For some strange reason, I always think that the B-Holes of society grow out of life’s phases right along with me. I’m repeatedly surprised to hear that children still bully each other, as if I thought the notion were reserved for the 1970s. Shouldn’t bullying be considered cliche by now?
I mean, where are juvenile delinquents’ sense of fashion and pop culture when it comes to bad behavior, I ask you. And it’s not just bullying. Why just last week, I was having this one-sided conversation with my husband, Grimfeld (he won’t let me print what he said):
Me: You mean people are still killing each other? But that’s soooo ten years ago.
Me: Gangs? They still have gangs? Are you kidding me? I thought we took care of all that with No Child Left Behind, and every kid gets a trophy for every little thing, and T-Ball and haven’t people grown up?
Me: Well, those are just people on the news. I don’t associate myself with those kinds of people. My circle of people are past that kid’s stuff.
Me: What? Aunt Wilma and Uncle Piebald are still fighting? What on earth after all these years could they be possibly fighting about? Aren’t they in their fifties? And Uncle Chester is still living with his mother? Isn’t he sixty-something? And divorced four times?
Me: Well I don’t live with those people, so that doesn’t really count. It’s not like I had anything to do with raising them or anything.
Me: What? Francine smokes pot? Our Francine? Our little Francine? Do they still even make pot? I thought that was something people did a long time ago. I thought humanity in general was over that by now.
Me: Well, at least it’s not me. At least I’ve grown-up. I have responsibilities. You don’t see me living with my parents. Or acting like an idiot, shoplifting or what-have-you.
Me: What? That’s not shoplifting. The grocery store writes that stuff off anyway. If they don’t want anybody eating it, they should just package it instead of selling it as bulk. It’s not like they have signs around saying, “Please do not eat the malted milk balls”, do they?
Me: What? It is not illegal if I open it. If they are going to put it in my mailbox, it’s mine to open. I can say I wasn’t paying attention, I thought it was for me. So what if it’s their bank statements, I can tell them I never actually LOOKED at them.
Me: I am NOT a liar! You’re the liar.
Me: I know you are but what am I?
See what I mean? Even Grimfeld got all childish on me! When will people just grow up already? Sheesh!
(P.S. Yes, people this is fiction. Who has a husband named Grimfeld?)
At press time, Wink’s lawyers are negotiating with the hostage takers shelter’s lawyers for Wink’s release. Wink’s owner appreciates all of your support during this difficult time. Let’s hope Wink comes home soon.
