Primitive Patriotism And Other Speculative Drama

May 26th, 2010

I’m so old now that I get to kick sentences off with such phrases as, “Well, in MY day…” while holding my aching back, aimlessly waving a crooked index finger and calling people “whippersnappers”.

So while you’re here, noshing on my snacks and drinking my beer, you will indulge me as I take you back to the 1970s, when I attended a little known school (so little, it doesn’t exist any more) called Coloma Elementary School in Sacramento (as opposed to it actually being located in Coloma, which is another city around here in California somewhere– jeez, you’d think we’d have had a field trip or something to the namesake of our school just to get some historical context or something). Anyway, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah – so once a week we had a bout of organized singing in class where we busted out hardcover songbooks from the class bookshelves and the teacher put a record on the turntable. Perhaps you’ve heard of records that now have the hipster term of “vinyl” so that they can charge five times more than what we paid for them when we were kids, but I’m digressing again.

We’d sing songs like, “This Land is Your Land”, “The Erie Canal”, and the one that goes, “Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam…” – - what’s that one called? Anyway, it conjured up visions of The Lone Ranger and singing folk songs around the campfire, and Go America, Yeah! Which is why I wonder now if they weren’t brainwashing us kids into some insidious patriotic stupor.

Some people might call it Americana; I call it a conspiracy. (dun-dun-DUN!)

Yeah, that’s what it was. And the history books taught us how “we” discovered America (as opposed to the occupants at the time) while bursting westward in horses and covered wagons yelling something about “Manifest Destiny”, because you know, this land was made for you and me, not them.

On the other hand, we wrote on tan paper pages with blue hairs in it and ten fat lines to a page, so what do I know?

Posted in: childhood, sacramento.
Tagged: 1970s · childhood · sacramento

http://litanyofbrittainy.blogspot.com/ britt

When I was a teenager I used to refuse to celebrate Columbus Day, (who really celebrates that anyway?), and Thanksgiving for reasons you aforementioned. My mom is still mad about it.
I read a book called “Lies My Teacher Told Me” by someone I would know the name of were I not to lazy to google it right now, but it was a good book. We totally wrote on the tan, hairy papers too, and I was in elementary school in the 80's and I just remembered that some rotten, beastly teenager called me “ma'am” the other day, and for that I hope that little bastard doesn't get asked to the prom.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Lies My Teacher Told Me is sitting on my book shelf as I write this, and you want to talk about lazy? I can't get up out of my chair to go see who the author is. I haven't read it yet, but you mentioning it just put it at the top of my reading pile.

http://www.anymommyoutthere.com anymommy

We wrote on tan, hairy paper. Universal child torture, apparently. That and revisionist history

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

The phrase “revisionist history” wandered through my head the whole time I composed this post.

AshAtShades

I'm looking forward to when the Oldest really gets into history to relearn it all or learn something new. Not to mention geography – remember when it was easy and U.S.S.R took up 1/4 of the globe?

I was all pleased getting carded at Target the other day. Until the little bastard told me “oh, we have to do that for everyone, no matter how old you look. The register requires it.”

Respect your elders! Two miles in the snow, both ways, to get to my afterschool job. Criminy.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

RE: The Target employee… was that really necessary? He didn't have to say that, the insensitive little boob.

And yeah, Russia used to be really big.

http://litanyofbrittainy.blogspot.com/ britt

google “texas schoolbook massacre” if you want to really get bent out of shape

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

I've heard enough about that massacre, and I would just get needlessly upset if I went out and Googled it on top of all that. (I'm getting all riled up just thinking about Googling it)

http://vixensden.com Vixen

Man, oh, man. You just took me back to my childhood. Good thing you remember it, because I had forgotten!

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Oh yes, it's a service we provide here at NGIP. Free of charge. Tune in again next week when we discuss Duck and Cover! and Cabbage Patch Dolls.

(not really)

http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

Now they make photo copies of the tan hairy paper, which doesn't seem cost effective at all.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

You mean they still use that tan hairy paper? I thought that went out with the Nixon administration.

http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

I think it did, they only have one sheet left and have been copying it ever
since.

flrdelis

LOL!! “Home, Home on the Range” is the song. I've just GOT to mimeograph this post to share with friends!
http://pinkporches.blogspot.com Lisa T.

Did you have to sing “This Old Hammer”? It went:

This old hammer (GRUNT) (giggle-giggle-inappropriate gestures)
Driving hammer (GRUNT) (giggle-giggle-giggle, even more inappropriate gestures)
This hammer'll be the death of me-lord-lord

Now you know the music teacher must have had to deal with this every year. So why would she continue to do that to herself? You just don't put 11 year old boys and a song that involves grunting together. You just don't.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

HA! I wish I could see that! Although imagining it is funny already.
And what's with all the hammer songs and the lord. Like that other one…
If I had a hammer,
I'd hammer in the mo-or-ning
I'd hammer in the evening,
All over this land…

http://pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com Pricilla

Oh you don't know what old is.
The publicist was going to middle and high school in the '70ies.

So, my dear YOU are the young whippersnapper.
She grew up with a (the horror!) black and white TV.

Regarding Columbus Day – this is one of the things about Arizona's new law about the ethnic classes that cracks me up. “Cause I am sure they consider the Native American classes to be ethnic 'cause they aren't “American” like the good Arizonan congresspeople. So I wonder if they can't teach about the people who WERE actually here first.
heh

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Hey, I made it all the way into my freshman year of high school before the 70s became the 80s. So I'm pretty dang close to you. OK, I didn't grow up with black and white TV, but it sounds like you aren' t THAT far ahead of me. And I bet you don't look a day over [insert your age minus 10 here].

http://pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com Pricilla

I graduated in '77 and married in '82
old, old, old

felicia

Which was the part that made you old – the graduation, or getting married?

(I kid, I kid.)

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

hee hee!

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

'83 and '00 for me. ( so I was an old bride anyway)

http://pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com Pricilla

No, just took you longer to find the perfect man.
The hubby was ages older than I. He graduated HS in '69. He went to Woodstock!!!!!

http://reluctantpatriot.blogspot.com/ Sparky

Those where happy days. After crushing the socialism in our midst, it will be splendid when we can go back to singing the praises of our country again. We on the RIGHT coast still believe in America and hold these truths to be self-evident.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Oh Sparky – I loves ya, even when you're in your RIGHT mind.

http://Iwonderwye.blogspot.com Amy Gray Light

Home on the Range….

That writing paper was weird. Remember how soft it was ? And what was up with those fat pencils??

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Oh yes! The fat pencils. For our little hands. How was that ever supposed to work well?

lindamedrano

My Navajo husband likes all those songs too! Still, it is a touch ironic, isn't it?
http://howtobecomeacatladywithoutthecats.blogspot.com CatLadyLarew

Every day at school it seems I'm telling the kids what it was like in the old days. (I just got back from sitting along the Erie Canal this evening.)

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

And that's another thing. When we sang about the Erie Canal, I had no idea what I was singing about, that there was actually an Erie Canal. It was like going to the Hollywood Bowl for the first time in real life as an adult, and realizing that those Bugs Bunny cartoons were basing that concert stage on a real place.

http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

You know, we made not have had exactly the same history, but Canadians were also not historically the “good guys” when they “discovered” Canada. We went the other route, though, and have taught generations to suffer from collective guilt. Every Canadian, young or old, usually begins a sentence with “I'm sorry”, regardless of the sentence. For example, “I'm sorry, but this blog is really funny!”

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

You know what? I'm thinking everybody is where they are because somebody fought somebody else to take it over.

http://www.weworkforcheees.com Nicky

That is actually the most perfect, to-the-point description of pretty much all of history I have ever heard!

http://tattytiara.blogspot.com/ tattytiara

I can't believe I had to sing it all the way to the chorus to remember it was Home on the Range. On the other hand I can't believe I remembered all the words all the way to the chorus.
http://tattytiara.blogspot.com/ tattytiara

I can't believe I had to sing it all the way to the chorus to remember it was Home on the Range. On the other hand I can't believe I remembered all the words all the way to the chorus.
http://tattytiara.blogspot.com/ tattytiara

I can't believe I had to sing it all the way to the chorus to remember it was Home on the Range. On the other hand I can't believe I remembered all the words all the way to the chorus.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

And I'm so glad you did because apparently I was too lazy to do it myself and now, thanks to you, I know the name of the song. Well, you and 2 or 3 other non-lazy people.

http://www.gooddayregularpeople.blogspot.com/ alexandra

Oh ga!! Tan paper with one inch spaced lines.

I WAS THERE!!
Came to say hi over from litany of britainy.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

And now you made me remember we used to have that paper with the alternating dotted lines on which to learn our cursive letters. Man, I'm feeling older and older with every memory.

mommytime

I remember all those songs! I hated music class (mostly because even at 9, I knew I could not carry a tune), but those songs were very inspiring.

Also, and unrelated to absolutely anything in this post: we were at a street fair two weeks ago, and could not get my daughter to leave the goat pen. They had baby goats (really, they ought to be called goatlets, not kids, don't you think?). She fell in love with this tiny sweet tan colored goat whose head came up to her 4-yr-old knees. 45 minutes later, we finally were able to go eat lunch. It was very sweet. So here's my question: how can I tell the difference between a baby goat and a miniature goat? This very tiny one looked oddly mature and not all wobbly like a baby. Perhaps, in the interests of educating the rest of us, you could have an NGIP goat primer sometime soon containing this and other useful information?

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Here's what you do. You take a picture, send it in, I put it up for goat thing of the day and ask the audience what kind of goat it is and all the goat farmers who read this blog can tell us. See? The wonder of the internet at work. Plus, contrary to the name of this blog, I don't know a damn thing about goats.

http://www.magicksandwich.org kathcom

Do you remember You Are There? That used a hand operated celluloid film projector. My back does really hurt and I do rail against those kids today. And thanks a lot for putting “Erie Canal” in my head. I may shoot myself to shut it off.

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

OK, I have to admit, I don't think we had hand-operated film projectors. Film strips and automatic film projectors though, yeah. I do remember You Are There, sort of. I mean I can hear in my head some guy saying, “…and you are there!” at the end, right? And are you still blogging? I went to Magick Sandwich the other day and it seemed like you were on hiatus or something.

http://www.magicksandwich.org kathcom

Yes, it was narrated by Walter Cronkite but I didn't know that at the time. I like that word–hiatus–it sounds better than just being uninspired and having no discipline. Thanks for stopping by the Sandwich, though. I'll try to be more consistent.

http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/ Jayne

Oh my God… I hadn't thought of that tan paper with the blue hairs and the fat lines in… well… pretty much never since I actually wrote on it. Want to go someplace where they have senior discounts and have a drink?
http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

Oh my goodness, I had forgotten all about writing on 'tan paper pages with blue hairs in it and ten fat lines to a page'!! You just brought me back!
http://mrmomsunite.blogspot.com/ Tahtimbo

I SO remember doing that. Our music teacher would come in once a week and bring tambourines and other stuff and we would sing songs. I remember her name was Miss Palm and I remember her name because I had a crush on her.
Oh, and the school I went to in Stockton (Yep, born and raised there) was Woodrow Wilson Elementary. Unfortunately, they tore it down in the 1980's. I then went to Commodore Stockton Jr. High, which they tore down the year I entered High school…do you see a pattern developing here??
Do you remember smelling the paper when they came off the ditto machine?
Thanks for this short trip down memory lane

http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

Oh Lord, that blue-ish purple-ish paper and the smell. You grew up in Stockton? Sounds like you're not there now. So where do you live now? I just want to be sure I don't move there, because when you leave, it will get torn down.

http://wwwsueann.blogspot.com SueAnn

I remember those sheets of paper!!!! I always wondered why the heck they had those blue hairs in there??
Never did find out!
Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn