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An Open Letter to Email Marketers for Nanny Services

This is a letter to all you email marketing “experts” out there whose clients include nanny services.

(Nannies. As in, babysitters. As in, NOT GOATS.)

 

Dear Mindless Idiot,

Not on this planet have you been following my blog “for a while”. Otherwise you would plainly see that Nanny Goats in Panties is actually NOT a good fit for your client, ABC Nanny Services, Inc., LLC.

In fact, you have spent less time reading my blog than the perverts who Google themselves here via “nannies in panties”; it only takes them about 3 seconds to realize they are in the wrong place.

I do not care that you have published an article on your own nanny services site, yet you do not hesitate to ask if I would be interested in publishing YOUR irrelevant advertisement posed as content on my site (and for nothing in return, I might add). NGIP fans are too intelligent for your silly little auto-bots, or whatever mechanism you’re erroneously using to tap this blog in your promotional endeavors. For all I know, I’m writing to a robot. You aren’t even human, are you.

You, sir or madam, have a lot of nerve acting as if giving me content of yours is somehow doing me a favor when the complete, total, and exact opposite is true. I’m offended that you think I’m that stupid. Especially when you’re the total dope in this case.

A quick primer, you moronic ape…

This is a nanny:

This is a nanny goat in panties:

I have a good mind to rat you out to your client and tell him that he’s wasting the pittance he’s paying for your direct email marketing campaign, except that I’m sure the nickel per email you get to clog up the super information highway is keeping the unemployment rate down.

I’m yelling at you here because it was bad enough you neglected to see if my blog was a good fit, but you manufactured claims of research.

YOU. LIED.

Lied like a child who hands out a store-bought cookie and claims to have made it herself.

So you can take that cookie and stick it up your yeah.

Love and Kisses,
Nanny Goats

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18 Comments

  1. I really appreciate
    you taking the time to post this.  I
    really liked reading through it and am looking forward to more posts from you
    man.  Keep up the good work.Thanks for
    sharing with us.

  2. Ray says:

    Great post. I like your views. I would like to read your more updates.Keep in touch with us.

  3. Ralph says:

    Well written article.I appreciate your writing skills.It great.You have done a great job by sharing this post with us.Its really an informative post.Keep sharing with us in future too.Keep it up.

  4. Jaffer says:

    Hahaha … “Nannies in Panties” … oh my … I have been really missing out on this ! LOL

    Your business tone is just awesome. I hope to write like that to some of my clients who don’t deliver !

  5. Debby says:

    Now you’ll probably get panty companies wanting you to advertise for them. And they won’t even be goat panties.

  6. Nezzy says:

    Heehehehee!!!  You’ve got to be kiddin’ ( no pun here)!!!! 

    Ya just wonder how some people get up and out the door of a mornin’ don’t ya???

    Have a fun filled  day void of idiots!!! :o)

  7. Cindy O'Neil says:

    Yes, I see the connection: I would trust that little nanny goat in panties with my little ones, anytime! 

  8. shannon says:

    did someone say “Nanny” ??

  9. Slommler says:

    Oh dear!!  Nanny services???  Now that is beyond stupid!!
    Ha!
    Great letter
    Hugs
    SueAnn

  10. TheBrownWelsh says:

    Seriously! Like, I totes hate all the penis enlargement spam.

    I mean, have they not read my blog?

  11. Anne Hogan says:

    I hate those spray and pray marketing tactics!  Please oh please share any responses you get to that delightful note.  :)

  12. LOVE this letter! I hate when people don’t even take the time to do a little bit our research on your blog. I think you’re right, these request letters must be written by robots… or simple idiots!

  13. I keep getting people wanting to promote their sex toys, sexual attitude, sex anything on my blog.  Since my blog is http://www.butdoctorihatepink.com about Breast Cancer, somehow all they see is the “breast” and go for the sale.  Occasionally with pictures.

    So, considering yourself lucky.  Or unlucky, it’s up to you. 

  14. Rachele says:

    ha ha.  Love this.  Tell ‘em like it is.  

  15. Jayne says:

    Way to rip the butt head a new one.    

  16. Oh, snap! You tell ‘em Margaret!

  17. This SO annoys me!  Does anybody actually do any work to earn their fee, aside from annoy us bloggers?

  18. Pricilla says:

    Here here!
    You are so very right. I wonder if they even know how to read.
    Harumph!

    That is one stylin’ nanny goat in panties you got there…..