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Abe Lincoln Wants to What My What?

So this guy has an epileptic seizure right behind me at the casino the other night. An older guy. His wife (I assume) was sitting there, casually, like this happens all the time. And maybe it does, because after the paramedics took him away, she keeps playing her slot machine. I mean, it’s not like he needed the car or anything, right? And maybe her machine was just about to hit the big one.

But anyway, that’s not why I called you here. I wanted to show you this five-dollar bill I recently got:

Nasty Five Dollar Bill

Whoa, slow down there, Abe. At least buy me dinner first.

Pretty cheeky for a dead guy. Who might also have been gay.

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59 Comments

  1. And he had Marfan's Syndrome, which would make him extremely flexible, if you know what I mean.

  2. Jude says:

    People do write some weird stuff on money. Be careful where you spend that, when I was cashier I always read what was on those bills, could make for an awkward moment. At any rate thanks for entertaining me today and the lady at the slots sounds like me years ago.

  3. HisFishHawk says:

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    1. Thank you, HisFishHawk! I love the image you used – it kind of epitomizes
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  4. habergang94 says:

    I am new to following your blog. Funny post!

    1. Thanks, habergang94! And thanks for following NGIP!

  5. Wow…I don't even know what to say about that dollar bill!

  6. Well, Margaret, you should have gone for it, because, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! EEWWW!!

  7. Katherine says:

    BWAHH HAAA HAAAA HAAAAAAA!

  8. John J Savo says:

    I once got a $100 bill on which Ben Franklin wanted to cook me pancakes.

    1. John – did you auction it off?

  9. She kept playing!!!– Sheesh, that's a die hard gambler– no pun intended.
    Hope your week is going good.
    jj

  10. Nance says:

    Gay? Abe? Never. Just because Mary was a basket case and a nut job, doesn't mean it was due to her hubby's off-sides affectional orientation. He was odd-looking, though; I believe that was the Marfan's Syndrome at work.

  11. How many blank lines follow the “P”? Because it should be four, right? It looks like there are only two, so . . . “Pie”? “Pup”? “Pot”? Well, no matter how you slice it, Abe's gotta clean up his act.

  12. omg, abe, you PIG! lol

    So..did you steal the guys machine? lol

  13. Sarah says:

    Abe!?! I'm shocked!

    She.kept.playing?? What?!? I was a freakin' mess after my daughter's seizures!

    On another note…when I was in college I worked at a restaurant and a guy that I was waiting on had a diabetic seizure (Steel Magnolias style). His wife was SO calm, I was quite impressed with how she handled it. But then, she did leave the restaurant with him.

  14. moooooog35 says:

    See how much tail you can pull with just five bucks?

  15. Sparky says:

    Hilarious! Looks like he was just being Honest Abe and spoke his perverted mind.

  16. bobbinlalaland says:

    Maybe he wants to lick your penis. If that's the case, he's obviously not talking to you. And then he is gay.

  17. Ausetkmt says:

    ooo sorry I was distracted looking through my wallet. wondering if that was a new line added by the bush adm on their way out. remember how the clinton adm folks stole all the w's off the keyboards ? hmmmm,,, so abe is getting oral ?

    Tell Us Dear, Does the Bill Do Anything SPECIAL When You Sit On It? Inquiring Minds Want To Know.. (side-eye)

    I'm sorry that sexy money is much more interesting than a babe who ignores her hubby having a seizure. she's a — whatever.

    1. oooo, that sounds awesome. I'd better sit on it before I spend it!

      1. Ausetkmt says:

        hey is there room for me too ?
        I promise I won't hog the lips.

        Best,

        ~RE
        BadGalsRadio.com // Reality in a Foundation Sound

  18. Ausetkmt says:

    Wait, OMG Abe “May” have been Gay ? oooooo, No HOMO.

  19. marlaahansen says:

    What did your poor cat ever do to this guy anyway?

  20. OMG – I can so see my mom staying and playing slots even if they took my dad out on a stretcher. I kid you not!

    And Abe – maybe he was talking to George? LOL (wheresgeorge.com)

  21. Surfie says:

    No wonder he got shot. That could have been the first stand against sexual harrassment. 🙂 I got a call from a stranger once when I was in middle school or early high school from a guy who found my phone number on a bill. A friend had been joking around in class about writing it on her money, but forgot to erase them all. And this yahoo actually called to strike up a relationship. Freak.

    1. Surfie – Ewwwwwwwwww!!!! Freak is right.

      And how evil am I for laughing at your first line: “No wonder he got shot.”?
      I'm probably going to hell for that.

  22. t.j. says:

    Only you could go from serious epilepsy to Abe the pervert! Seamlessly done 🙂 Seriously though, she didn't even go with him?!

  23. sheila says:

    If someone writes me a note like that it better be on a much higher denomination.

  24. Braja says:

    OMG, the goats are surfing. OK well alpacas started it but GET ON IT!!

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/03/16/artic

    1. HA! I'd be more suspicious that it's photoshopped, but the poor guy is
      soaking wet! Thanks, Braja!

  25. CatLadyLarew says:

    How come my money never talks to me? I'm a little bit jealous!

  26. Oh, and Abe's lips are just too much.

    When people gamble, they are in a different world, maybe even a different planet.

  27. Irish Gumbo says:

    Lick your what? WHAT? There's only two blanks after that first letter…I'm stumped!

    Cheeky monkey, that Abe.

  28. buggys says:

    Those politicians! You can't keep them out of the gutter!

  29. Sounds like that is one woman with her priorities in order.

    That Abe, he'll say anything to get into your pants. I mean, wallet. 🙂

  30. Manic_Mommy says:

    But he is wearing lipstick. Maybe he swings both ways?

    Nice wife. You know they've been married for quite a while.

  31. Paul says:

    LOL, maybe someone found a hearing impaired hooker.

  32. comedyplus says:

    Bwahahahahaha. Yep, buy me dinner first. That's rich.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂

  33. I thought Abe was gay!

  34. He looks kinda gay with those lips, not that there is anything wrong with that.

  35. Nezzy says:

    Hey baby, she was in Vegas why lose the chance to hit the mother load when her hubby was in such capable hands???

    Ya'll have a terrific Tuesday!!!

  36. SueAnn says:

    ROFL!!! Cheeky is right!! Lovin' his red lips!! LOL!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

  37. Are you sure the offer wasn't from the Secretary of Treasury? I mean, he's the one who signed the bill.

  38. pam101360 says:

    ha ha ha!…..made my day…lol!

    xoxo

  39. Kate says:

    Don't believe everything you read….most especially on money!

  40. Jayne says:

    Ewwww… That gives a whole new meaning to the term “dirty money.”

  41. Pricilla says:

    I am thinking that woman needs help.
    Perhaps from Abe…he wants to lick your psyche. Isn't that it? And clean all of your problems away….

  42. I don't know which is the greater shock for me: the woman or that Abe might not have been into women. Honestly, I had no idea. 😉

  43. That's pretty darn funny!

  44. Stephanie says:

    Well I know that when my husband goes down in flames I like to finish what I was doing before he SELFISHLY stole the attention! Lol…there are some ridiculous things on money!!

  45. Mahala says:

    Man.. I've not had an offer like that in forever. Dead guy or not.

    1. Ahahahahhahahahaah

  46. Leeuna says:

    Man, Ole' Honest Abe was a pervert! who knew! LOL at the woman who kept playing the slots. Sounds like my sister-in-law.

  47. windsorgrace says:

    That is cheeky. I hope you slapped abe!

  48. Christina says:

    I find it amusing that she kept on playing.

    That's what the $5 is for…. Abe is buying you dinner (what can I say, he's cheap) and obviously frisky.

    1. That's what I was thinking… They have some great buffets there… imagine all food you could eat at one of those.