How much would you pay for a magical bomb detector that can sniff out explosive devices as far away as 1 kilometer? Boy, THAT sure would save a lot of lives, wouldn’t it?
And how much would you pay if this magic bomb detector came with a set of memory cards, each one detecting different items, like, say, oh, I don’t know, elephants and 100 dollar bills? I mean that last feature alone means it would pay for itself, right? Because that HAD to have been the clincher for why the Iraqi government spent $60,000 each on what some people refer to as dowsing rods. Behold, the ADE-651:
But who cares that the Iraqi government spent a total of $85 million on these technological wonders that work off of our own bodies’ static electricity? The important thing is that it’s magic and totally worth it.
So what if science says different? And so what if Jim McCormick (whose company manufactures these incredible boxes of wonder) was recently arrested on charges of fraud? It’s not like he’s directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds if not thousands of innocent civilians who mistakenly depended on these bomb detectors that were distributed to hundreds of checkpoints throughout Iraq or anything. They arrested him for fraud, not murder. I’m sure the critics and accusers are just exaggerating the numbers anyway.
Naysayers complain about the simplistic design of this device. Researchers have examined it and determined that it’s an empty plastic box with one moving part and the interchangeable cards are the equivalent of a retail store anti-theft tag.
Jim McCormick, who is currently out on $1 million bail, acknowledges that the device may appear primitive. Which is why they’re “working on a new model with flashing lights”. So all you doubters out there, cut him some slack, would ya?
I’m sure underneath all that evil is a very misunderstood man. Also, when you have a minute, he has a magazine subscription to sell you to keep under-privileged kids off the streets. So if you’d just provide him with your bank account number and bend over…
Yeah. The lack of flashing lights is what would make me pass that up. Sign me up for the new and improved version. I bet he and Bernie would make great bff's* in prison.
*please note that bff used in this manner does NOT stand for Best Friends Forever. You can figure the rest out.
ooooh, flashing lights. id pay even more for one with flashing lights
When I was kid we used dowsing rods to find water in our back yard. Actually they were clothes hangers that were straighten out with one end bent as a handle. We held on to one in both hands and when they moved and crossed that was where the water would be. We tried it, and we sure enough we found water. At the time I was amazed. But now I realize that we would have found some water no matter where in our backyard we had drilled.
Oh, yeah! Good thing they will have to spend more money to replace the “primitive” models with the technologically advanced type…flashing lights don't come cheap! They will be new and improved after all.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. SITS is the best. I'm interested to see what else you've written.
What a dirt wad. He sounds like Bernie Madoff's evil twin. For his sentence, they should send him out into the streets of Iraq with one of his bogus rods and have him find hidden explosive devices. Kind of like a crude imitation of the Passover game “find the matzoh.” Only in this version of the game, you don't get a dollar when you find it.
I'd like to accuse you of joking or inadvertantly stumbling on an Onion story, but alas 'tis true. The whole thing would be funny if you guys hadn't paid for some of those with your tax dollars.
His head should be made to roll! Or at least fry! There are always those that are willing to prey on the public's fear so long as there is money involved.
This is just disgusting!! They should charge him with murder and he should get the death penalty.
holy. crap.
Ouch! I think the guy should demonstrate for the jury. On himself!
If he doesn't get back up, we'll call it a day.
Help me, Jeebus! Jim belongs to the Personality Disorders Hall of Fame, a new feature for my blog that I've just created right this second.
Finally, an actual WMD in Iraq.
(Despicable…)
HA! So true.
Of course the flashing lights make all the difference in the world. Now, if he could just add some bells and whistles, he'd have it made!
Have a wonderful day!!!
I have two sons in the military. Don't even get me started with this guy….. Too late.
I say, give him one of his devices and send him to Iraq. I'll pay for his one way ticket.
This guy qualifies for Screaming Me-me aka Mad Margo's “Douche Lord” title… for when the term “douchebag” just isn't enough. He certainly should be charged with multiple counts of homicide. Bastard! I'm ashamed that he's an American.
Is he an American? Holy Crap! I didn't check. I assumed he was British since
the company is in England.
Maybe he is a Brit. Oh, God. I hope so. We've got enough marks against us with all the Blackwater criminals.
I'll bet the “flashing lights” will make ALL the difference in the world…..
Good report! Thanks for sharing this Margaret. It's unbelievable how gullible frightened people can be. That's how we ended up with Comrade Zero … I rest my case. [wink]
WTF? I don't even know what to say except for the words that a friend of mine from high school used to use about bad boyfriends.. “He ought to be shot and pissed on”
Why isn't the Iraqi government suing the bastard?
Because for some reason, some of them still believe the thing works. The
ones that fail are simply a matter of “not enough training”, according to
the articles I've read.
Amazing!!! Cons still reign!!!! And I agree with Rebecca…how can people be so stupid!!??!!
HUgs
SueAnn
I shall refrain from voicing my feelings in a public forum…for I am a lady.
But I am fuming.
Boy, this makes my blood boil. I'm with Rebecca, how does he look himself in the mirror every morning? Evil.
It is rather too sad because I can imagine there are those who are still counting on the equipment to work. At the same time I wonder what was the purchasing procedure and whether any trials were conducted before they spent $85M. I guess not.
Ah, so that's who was at my doorstep the other night. No subscriptions or magical bomb detectors for me, thanks.
That is truly unbelievable…does that guy have a conscience…how can people be so stupid.