What a travesty that some school in Florida can’t even afford toilet paper. I mean, how much can that cheap-ass bark-flecked flexible cardboard scrap cost? They can bail out greedy corporate bastards, but they can’t let a kid wipe it after a pee?
When I was a child, students who lived far enough away rode in yellow army tank-like vehicles called SCHOOL BUSES (after they did their morning chores feeding the dinosaurs). They were provided by the school district and they were FREE. Children piled onto the bus, fighting over seats, often ripping a shirt or two. Girls walked down the gauntlet between the seats while boys lifted up their dresses and pulled the pig tails of those who sat in front of them.
In high school, I took the bus to school and every day, we’d yell in unison “Turn! Turn! Turn!” to the bus driver because we wanted her to take the short cut home instead of the school mandated route. One day, after we’d boarded the bus after school, the vice-principal came on board and lectured all of us and threatened us with severe punishment, like, one hour in the stockyards.
But these days, kids don’t enjoy this fringe benefit. Because the schools can’t AFFORD it.
When I was in junior high, we had this class called P.E. It’s where children ran around outside. It’s also where this bully kept accusing me of staring at her. “What are YOU looking at?” she’d hiss at me. Actually, P.E. was good for me because I sure ran a lot.
When I was in elementary school, they had just invented these things called sidewalks. And we used them to WALK to school. Eleven blocks for me. Each way! Teachers would pin permission slips or other notices to our clothing so we could wander home looking like morons who couldn’t be trusted to deliver the information to our parents.
But by walking to school, children got EXERCISE. For FREE! No expensive uniforms or equipment required. No league fees to pay. No fundraising for parents to bother their coworkers with.
If you don’t walk to school, how can the school boy you’re crushing on walk you home? How can you sneak cigarettes from your negatively influentual friends? And there’s no chance of peeing your pants if you don’t have a nice long peepee-dancing walk ahead of you. (Oops, did I just confess that out loud?)
Parents: don’t you see that by driving your kids to school, you are depriving them of these sacred experiences?
And another thing: we never studied for federally mandated exams. We just learned stuff. And we were never left behind.
Without the unnecessary task of meeting administrative standards we had time for things like art (where kids could eat paste), and music (my flute teacher was an alcoholic), and nap time (my teacher, Mr. Stanley, poked me in the chest one day for talking to my neighbor instead of lying quietly on my towel).
So yeah, why can’t the school districts afford THAT anymore?
Call me conservative. Call me traditional. But I believe the day we make our kids bring their own toilet paper to school is the day we’ve lost our priorities in public spending. Of course, I suppose if they have to pee their pants on the way to school, they’ve got protection.
Abigail from Piece of Cake is walking for MS. She can tell you why she’s walking HERE.
If you’ve got an extra few bucks (no amount is too small), please consider a tax-deductible donation to help her reach her goal of $2500. Her direct MS donation page is HERE.
