I finally spent some real money on a Calphalon pan at Williams-Sonoma earlier this year and it recently went to pot, so to speak. The bottom coating kept coming off every time I wiped it dry with a towel and the bacon burnt no matter how slow I cooked it and eggs totally stuck to it and it’s a pain in the tukus to clean now and I’m pissed because the first time I really pull out my wallet for a pan, it’s goes bad faster than any other one I’ve owned.
My kitchen stuff is usually purchased at Bed, Bath and Beyond with an expired 20% off coupon. I don’t remember how much I spent on this one, I just remember it being more than what I would normally spend. And at Williams-Sonoma! The Tiffany of kitchenware. The Tiffany at which you can actually have breakfast. Because lotsa times when you go there, they are often making cookies or something.
Anyway, when I burnt my bacon for the umpteenth time yesterday, I got all fired up and decided I would march right over to Williams-Sonoma that very same day and meekishly demand satisfaction.
I hate demanding satisfaction. I never ask for anything. I never send food back at a restaurant. I just can’t. I have no guts for that sort of thing. I’d rather just never go back. I don’t know where this mortifying fear of rejection comes from, and that’s what it is, because I can’t stand the thought of asking for something, even if it’s totally justified and reasonable, and having someone tell me no. It’s so horrifying. I’d never have made it as a guy, except for the Sadie Hawkins dance, maybe.
But, dag nabbit! I was really frustrated about this pan. Why should this pan totally suck? It seemed so unfair. I tried to take good care of it, never cooking bacon with a fork, always clipping BOTH monkeys’ toenails before letting them play in the kitchen cupboards, and limiting Timmy, the neighbor boy, from taking the pots and pans out for his one-man band busquing down on K Street to no more than once a week. You know, real proper kitchenware care.
I envisioned crawling into Willams-Sonoma on my hands and knees and apologize for being born and is this expensive pan really supposed to act this way and if it is, I was just wondering thank you for your time.
I was also worried about going just before they close on the Sunday night of Black Friday weekend, the biggest shopping weekend of the year. Not exactly good timing. Those employees were going to be exhausted and not the least bit patient and generous and what was I thinking?
I wasn’t thinking.
I changed out of my sweatshirt and took a shower and did my hair and put on a nice sweater and earrings and even though people aren’t supposed to judge you on how you look, I also once heard that you should dress the way you want to be treated.
I was giggly and nervous with the greeter as I walked into the store (because apparently my method of portraying a dissatisified customer is to turn into a tittering idiot). I was then escorted to a cashier and I explained my conundrum as best I could and tried not to apologize for living or disturbing her and tried not to sound so defensive about taking good care of the pan even though she didn’t even ask about that and no, I didn’t have a receipt and they couldn’t look up my purchase history and then the cashier said she was going to get their kitchen specialist, which I took to mean that some large aproned woman named Olga would drag me to a dark storage room and interrogate me with a single light bulb shining over my head while she smacked one hand with a Martha Stewart marble rolling pin.
What the cashier actually said was that she’d get the specialist to come over and explain what could have gone wrong with the pan, but meanwhile here’s another pan.
What???? Really????
I think the cashier backed away to find the specialist rather quickly because she saw the glint in my eye that normally precedes extreme hugging and kissing of the utmost gratitude. Which was probably best for both of us, really, now that I think about it.
I don’t know if you can tell the difference, but here was the pan I returned:
And here’s the new one.
The specialist actually consulted with me about the pan, and he went on to explain that de-adonization had occurred and chemical dipping and harsh abrasives and blah blah blah, but I inquired about the best way to take care of this “dishwasher safe” “non-stick” pan and I’ll pass these tips on to you for when you buy your own “dishwasher safe” “nonstick” pan.
1. Even though it says “dishwasher safe”, do not put them in the dishwasher. The detergents are very abrasive and will wear out your pan a lot faster.
2. Do not use the scratchy side of the sponge when you wash it by hand.
3. Do not use a wire brush, but plastic brushes are okay.
I’ll add my own here and tell you not to cook your bacon with a fork. Not that I did, mind you. I’m just telling YOU not to. I forgot to ask the specialist if I should keep the monkeys out of the cupboards.
So there you go. I love Williams-Sonoma. My heart now beats only for Williams-Sonoma. I mean, how can you not fall for a kitchen store that sells Happy Goat Caramels at the counter?
The moment I saw the picture, I thought Dishwasher. My dishwasher ruins my spatulas and strainers. It leaves that white film that does not wash off. I have learned never put pans in the dishwasher.
Are those Pricilla’s happy goat caramels?
I have Calphalon pans, I can’t spell them apparently but I know how to take care of them. I got them as a wedding gift from my first marriage. The pans lasted way longer than the husband. However I don’t have the non stick kind just the heavy duty pans that you can use forks with to cook your bacon. Your new pan looks nice.
My experience with upscale stores is that they believe what I tell them, take things back without a receipt and actually offer me satisfaction. Generally.
I thought I was really risking my self-esteem with trying to return the pan. And was genuinely surprised when they just exchanged it. I wish my old age would kick in already where you’re supposed to have the attitude of: “Who cares what anyone thinks?”
Yes! I used to work there, and everything you buy is guaranteed by them forever. You can always take it back and they’ll give you a new one. I saw a guy walk in with a crusty old Dualit toaster (price those) and they handed him another. Another fact I didn’t know until I was an employee: if you work in food service, they give you a 10% discount (hopefully they still do!). I have had such terrible luck with warantee agreements offered by manufacturers that I consider it completely worth it to spend the extra money to buy it at Williams-Sonoma so I have their guarantee, especially if I’m dropping good money on pots and pans. I second the recommendation for All-Clad–and not the low-end Emeril crap because it pits like crazy and the lids suck.
Okay then, this is obviously a sign that I should start a new file folder called “Receipts from Williams-Sonoma”, so that they won’t even have the chance to look at me funny if I ever have to return anything again.
My first time at your site. Love the story! I usually stay out of Williams Sonoma because I’m too lazy to froo-froo up just to buy a serving dish. Make-up is bad enough, earrings are over the top.
First of all, welcome to Nanny Goats in Panties!
Second of all, luckily they didn’t hold the fact that I don’t wear make-up against me. 🙂
Your first mistake is thinking that the employees have enough loyalty to their employer that they would resist giving you a replacement. Usually you get less resistance for things like that from company-owned stores than you do mom and pop operations or franchises.
Unless your using undiluted lye soap, your dishwasher shouldn’t do that to your pans. Mrs. Rambler has a set of cookware that is about 10 years old that is always run through the dishwasher and it still looks new. Except for the one I used to cook bacon with a fork.
Well if that isn’t an endorsement for the brand of pans she’s using, I don’t know what is. So…what brand are these wonder pans?
See, now aren’t you all just full of the piss and vinegar and fired up to return more stuff? Go ahead. Clean out the place. You are now officially a bad-ass, girlfriend!
Fantastic. I’m glad you got a new one.
And I like how it’s “dishwasher safe” in theory only.
I think this is a long-winded way to post about goat caramels. Admit it. 🙂
Glad you got a new pan!
Ha!
I bought an entire set of these pans about 4 years ago. It was a boatload of money! I too, took good care of them…no metal utensils, don’t put them in the dishwasher, etc. They are horrid! The finish on three of them has come off! I did send the large skilled back to Calphalon and they did replace it, but did not offer an explanation as to why it happened. I will never spend this kind of money on pots and pans again! I bought a $25 skillet at Costco and that sucker rocks the house!
So what brand did you buy at Costco? And was it a nonstick pan? I don’t care it it costs five dollars or a hundred. I just don’t ever want to have to keep buying new ones and wasting landfill space.
Shoot. I don’t recall off the top of my head, but I’ll look at it tonight and get back to you. It’s my go-to pan!
Holy hell Margaret. I am laughing so hard right now. This post is friggen hilarious.
Gah, I love the way you write!!
I am not one for conflict either. I’ve never sent anything back in a restaurant, and I’ve never been brave enough to take back a faulty non-stick, dish-washer safe pans.
This whole story is extremely funny, but I think my favorite part was the total visual I got when I read this part:
“I was then escorted to a cashier and I explained my conundrum as best I could and tried not to apologize for living or disturbing her and tried not to sound so defensive about taking good care of the pan even though she didn’t even ask about that and no, I didn’t have a receipt and they couldn’t look up my purchase history and then the cashier said she was going to get their kitchen specialist, which I took to mean that some large aproned woman named Olga would drag me to a dark storage room and interrogate me with a single light bulb shining over my head while she smacked one hand with a Martha Stewart marble rolling pin.”
You crack me up!
Oh Meleah, you are so sweet to say so! Thank you thank you thank you! And thanks for the plug on your FB page. And thanks for the retweet!
MWAH!
You’re welcome.
Happy Goat Caramels.. love it! I am one of those people who bargains like this… “Are you SURE you don’t want me to pay more for that item?” Glad the returning went well!
Happy Goat Caramels.. love it! I am one of those people who bargains like this… “Are you SURE you don’t want me to pay more for that item?” Glad the returning went well!
Calphalon. Worst pans we ever purchased, and I’m not hesitant to return anything I am dissatisfied with. Nuttin’ honey.
Di
Good for you, Di!
And we’ll see how long this 2nd pan lasts.
OMG, I am the same way. My husband can return anything and he’s a shameless haggler. I want to shrink into the floor when he starts haggling over a price. What IS that? But good for you for returning the pan. I manage to take stuff back from time to time but it’s hard!
It took me about a week to work up the courage to do it. And I totally cringe when it comes to haggling. It’s why I bought a Saturn. Twice.
Yeah! I love a happy ending. Glad you got a new pan, no questions asked. That stuff is expensive and should last forever.
Cheers, jj
Congrats on your conquest. I need some new pans too, but I’m too cheap to buy something like that. I’m still using a $10 pan I got from Sam’s about 5 years ago. Non-stick 12-inch. It’s never been in the dishwasher or had metal utensils used on it. Still, it is showing some wear and starting to stick a bit.
And this is when you do the math. Which is more economical: A $10 pan that lasts at least 5 years? Or a $100 pan that lasts less than that?
Glad they just gave you a new pan. I use that brand and they’re awesome. I will now shop at W-S safe in the knowledge they stand by their product…
Amy! So nice to see you! Yes, now I will have a second chance at Calphalon, or should I say, they have a second chance with me. At this point though, I’m more impressed with W-S.
Margaret that’s awesome. I had a similar experience with my crockpot. I broke the handle on my 5 year old pot so I shyly phoned the 1-800 printed on it to see if I could get a new handle. Nope the lady on the phone cheerfully replied. We don’t make that model anymore. I can send you a new one …. free and we’ll pay the shipping. I nearly tripped over my tongue saying thank you! BTW I had my second NGIP moment the other day. Check out my post at http://pengellypastimes.blogspot.com
I don’t get when stores will replace old equipment because it seems like you could then just do that forever for the same pan. Are they really trying to say that that particular pan is supposed to last forever? How are they supposed to make money that way?
Well she offered me the free pan and then spent some time trying to upsell me to a bigger one, a bluer one, a steel one or one with a timer. No? How ’bout some tools to make crockpotting easier (it can get easier? throw in the stuff, turn it on, wait. How hard is that?) But I stuck to free and said thanks – a lot.
I have a Calphalon pot bought back in 19?? that looks similar on the inside as your old one did on the outside.
However, not only did I not purchase it within the past decade, I also did not purchase it from Williams-Sonoma. So, I am thinking they likely will not take it in exchange for me now, or even give me some of those caramels.
I love caramels.
Mmmmm, caramels.
I also love Jon Hamm.
Mmmmm, Jon Hamm.
Where was I again? Oh, right, pots-n-pans. I need a new pot to replace my icky one, and am contemplating going to non-nonstick. I don’t want anything that needs polishing, though. And I’m not going to any fancy-pants place like your Five and Dime or Woolworths or K-Mart, either. If I can’t buy ’em shrink-wrapped in a multi-pack, they’re too rich for my blood. (Seriously – that one Calphalon pan that is now bad is the only one I own.)
You totally rock for getting that exchange, at least in this tittering idiot’s opinion.
hee heeeee! You crack me up , girl. Ah yes, the shrink-wrapped multi-pan-pack often found on aisle 12 in the grocery store, next to the 12-packs of Glad plastic disposable Tupperware thingies.
I own a whole set of the Professional collection of Calphalon, the stuff that doesn’t have non-stick in it. It broke my heart when they started coating everything with nonstick, I love my Professionals, and now I’ll never be able to get anymore *sniff, sniff, SOBBBBING*. They have special stuff that you can use to bring the black back up on the pans (usually it’s in amongst the pans). Used to be they also had these great $20 pan deals to try to get people to take a shot at using the pans…I feel so old.
Wow! A whole Professional set! I just have one pan so far. And I have a Le Creuset Dutch oven. The rest is random mis-matched stuff from Joe’s Five and Dime or whatever. That’s right. Five and Dime. Guess how old I am!
Also? I hate it when you find something you love and they stop making it. What is wrong with people? This usually happens to me with underwear. You finally find something that fits exactly right and then they stop making it. You know why? Because then you won’t buy as many because trial and error costs more.
A new pan and Happy Goat caramels…girl, does life get any better!!!
You’ll have to teach me that look next time I need to be bold and intimidatin’!
God bless and have a fantastic week sweetie!!!
I hate to be practical but stainless steel pans are the way to go. Do NOT buy them in Williams-Sonoma because the exact same pans they carry can be gotten for less elsewhere – just sayin’
Plus if you actually do burn something in a stainless steel pan, or something gets stuck, an 89¢ can of Bon Ami gets the pans clean and shiny and no do NOT put them in the dishwasher even tho they say you can.
I have Cuisineart stainless steel pans, not the very top of the line, which I ordered from Cooking.com – best prices anywhere! I love these pans.
I don’t use my old cast iron pans too much anymore because the doctor said my husband’s iron levels were too high and I should stop using them. Yes, it’s true, the iron from the pans does leech out into your food. Who knew?
Please don’t hate to be practical, Grace. I love being practical. I hope to get lots of advice here about cookware because frankly, it’s one of the few places you can get the truth any more. I heard about iron leeching out from the pans, but wasn’t that supposed to be a good thing? Or maybe that was if you’re iron deficient. I don’t remember now. Clearly though if your iron levels are too high, stay away from the pans.
I’m no good at stuff like that either. You did a good job! Wow, that old pan looks really crappy. 🙁 I hope you’ll let us know how your next batch of bacon turns out.
Why, I can tell you already that the next batch of bacon came out just fine because, as we speak, I’m eating my first breakfast burrito since the switch!
Hilarious story. It’s also a reminder to me why I love to cook in antique cast iron pans.
I imagine in your line of work, John, you come across all sorts of ancient cooking devices.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Margaret Andrews and Cheryl, Lorie Shewbridge. Lorie Shewbridge said: You go get 'em, Margaret!! RT @nannygoats: How I Duked It Out With Williams-Sonoma http://ow.ly/3gYDW […]
You, my dear, are hilarious.
Thank you, dahlink!
I concur!!
The publicist suggests All Clad for your next big pan purchase. Do not be afraid of a non non stick pan. If you cook at the correct temperature you don’t need non stick and all its icky chemicals.
While the male person has spoiled her with CopRChef All Clad makes a nice line of stainless pots that will only take you for an arm as opposed to her pots which took the male person for half his torso.
She too was meek until her aneurysm. Now she could care less. Almost dying does that but she does not recommend it as a way of sticking up for yourself.
I wonder if the Happy Goat Caramels come from Happy Goats?
I’ve never even heard of CopRChef. And I wish I could take the dive and go with the more healthy non non stick. I totally thought of you when I saw the Happy Goat Caramels. Aren’t they stealing your name or something?
I am not a smart goat like you and am not trademarked…
The male person knew the publicist liked copper pots so he bought her one a year for Christmas for many years. It’s All Clad’s copper line. They are the most wonderful pots in the world…or so thinks the publicist.
Maybe I can go someplace like Williams-Sonoma and they can teach me about the right temperature and other stuff so that the good cookware won’t scare me. I see Williams-Sonoma carries All Clad but not CopRChef (they do have something called copper core), but Amazon seems to carry the CopRChef line. It’s very pretty.
Almost all All Clad is copper core. Copper is a wonderful conductor of heat and that is why it works so well. The copper on the outside is mostly for show and polishing. Lots and lots and lots of polishing….
You just said the magic words. I would not want anything that requires lots and lots and lots of polishing. I will take the plain ol’ non-pretty not-copper-on-the-outside All-Clad please.
Holy CRAP what a difference! I can’t believe it just wiped off like that! It would make me really nervous about what the coating INSIDE the pan was doing too. WOW.
Oh, I love taking stuff back. My husband says I could probably return a half-eaten Snickers bar and get a refund, a coupon and a date with Jon Hamm. He’s very jealous of Jon Hamm. I also get out of traffic tickets by crying. Everytime.
Congrats on your successful return and did you get any caramels? If you had cried, they probably would have thrown in a package.
Smiles,
Lisa
You…are awesome. And any male not jealous of Jon Hamm is abnormal. I would love to be a fly on the roof of your car when you get pulled over. The inside of the roof, of course. Especially if you’ve been doing 20 over the speed limit.