cheese.
forgot to include the name…kraft mac and cheese, cheese topping.
What???? Where do you live???? I’ll drive over there right now! I should just check online to see if they sell it already.
Nice mention in the Sac Mag! Great blog. Great enthralling copy drives traffic.
I noticed your macbook air. it was plugged in charging with a green light indicating full charge.
It can be charged as frequently as needed and at any battery level (no memory)
It’s important to take it off the charger once its charged because it reduces the battery life and capacity. Apple has an article that goes into more detail.
congrats on your great blog!
Dave
Thanks, Dave!
Is that true? About keeping it plugged in? I’d never heard that before…very interesting. Wait…how did you notice my laptop was plugged in anyway?
You’d think it wouldn’t be that hard… Bastards!
P.S. I prefer Velveeta Shells & Cheese.
Not Amish here, but I do make a great mac & cheese from scratch. I was once one of the Kraft Cheesiest crowd until I learned to make a cheese sauce from butter, flour, milk & cheese (onions/shallots are a plus).
Still, you like what you like, and I hear you on the gluten free pasta. It seems everywhere I turn there are new gluten free products showing up daily. It’s likely only a matter of time, especially with NGIP asking them to raise the bar.
Cheese Dust is just as magical as it sounds.
The post has definitely caused a little stir…in a good way. Love the banter…still looking for the real cheese. That powder makes me nervous.
You totally had me roaring this AM. Woke the hubby up!! Ha! Oh well! He needed to get up anyway!
Hugs
SueAnn
LOL! Thanks, Sue Ann. And I look forward to your hubby’s angry letter to me for making you wake him up. 🙂
Um, oka…don’t hurt the messenger: but here in Canada…they sell the cheesie powder of the gods separately. It is right beside the canister of parmesan cheese. and there’s also one next to the popcorn. You just shake them on. When I was a starving student, I used to shake it on those Ramen noodles…there’s a cheap gourmet meal for ya, right there!
WHAT??? Oh, you are so lucky you are too far away for me to reach out and hurt you. 😉 And you are so lucky for having cheese dust available separately. Do you mean it’s actually Kraft cheese dust that they you sprinkled on your Ramen noodles?
Yes! I’ve been scrolling down waiting to see if anyone mentioned the powder in a can. It’s now being packaged with the idea of sprinkling it on popcorn (doesn’t stick unless you have butter on it, which I’m guessing won’t be a problem for you. I’m in the Chicago area, and we’ve had it in stores off and on for years. If I see it again I’ll let you know and ship it to you overnight). You could make some kind of casserole with all that wasted mac, stick it in your freezer and wait for someone you know to have surgery or a baby. Give it to them and you’ll be the thoughtful one!
Also started reading your book the other day–it’s fantastic!
I am still giggling!
Write to the company!! Let your voice be heard!
I have never seen most of the boxes you showed.
I have made it from scratch, but then I have never been in my right mind. 😉
I remember their Spongebob Squarepants boxes. Their options are endless and should therefore include a gluten free version. I get more response writing to YOU guys, than Kraft. And I get it out of my system. And I get heard. I could just print this blog post out and send it to them. Hmmmm, you’ve got me thinking now. 🙂
[…] was so appalling? I read your most recent post, Margaret, of Nanny Goats In Panties®. I read your open letter to Kraft Foods, pleading with them to come up with a gluten-free version of Kraft […]
There’s no gluten in the “cheese”? I find that hard to believe. These pictures are hilarious.
Well, for all I know, there IS gluten in the cheese. I should check the ingredients. The problem is, when you see “artificial and natural flavorings”, that could mean anything. Including gluten.
You make a good case for KRAFT cheese dust NGIP. i can almost taste its cheesy awesomeness. lol
I knew SOMEBODY would be with me on this one. 🙂
I have no idea what is in that powder, but I’m far more likely to have an allergic reaction to that.
I’m with Nicky on this. Macaroni cheese is NOT macaroni cheese unless you make it from real cheese. A chemically made alternative is not an option for me.
Oh! Now I want some!
Do not read posts about a favourite food when hungry and it’s bed time.
Babs – when I come visit you in the UK, will you make me and Mo some macaroni cheese?
I certainly will and you’ll love it’s cheesy goodness 🙂
I’m kind of surprised they don’t have a gluten free version!
Me too. Maybe it’s just a matter of time. (hope hope hope)
Love it….Kraft need to hire you to promote the stuff!!!!
‘Just sayin’…..
God bless and have an amazin’ evenin’ sweetie!!! :o)
I know! Can you imagine me as the spokesperson for Kraft Mac n Cheese? Why do I think that will never happen?
“And who in their right mind makes macaroni and cheese from scratch? Amish people, that’s who.”
I’m not Amish. I’m also not in my right mind. But that is besides the point.
What is the point, you ask? It’s NOT cheese! Remember Agent Orange? That’s right. May as well mix up some Draino with milk and butter and call it “cheese”. It’s NOT cheese!!
Now, you know I love you, Margaret. You know I do and I have for ages. I love your writing and I love your sense of humour and how you turned me into a Twinkie ‘ho. I even love when you call me Nick (which nobody else is allowed to do). But I must say, this latest post of yours has me questioning our relationship.
It’s like I never really knew you at all. Sigh. It’s like you’re just some chick I read about on page 43 of Inside Arden.
LOL! I know when I talk about certain things like food, I risk losing friends, like Jan because of her “real food” thing and especially you on this cheese thing. I can only hope that you can accept me for who I am which includes certain vices and flaws, one of which is fake cheese. I realize that’s sacriligious (or however you spell that) and blasphemous and all kinds of wrong, but I’d like to believe that it’s this honesty between us, the ups and downs in our relationship, and conflict resolution that comes from it that bring us closer together…Nick. 🙂
Oh, you’re not losing me as a friend. Over Kraft Mac ‘n’ Cheese? No, ma’am – if I stopped being your friend, I wouldn’t be able to make you feel REALLY REALLY GUILTY about it any more.
Yeah, Kraft. Seriously. Hook us up with some gluten free pastas!
I know, right? That’s all I’m sayin’. (Totally thinking of you and Poppa Sye today, Meleah.)
Thank you, Margaret.
You know there is like, no real CHEESE in that, right?
Why do you not save the macaronis and eat them yourself?
The publicist says if you have not tried Annie’s Mac and Cheese it is pretty close to the Kraft and they make gluten free http://www.amazon.com/Annies-Homegrown-Gluten-Free-Cheddar-6-Ounce/dp/B000CQ01NS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323721645&sr=8-1
Actually, we tried the Annie’s, but it was the kind with the liquid cheese sauce. We could try the dry kind, if we can find it.
And of COURSE I know there’s no cheese in it. That’s what makes it so…..cheeeesy.
Cheese flavored pasta dust. I love it! And I’m ashamed to admit that I really like the cheese flavored pasta dust and the pasta it comes with…
I do too. I wish I didn’t, but I do.
I put it on popcorn. O yes.
Mmmmmm. See? We could totally have a recipe blog for Manna cheese dust.
Oh, I am so biting my tongue here.
See? 😛
Every time I remotely discuss processed carbs, as well as blatantly, I think of you. 🙂