Look, I don’t know what it is about my presence at TV stations and seemingly coincidental alien abductions of the entire crew, but there I was, yakking it up with David Letterman in the green room of the Ed Sullivan Theater and all of a sudden, he and everyone else just… disappeared.
Dave had heard about the the success of Sticky Readers spinning out of control and wanted to be the first big talk show to break the story – he’s pretty sure Hollywood will be knocking down my door to buy the movie rights.
Anyway, Dave was filling me in on my segment, asked me if I knew any stupid human tricks, and the next thing you know – POOF! Gone.
I ran to the set to see if the audience was still there, but no, they had been abducted as well. And the aliens had already transformed the set to look as if it was in “maintenance mode”, as if the show was dark for a while, as if Dave was never even there, as if he was on vacation or something and had never actually spoken to me, let alone knew who I was.
I don’t know who those aliens thought they were kidding, but once again I was put in the position of either saving the show or letting it fall into reruns.
I ran into the control room, grasping at switches and pulling levers and yelling things like “Action!” and “Switch to camera 2!” and “Close up on that watermelon!” at no one in particular. Actually at no one at all.
Then I ran back onto the set, but not before opening the stage door and grabbing the first passer by as my guest for the evening.
She actually turned out to be a rather nice chap. Raises alpacas in South America for a Columbian drug lord.
However, as brilliantly as I pulled off this one show, I knew I couldn’t do it every night. I had to get back to Sacramento, plus the gig only pays scale, so I bailed.