Nanny Goats in Panties Rotating Header Image

How To Create Your Twitter Handle in Two Easy Steps

Jun 29th, 2009
by Margaret.

So this spammer person on Twitter with the very legitimate sounding name of Fulton604 started following me. Like a trenchcoat-wearing dark alley hoodlum who says, “Psst! Hey, buddy” kind of following me. Fulton604 is following 1,299 people, but only has 67 followers. I wonder what that means.

Actually, it makes me want to change my name to Plexus437. It sounds so cool. Like an alien space ship / area code mashup. Or, HEY – I know. This will be a new thing like

How To Create Your Twitter Handle in Two Easy Steps:

1. Take the make or model of your first car.
2. Guess how many Jelly Bellies are in this Elvis portrait:

Put the two together and you’ve got your next Twitter handle! Mine would be Datsun18. No wait! Datsun19.

Fulton604′s last tweet wants to know if I’m an older guy looking for a hot girl to take out and treat me right.

Why, yes. Yes I am. How did you know? Was it my masculine first name that made you think I was male? Was it all my twitter messages about adult diapers and cryogenic head preserving that clued you in to the fact that I’m “older”? And who isn’t looking for a hot girl? You are SO smart. You’re my hero, Fulton604. I wish I was just. like. you.

Then Fulton604 broke my heart. When I checked his Twitter page a couple days later, it was gone. GONE! I panicked. Where was I going to find “easyurl” hot girls now? I hyperventilated as I felt my new twitter buddy slip right out of my hands. I cried. I sobbed. I bawled.

Then I got this email:

 

Whew! I thought I’d lost him. And Velva? Yeah, that doesn’t sound sexual or anything.

Follow Me on Twitter Follow me on Twitter!

 

See also: Need Help With Your Twitter Bio? Actually That Wasn’t a Question.

 

 

 

Goat Thing of The Day

 

(seen at the Surfing Goat Dairy on Maui)
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Posted in: goats, humor, social media.
Tagged: · ·

← →
  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com Tracy

    Why should I waste time thinking of a Twitter handle when I could just steal them from the “internet marketing professionals” that are always trying to register at my forums.
    MalkorWinflex9027 here I come!

  • http://unmitigated.typepad.com Middle Aged Woman

    I would be Corolla26. It sounds like a Mexican beer brand.

  • pphhtttt

    no wait! 19. lol

  • http://redbirdacres.blogspot.com/ Sparky

    Let’s see, I would be renault566748596857486965948474. No WAIT, that’s the National Debt now. My bad.
    I want the goat sign. :o )

  • http://pinkporches.blogspot.com/ Lisa Twombly

    I guess I’m DorkyHondaCivicStationWagon3000.
    I think Velva sounds sexy, in a kind of processed cheese product sort of way.
    Smiles,
    Lisa

  • http://www.beth-kephart.blogspot.com Beth Kephart

    This is just to say: Any of your yours works for me. ;)
    b

  • http://diaryofamadbathroom.blogspot.com/ DG at Diaryofamadbathroom

    I’d be Colt19732
    Hmmmm Sounds like malt liquor stranded in a fancy zipcode.

  • http://www.ergohumor.blogspot.com Scott

    Fulton as opposed to Velva…hmmmmm…
    Love the thing about the ‘Older Guy’. HA!
    I haven’t got a car yet, so THERE! ;)

  • http://www.blondetexancutie.blogspot.com Bobbi

    I started a Twitter page for my interspecies, homosexual dog and cat as a joke and a bunch of crazy porn people started to follow them! (Twitter.com/BuckandPatches!)
    I finally had to block them, the animals were “cleaning themselves” more often than necessary. Those people are a bad, bad influence.

  • http://eminpursuit.blogspot.com/ Em

    Horizon1372
    Hm, I never thought anything cool would come from that vehicle.
    I stand corrected.
    Velva?

  • http://www.fracturedtoy.blogspot.com mannequin

    Velva? That’s smut talk dearie, smut talk.
    Twitter me this, Twitter me that!
    It is late and I am tired. I will curtsy and exit.

  • http://www.asleepundermydesk.blogspot.com The Office Scribe

    I would be Lincoln “Big Blue Boat” 666
    And I welcome the spammers. How else am I supposed to get more followers than Ashton Kutcher?
    Yeah, go ahead, follow me. I dare you.

  • Anonymous

    Probably in another life, she was a he and a fish, and his name was Aqua Velva. Heh,heh. I know, LMFAO,right? Don’t tell me if you’re not.
    UglyDarkGreenDatsun4gabillion.

  • http://fragrantliar.blogspot.com Fragrant Liar

    I don’t know why your comment master of the universe threw out my name. I like my name. I don’t like Anonymous. It makes me feel cheap. Thanks a lot comment master of the universe. I’m telling Margaret.
    Love,
    UglyDarkGreenDatsun4gabillioon.

  • http://www.pricillaspeaks.blogspot.com Pricilla

    I must have that sign….I feel it would be most fitting on my Farm.
    I don’t drive and I am not a twit, well most of the time.

  • http://www.peopleinthesun.com/ People in the Sun

    I’ve always wondered what happened to Velva Daugherty. In high school, she always used to take pictures and go out with old men.

  • http://theredheadriter.blogspot.com The Redhead Riter

    Visiting from SITS.
    I love your goats! The grandchildren call my mother “Nanny” and we joke her sometimes and call her Nanny Goat. She hates it! After seeing your blog, I want to call her and tell her now…better now though because it is 2 a.m. LOL

  • http://www.readingupsidedown.com Susan @ Reading Upside Doqn

    Love this post. I was already following you on Twitter, but am now sad that I don’t have a more catchy Twitter handle to stalk you with (currently thinkthinkers – may have to adjust this to torana864)

  • http://callithumpthunder.blogspot.com nanodance

    Thank you for the twitter handle advice.
    Sincerely,
    mymom’s1970chevynova14.7

  • http://www.dennisthevizsla.com dennisthevizsla

    Twitter seems to be the new hotbed of spam, that’s for sure. Or, no, wait, MSN’s Messenger service is the new hotbed of spam. Oh and so are cell phone text messages! Accursed spammers!

  • http://coffeejitters.net/blog CoffeeJitters

    can i just say that elvis jelly bean portrait rocks

  • http://gladysspeaks.blogspot.com/ Gladys

    Hey I got that one too. So does that mean they are trying to hook us up? You know you are pretty hot…

  • http://www.nooterthedog.com Nooter

    mmmm… jelly belly elvis…

  • http://www.theamericanhomemaker.blogspot.com the american homemaker

    I’m so glad I can hop over to your page for a little cheering up :)

  • http://wherehotcomestodie.blogspot.com Suzy

    Yet another reason I won’t Twitter. After you figure out the names, you discover they have nothing to say. Neither do I but that’s a whole other story.

  • Bella

    Well, I got invited to Twitter by a Blogstream friend, but I was not that impressed by anything over there, not even Velva!

  • Bella

    Besides, your site is much more fun! :)
    I hafta tell ya, Velva brings to mind Aqua Velva, and that brings to mind a person whose breath actually smelled Aqua Blue Velva Fresh, NOT!
    Yep, they drank that stuff for the alcohol content. I wonder if they got a buzz off that stuff! ha!

  • http://www.mommyalwayswins.com Colleen – Mommy Always Wins

    I’d be Horizon8967.
    Now…if only someone would create ANOTHER Facebook quiz to tell me what % girly my real Twitter handle is.

  • http://www.cabbagesnkings.net Jenn Thorson

    I don’t know… “Velva”– could be a NEW naming convention– take the last part of an aftershave brand name as your first name.
    So in addition to my new screenname– Saturn565– I could also be:
    Karate
    Axe
    Spice
    Water
    See this could totally work out!

  • http://www.trialsofmegaman.com/ Megaman the madman

    I guess I would be .. broken down piece of shit..uh let me get my shoes of so ..I can count the beans..One two…three.. wait minus one..That was good I love the red ones..

  • http://bernthis.com Jessica

    I dont’ think i have the time to come up with a name like that

  • ozma

    Hey…I want to follow you on Twitter. What’s your Twitter name? Or look for ozma (not my full twitter name)…I’m the green one.

  • http://mynew30.blogspot.com Mary

    You’re in good company because I think both of them were following me too.

  • http://schmoochiepoo.blogspot.com/ Schmoochiepoo

    LOL! This is why I don’t Twitter!

  • http://www.franticmommy@blogspot.com franticmommy

    Hmmm..let’s see. So I’d either be Escort610 (Ford Escort) which is no good. Someone might think I am a ladye of the night and ask what kind of panties I’m wearing. OR is could be Rav4-609…(Toyita Rav4)do they allow dashes? there’s one less Jelly Belly now cuz I ate it. Love your blog name btw! :)

  • http://wolfylover.blogspot.com wolf

    i stopped by after seeing the name of your blog at SITS. love it! we have a few of our own nanny goats here and seeing this picture made me laugh!

  • peggy

    Nanny;
    I found your post at Joanna place. You are hilarious. I just joined Twitter yesterday and automaticllly I had this strange follower. Not knowing quite what to do with him yesterday, I do today. Thank you!
    To answer your question…I would be vega 2002 or maybe impala 5010.

  • http://thegoodgirlgoneblog.com Alana @ The Good Girl Gone Blo

    Hahahahah love it!

  • http://www.aduckinherpond.com Blond Duck

    Love the goat picture!

  • http://www.valeriegail.blogspot.com Valerie

    I would be impala64. lol I don’t really get a chance to be on Twitter a lot. I do check in on it almost every day though. lol
    Loved your post!

  • http://thefiftyfactor.com Joanna J

    Just when I thought it was safe to start a Twitter account….. I’m going to have to rethink it.
    Great post!!! xo

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleah rebeccah

    following you on twitter as of NOW
    and my fake handle would be:
    ElantraThatHasNoPowerToMergeWithOtherCars124

  • http://franscrapbook.blogspot.com Fran

    Hello Margaret :o )
    Thank you for the comment on my post “Happy Canada Day”!
    Well that Fulton604 was… pffffffffffff…
    And I like the “flamingo/drumstick” guy! Oh he is smiling at me!
    Have a great day!
    Fran :o )

  • http://www.magicksandwich.org kathcom

    Somebody had better get Elvis out of the sun or he’ll just be one big drippy jelly bean.
    I once owned a 1975 Toyota Corolla for six days. Bought it for $60 bucks. So I think I should be Corolla660.
    I have a barely reined in compulsion to buy every cool domain name I can think of that hasn’t already been purchased. Reined in by my lack of funds, that is.

  • http://www.olivehuedesigns.blogspot.com tera

    Ha! I would be Dodge7423. Or Dart7423. That sounds better. ;)
    I hate the spammer/stalkers. I don’t Twitter (Tweet?) but I started a BlogCatalogue thingy (I’m so tech it’s scary) and I keep getting friend requests from people who want me to buy ads on their websites. Sheesh. Buy me a drink first!

  • http://popeterry666.blogspot.com Alex L.

    Hahahaha… who honestly falls for those spambot things…
    Now I have to go… and check… something… out on… twitter…

  • http://www.cheripryor.blogspot.com Cheri Pryor

    Velva…reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when he was trying to remember the girl’s name that “sounded like a body part”. lol!
    And do you really think there are only 18 or 19 jelly bellys in that portrait? Because I’m thinking my twitter name would be Firebird4736.