My motto is: If it’s free, it’s for me. So when I was invited to a movie screening for The Boys are Back, starring Clive Owen, I jumped on it. Oh, excuse me: a FILM. I was going to see a FILM, because a FILM is what we movie snobs attend. We do not see MOVIES. MOVIES are so declasse.
Initially, I was looking forward to it. Then Pessimism and Neurosis showed up and did everything they could to ruin the night for me. I was worried about getting a bad seat. I was worried about jerks around me talking during the movie. I was worried about paying some ungodly sum for parking, since the only information I saw about prices was several dollars per half hour.
As I get older and my memory fades, I wonder if I was always like this, or if there is a reason why I can’t just frickin’ chill.
Anyway, my niece and I arrived an hour early to meet up with two other bloggers, Jane, who runs MidLifeBloggers, and Lena Loo, and a line had already begun to form for the mov–er… film, and even though I asked one of the theater employees about this line and even though I was told I would not have to wait in that line, I wondered whether or not to believe them and still figured we had to get there before they started letting people in and Oh My God, what if we walk in at the last minute? Will we even be able to sit together?
Apparently my fellow bloggers weren’t the least bit concerned. They had what was called “experience” in this sort of thing and felt confident there would probably be seats set aside for us.
Yeah, right! As if! Not bloody likely! You have ME with you, and I am the Queen of Bad Karma and you will be lucky if you get to sit on the floor, wallowing in popcorn butter and sticky Milk Duds residue.
So I sat at a nearby Starbucks with my cohorts trying not to look at my watch every three minutes or utter things like, “So, do you think we should go now? Should we try to get a seat, do you think? Hey, what’s say we beat the crowd?”
I’m pathetic, right? Don’t ever ask me to go out with you, because I’m pathetic.
Now properly hopped-up on caffeine, I erratically dart over with my friends to the theater, where the line has disappeared, which means everyone already has a seat and we’ll be lucky if we can stand in the back and somebody is checking our name on a list and another guy says, ‘Right this way’, and he leads us to three rows taped off for reserved guests.
Huzza! Huzza!
See? I may be a cynic, but I’m also easy to please. It falls under that set-your-expectations-low-and-you’ll-always-be-pleasantly-surprised category.
So what else is there to worry about now? Well, let me tell you, because my worries knows no bounds. Jane was sitting behind some guy with a big head so we all scooted over one seat which left no extra seat for Lena Loo’s not-yet-arrived guest and what if they showed up and asked us to scoot back over so she could sit down, but that would put Jane back behind the guy with the big head and if the lights were off by then we wouldn’t be able to explain that to the late person without pissing people off around us because they’re trying to watch the previews or the movie or whatever and I was totally stressing about that and why was I taking such responsibility for a person I did not know and do they have narcotics for this sort of thing and can I get them in pill form because I don’t like needles very much.
But then it was revealed that the late person wasn’t going to show up at all and I thought, WHY CAN’T I JUST FRICKIN’ RELAX ALREADY??? Or should I merely lay off the lattes?
Here’s what a freak I am about A-Holes in the movie theater: The best part of this whole evening happened BEFORE the movie started when some Miramax Studios guy came out and told everyone to turn off their phones and shut up during the movie and don’t talk TO to the movie and don’t ask their neighbor what’s going on in the movie because chances are, they haven’t seen the movie either, and I LOVED this guy. I could have kissed him for telling everyone to just shut the hell up for once in their lives while they watch a movie. And the most incredible part? Everyone heeded his words. Unbelievable. I got to enjoy the film because people around me weren’t pissing me off. See what I mean about setting low expectations?
And enjoy the movie I did. It wasn’t your typical Hollywood film in that they don’t spell everything out for you. You have to bring a minimum amount of brain, not a lot, but a little, to this movie. They don’t just shove fast cars and big boobs in your face for ninety minutes. It’s a slightly unconventional drama with a moving story and touching humor.
“No cars and boobs? How unAmerican!” you might proclaim. Exactly. For one thing, it was filmed in Australia and the UK. And for another thing, it’s about relationships and parenting and love, fierce and real love.
The Boys are Back, inspired by the same-named Simon Carr memoir, follows a sports writer (Clive Owen), who tries to grapple with single fatherhood after the loss of his wife. It’s brilliantly acted, it’s realistic, and it can be a bit of a tear jerker at times. The older son, Harry (George MacKay), looks like he could be Rupert Grint’s (or Ron Weasley’s, depending on how grounded in reality you are) younger brother. He’s the one on the left below (in case it’s not THAT obvious).
And since it’s not a big car and fast-boobed American film, I’m lucky Sacramento is even showing it on one screen. (Quick–go see it at the Tower Theater before it goes away!) But enough about my views of the lacklusterness in my town; wanna see a trailer?
Click this blog link for The Boys Are Back if the above video isn’t working.
It was a wonderful escape, but the black cloud of doom was waiting for me as we exited the theater to escort us to the parking garage. The walk back was long and dreary. I envisioned the parking booth guy refusing to lift the exit bar gate thingie until I coughed up 45 dollars for the use of his big cement box. I handed over my theater-validated ticket, hoping for a discount, any discount. My kingdom for a discount!
Man, I remember when you could park downtown for free on the weekends. What’s this world coming to? I began rooting around in my purse for all the money it contained when the exit gate lifted and the booth guy called out, “Thank you.”
I peeled out of there before he changed his mind and turned to my passengers with a “Woo hoo!” I’m almost sure they were laughing with me, rather than at me and my roller coaster of emotions that vacillated between despair and joy all night.
***
P.S. Thanks to Melissa over at Women & Hollywood for the opportunity to screen this film.
Got any scary food you want to share and potentially win a prize? I Hate My Message Board is hosting a contest where you send in photos of the scariest food you can find. Also? I’m going to be one of the contest judges. I would say I’m not above bribing, but something tells me that might be the most ethical thing to say.
Also? Vodka Mom is is having a giveaway that includes a $50 Fandango gift card and other paraphernalia from the upcoming movie The Vampire’s Assistant.
