How much would you pay for a magical bomb detector that can sniff out explosive devices as far away as 1 kilometer? Boy, THAT sure would save a lot of lives, wouldn’t it?
And how much would you pay if this magic bomb detector came with a set of memory cards, each one detecting different items, like, say, oh, I don’t know, elephants and 100 dollar bills? I mean that last feature alone means it would pay for itself, right? Because that HAD to have been the clincher for why the Iraqi government spent $60,000 each on what some people refer to as dowsing rods. Behold, the ADE-651:
But who cares that the Iraqi government spent a total of $85 million on these technological wonders that work off of our own bodies’ static electricity? The important thing is that it’s magic and totally worth it.
So what if science says different? And so what if Jim McCormick (whose company manufactures these incredible boxes of wonder) was recently arrested on charges of fraud? It’s not like he’s directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds if not thousands of innocent civilians who mistakenly depended on these bomb detectors that were distributed to hundreds of checkpoints throughout Iraq or anything. They arrested him for fraud, not murder. I’m sure the critics and accusers are just exaggerating the numbers anyway.
Naysayers complain about the simplistic design of this device. Researchers have examined it and determined that it’s an empty plastic box with one moving part and the interchangeable cards are the equivalent of a retail store anti-theft tag.
Jim McCormick, who is currently out on $1 million bail, acknowledges that the device may appear primitive. Which is why they’re “working on a new model with flashing lights”. So all you doubters out there, cut him some slack, would ya?
I’m sure underneath all that evil is a very misunderstood man. Also, when you have a minute, he has a magazine subscription to sell you to keep under-privileged kids off the streets. So if you’d just provide him with your bank account number and bend over…