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You Don’t Like Me! You Really Don’t Like Me!

If you are reading this on a Kindle, I would like to say THANK YOU. And I love you. Don’t tell anybody else this, but you are my favorite. Yes, even you who are just on the 14-Day free trial, who haven’t yet committed. Maybe you aren’t sure. Maybe you got a Kindle for Christmas and knew about NGIP and decided to subscribe.

Or maybe you’d never heard of NGIP and you went shopping around in the Kindle Store in the Blog/Humor section. And even though NGIP is #12 when ranked by bestselling humor blogs, you chose it over all the others – only Lord knows why. So now, here you are in the back seat of your car pool, catching up on NGIP on the way to work as you sit next to Mildred who always smells like cat sick, bless her little heart.

They say the bigger they are, the harder they fall, which is why I didn’t even scrape a knee when I discovered my first scathing review for Nanny Goats in Panties on Amazon’s Kindle review page. Not that I spend every single day obsessively checking Amazon, staring at the screen, clicking the refresh button once a minute, looking for validation of my fabulousness.

But that’s OK because I needed a swift kick in the ego. After getting spoiled by my regular readers who were kind enough to leave a nice review, I got a good hard dose of reality. Not everyone likes goats. Not everyone has the same sense of humor as I. Or you, for that matter.

Can’t read that? Yeah, me neither. Let me quote this guy who entitled his review: “The worst blog I’ve seen yet.”:

“The blog I received on the first day of the free trial had 30 articles from the previous month and a half. I read them all and didn’t laugh once, and cancelled the subscription. I’m not sure who the intended demographic is for this blog- maybe 5-year-olds, or senile elderly people, or people who live their lives looking through rose-colored glasses. You must like goats to like this blog, because the majority of the articles are about goats and have pictures of goats. I’m amazed that the 15 previous reviewers gave this blog 5 stars. I think one star is too generous.”

Now I don’t care if he doesn’t like my blog. And I don’t care that he gave it one star and implied that it would have been less if he had the choice. He’s entitled to his opinion and I respect that. I’m not sure why he chose my blog out of all the humor blogs to subscribe to (as I said there are eleven others who are ranked higher than NGIP). It’s the fact that he has insulted YOU, dear readers. Calling you a bunch of kindergarteners, or senile elderly people, or worse – Pollyannas!

Actually, I’m pretty impressed that NGIP is the worst blog he’s ever seen. I mean, Dude! NGIP is #1 on his worst blog list ever! Wait – did I just sound like I’m wearing rose-colored glasses?

So here’s the thing, dear Kindle reader. If you saw the name Nanny Goats in Panties and were expecting far less goats and far more panties, you too can express your extreme disappointment after such high expectations, sir or madam, by voicing your opinion on the Kindle review page, where I’ll see it five minutes later because my entire emotional net worth rests on a bunch of zeros and ones on some server in an air-conditioned tile-floored room in Kansas.

So, don’t cry for me or anything, but I’m going to go lick my wounds, and see if I can manage to even go on after this devastating experience.

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