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I’m a New York Party Crasher. And a Supermodel.

So I’m at this blogging conference in New York a couple weeks ago and I end up at this party hosted by some chick and her friends at some bar on Columbus Circle, although why we continue to egregiously celebrate Wrong Way Roger by erecting statues in the middle of the roadway around which people must drive is beyond me, but I digress.

I’m with Robyn of Robyn’s Online World and Connie of Brain Foggles and they decide to come with me and “crash” the party since they are not “on the list”. When we arrive, there are several young, large, muscular, black-T-shirted men who are asking questions at the door and I’ve already decided that I want to be a rebel and crash this party too. Even though I’m on the list.

As we approach the door, one of the black-shirted, clipboard-carrying, tanned robots turns his head away from us and we literally sidle along the wall and walk¬† in and I feel like I’ve gotten away with a bank robbery. Even though I’m on the list. I got to experience the adrenaline rush of “crashing”. Man I never felt so alive!

Anyway, Gavin DeGraw is near the window overlooking Wrong Way Roger and the place is filled with writhing and screaming women. I know you don’t believe me when I say I just walked into a bar and there is Gavin DeGraw but I snapped this picture to prove it.

Gavin DeGraw

It totally looks like him, right? Maybe next time you won’t be all up on your high horse talking all, “Margaret is a big fat liar”.

Whaddya mean it doesn’t look like him? Is it the angle? It’s the angle, isn’t it. I figured this would happen because I can’t seem to figure out how to use a “point and shoot” despite the eponymous type of camera, so I invariably take twelve¬† pictures of everything in the hopes that one might turn out OK. So how about this one?

Margaret and Gavin DeGraw

Does this look like him? (The guy on the right, I mean.)

But who cares about celebrity sightings, right? You want to know how I became a supermodel. Well, so at this party, which was sponsored by some place that makes razors, they had these crazy skinny models who I think are in the Guinness Book of Records for the longest legs in the world.

schick girls

These are the Schick Girls. More like Stick Girls, if you ask me.

So anyway, these Stick Chicks call out to me and ask if I want to be their leader and I say, No way! And they say Way! And I say No Way! And we go back and forth like that for about half an hour. So I cave and sign a lucrative multi-million dollar contract – well that’s redundant, isn’t it – I mean since when is a multi-million dollar contract not lucrative? I probably just should have said multi-million dollar, but then that’s semi-specific and not really any of your business, so maybe I just should have said lucrative, but then lucrative is a relative term and you might have thought that $10,000 was lucrative and I’d want you to know that it was multiples of millions. In fact, I don’t want you to minimize it and think it was only 2 or 3 million when it was more like $14.8 million.

And I suppose you want proof of that too, so here you go…

schick girls and margaret

Not that that will satisfy you because there is no satisfying you people, I swear.

My point here is that until someone pays me multiples of millions for blogging, I’m stuck posing with sticks for a while.

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58 Comments

  1. savvy says:

    What i don’t realize is actually how you are not actually much more well-liked than you may be right now. You are so intelligent. You realize thus considerably relating to this subject, produced me personally consider it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated unless it is one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. Always maintain it up!

  2. You are just too stinkin’ funny!! Plus I think you are WAY MORE prettier than those stick ladies. Sheesh…

  3. These slick Schick stick chics look sick – if you ask me (it's good job there weren't six of them – it would have taken me ages to say it.).
    You my dear look fabulous. As a further act of rebellion in this temple to smooth limbs you should have revealed a pair of hairy armpits – that would have scared 'em all. (What do you mean, it's just me?)

    1. You….are a genius. Why didn't I think of that?

  4. Sticks, yes… but OH would I love to have those legs!

    1. I know! How fun (and completely shallow) would THAT be?

  5. Sheila says:

    Good God those girls have long legs! Geeez!

  6. Boondockramblings says:

    Who taught you to take photos? Sheesh…you're a blogger…get some lessons! We need clear photos and … blah, blah…the stick girls were cool…seriously, though…why were they shaving their legs? I agree with Tracy! :-)

    1. Because they were promoting Shick, the party sponsor, I'm assuming. Of course, if they were promoting vibrators, that would make for an interesting picture and probably not one I would be able post on my blog. I could give it to Moooog.

  7. Nezzy says:

    Oh honey those lollipop girls wouldn't last a day down here on the Ponderosa but you, looky at you. Your just a darn cute little party crasher!!!

    Ya'll have a terrifically blessed week! :o)

  8. Margaret, you make those gals look like female impersonators! What a fun post!

    1. They do have a little bit of that Priscilla, Queen of the Desert thing going on, don't they?

      1. Yup! And you do not, thank goodness!

  9. moooooog35 says:

    I wish I was a woman.

    What?

  10. CatLadyLarew says:

    You wild woman, you! If crashing the party hadn't worked, you could have always bribed the bouncers with those NGIP pens?

    1. Yes! It's why I always make sure I have one or two on me at all times. Just so I can be sure to get that table by the window. :)

  11. Ruth says:

    Seems to me that girl is wearing too much blue eyeshadow, but it could just be that I'm out of the loop. Is that a “thing” now? Is it a trend starting in NY? If I start smearing florescent eye makeup on half my face will I be ahead of the game?

    Also, just curious: Do you ever try to break into your house even though the keys are in your pocket? Jump start your own car? Steal your own silverware?

    1. You know, you're right. It does kind of go all the way up her face, doesn't it. And if New York does it, I guess that automatically means it's fashionable, because who would question it? (except us, I mean).

      Also? I like where you ran with the theme there at the end. Nice. :)

  12. lisleman says:

    thanks for the nice pics of the sticks.

    So you are a big time blogger to be going to conventions and all. I do like the way you handle the money issue.

    1. You are most welcome, lisleman. We are an All-Gender blog here at NGIP. And don't tell anybody else, but you don't have to be a big time blogger to go to blog conferences.

  13. Shoegal1975 says:

    Man those chicks are like Amazon women! I wish I had legs that long. Or legs that looked like that would be nice.

    1. They WERE like Amazon women. Tall skinny smiley Amazon women. With extremely smooth legs.

  14. joannmannix says:

    See, if I were that close to Gavin, I would have had to give him a big, sloppy, wet kiss–whether he wanted it or not.

    And you know what that picture with the models reminds me of? the intro to Top Model where they're all pictured and one by one, they get erased out of the picture. You're the non erasable one. For real.

    1. Aw shucks, girlie. You so nice and evraythang! I could just eat you up!

      I'll bet Gavin got a few sloppy ones with all that estrogen flying around the room. The only men in the joint were either singing or serving. Oh yeah.

  15. Momo Fali says:

    You look as good as those models AND you eat sandwiches. This makes you far better than they are.

    1. Thank you, Momo! Remind me to smother you with kisses the next time I see you.

  16. I *bow* to you my fearless stick figure leader.

    1. Oh, why thank you for that. Because I couldn't get the stick figures to bow. They said something about being afraid they'd snap. Whatever.

  17. Brittany says:

    I was SO GLAD to finally meet you, because Imma gonna be honest, I thought you were a mythical creature. Like Santa. Or Tupac.

    And, I am so glad you bonded with the models, because as part of my contract, I ONLY throw parties that have bouffant haired, half naked models with razor fetishes. But, I mean, Don't we ALL!?

    1. No, YOU”RE Santa (or Tupac). Seeing you in real life was like Publisher's Clearing House knocking on my door. I can't believe it really happened! Awesome party, Chica!

  18. Nicky says:

    Ok, I have no idea who Gavin DeGraw is, but I'm Canadian and still dealing with post-traumatic Celine disorder.

    I think you ROCK for crashing a party you were invited to.

    Now about your multi-million dollar redundant lucrative more than $10 000 contract – you know you're going to put poor Gisele Bundchen out of a job, don't you? Have a heart Margaret, the girl really can't afford to miss a meal! :-)

    1. Thank you for acknowledging my biggest goal of the evening which was not getting a picture with stick figures or celebrities, but rebelling without a cause.

  19. Jayne says:

    Sounds like a helluva good time, you party animal.

    1. Yep, that's me. All of in bed by 11pm.

  20. I remain completely unsatisfied. And unimpressed. :) But that's just the jealousy talking.

    1. Ha! Nothing to be jealous of. That first picture is an untouched photo. Gavin DeGraw really does have a blurry face. And you want to date that, I don't think.

  21. Oh Margaret! You rock getting on stage with those Stick Chicks! I would never stand so close to people with legs that long!

    1. It was insane, those girls. But I have to admit, they were very nice and accomodating.

      1. Still! You're much braver than I'll ever be!

  22. MadMadMargo says:

    You forgot to shave, didn't you?

    1. You mean because I'm not showing my miles and miles of legs? Yes.

  23. I wish we had photos of us passing the guys with clipboards.

    I actually saw one of those sticks at another party the next night. Her hair was exactly the same and she was wearing a short skirt. You decipher the meaning of that…..

    1. What???? Seriously? Was she shaving her legs there too? Cuz shaving two days in a row, that gives you razor burn, doesn't it?

  24. I could have sworn you were flipping us the bird when you took that picture with the sticks! Thanks for letting me crash the party with you. Oh and do you know if that Hallal (sp?) cart will deliver to St. Louis? Man that stuff was good!

    1. I'm just now realizing that it does indeed look like my middle finger. Somebody else said that too. I made a reference to Arsenio Hall in the other person's comment.

  25. Wow. They look like mannequins. And you, lovely Margaret, look like their agent!

    1. I think they were mannequins, actually. Because some guy came up to pose them in the two different pictures. And they never really said anything. Hmmm…..

  26. You make a lively stick. Is that your INDEX finger on your chin in the last photo….I wasn't sure!

    1. That's so funny you said that because I was just looking at it and thinking, Hey that looks like my middle finger, because it looks so freakishly long for an index finger. I'm like Arsenio Hall with that finger.

  27. I am satisfied.

    For one thing, I don't know who Gavin McGraw is, so you could've posted a photo of Vasco de Gama, and I would've been impressed.

    Second, those models are FREAKS! Look at the color of the middle one! I mean, unless she's black, and then I apologize. But otherwise? No one should be that color.

    You look gorgeous. I love the way you're selling that purse.

    1. First, who is Vasco De Gama? Is she a parfumist?
      Second, Good Lord, I hadn't thought of that. But maybe it's because she is black. Or leans that way, anyway. Oh God, is that a racist thing to say?
      Third, I didn't realize I was selling it, but that just shows what a natural I am.

      1. Vasco da Gama was a 16th-century explorer. I only know this because I just finished editing a book about him. So it's only natural I would assume it was him pictured on your blog.

        I felt a little racist with my comment, so maybe we've canceled each other out.

        1. OK, actually I knew Vasco De gama was an explorer, but that's all I knew. I don't know a whole BOOK's worth of info about the guy like SOME people.

          1. After reading the book, I prefer to think of da Gama as a female parfumist.

  28. Pricilla says:

    Oooh, since I am a famous model myself I can give you some tips:

    1. Don't poop while having your photo taken. This really disrupts the mood. And the air.
    2. Show your good stomach – although since you only have one this might not be a good tip for you.
    3. Make sure your fur is nice and shiny.

    There! I hope I have helped you with your lucrative career. You can send me my 10% in apples. That first tip is really worth it.

    1. Awwwwwsome!!!!!! I love that first tip!

  29. Why are they shaving their legs? They ain't even barely hairy. In fact, they look like they were expertly waxed and moisturized! I call shennanigans.

    1. I know! Babies don't have hair, right?