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Another Ed Sullivan Theater Break-In

Look, I don’t know what it is about my presence at TV stations and seemingly coincidental alien abductions of the entire crew, but there I was, yakking it up with David Letterman in the green room of the Ed Sullivan Theater and all of a sudden, he and everyone else just… disappeared.

david letterman, green room
The Green Room, where I watch as Dave is beamed up to a space ship.

Dave had heard about the the success of Sticky Readers spinning out of control and wanted to be the first big talk show to break the story – he’s pretty sure Hollywood will be knocking down my door to buy the movie rights.

Anyway, Dave was filling me in on my segment, asked me if I knew any stupid human tricks, and the next thing you know – POOF! Gone.

I ran to the set to see if the audience was still there, but no, they had been abducted as well. And the aliens had already transformed the set to look as if it was in “maintenance mode”, as if the show was dark for a while, as if Dave was never even there, as if he was on vacation or something and had never actually spoken to me, let alone knew who I was.

letterman set bandstand
The missing Paul Shaffer and the equally missing CBS Orchestra. Is this the work of alien vandals?

I don’t know who those aliens thought they were kidding, but once again I was put in the position of either saving the show or letting it fall into reruns.

I ran into the control room, grasping at switches and pulling levers and yelling things like “Action!” and “Switch to camera 2!” and “Close up on that watermelon!” at no one in particular. Actually at no one at all.

david letterman, control room

Then I ran back onto the set, but not before opening the stage door and grabbing the first passer by as my guest for the evening.

david letterman set

She actually turned out to be a rather nice chap. Raises alpacas in South America for a Columbian drug lord.

However, as brilliantly as I pulled off this one show, I knew I couldn’t do it every night. I had to get back to Sacramento, plus the gig only pays scale, so I bailed.

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23 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    If I were you I’d start worrying about police presence… It’s only a matter of time before they realise your alliance with the aliens and start asking questions…

    1. Shhh!!!! Don’t say that so loud! They’ll hear you. The aliens AND the cops.

  2. Jayne says:

    You’re silly.  I like that in a person.  

  3. Joanna Jenkins says:

    You are a Rock Star!  What a great post and I LOVE YOUR BOOK!
    xo jj

    1. Thank you, Joanna! And THANK YOU!!!!

  4. Slommler says:

    Ha!!!  I am worried now!!!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

  5. D’you think you could get Craig Ferguson from the Late Late Show to interview you?  Because I have a tinfoil-hat franchise with the aliens, and could probably ransom him with Smarties and stainless flatware to have him for my very own *clasps hands to bosom*.  I always wanted a Craig Ferguson of my very own!

    1. Ooooh, Craig Ferguson. Me too! We’re gonna have to clone him, I think.

  6. I can relate.  Anytime I’m on the Today Show the exact same thing happens!  The producers been begging me to consider taking over Anne’s spot.  But the thought of having to share the couch and those morning hours……

    1. Oh, I know what you mean. What a hassle, right?

  7. Totally looks like lots of fun… even with all the alien abductions. =)

  8. Pricilla says:

    I don’t want to really disappoint you but Dave was HERE. Uh-huh from his home in Montana. He wanted to interview a Famous SpokesGoat and that is ME!

    But then Abby butt the band members and it went downhill from there

    1. Oh, silly Abby! So sorry you missed your interview, Pricilla!

  9. Thomas C. says:

    Does this mean that “Wake the Hell Up, Sacramento with Margaret Andrews” has been canceled?

    1. Nicky says:

      I think it just means that “Wake the Hell Up, Sacramento” with Margaret Andrews will follow “Go the Hell to Sleep, It’s Late Night” with Margaret Andrews.

      1. Hey, that’s a great idea. Back to back shows in the middle of the night.

        Nice.

    2. Never! I just have to install those little alien detectors that ants and dryer lint will be tripping all the time that scream piercing beeps during tapings.

  10. Does this mean you’ll be too famous to talk to me?  You are moving in high places – even if you do empty them out 🙂

    1. Babs…I could never be too famous to talk to you. Wait – I hope I didn’t just jinx myself into nonfamousness! 😉

  11. OMG! I am soooo jealous you are REALLY on the set of the Dave Letterman Show!! One of my FAVORITE late night shows, evah! Here’s hoping the aliens return him – and right quick!

    1. Ha! Well, of course you know I was there that same week I saw you, obviously. They were dark that week (or did I tell you this already?)