Yesterday I had lunch with awesome funny gal, Suzy Soro, author of Hollywood: Where Hot Comes to Die. What does that even mean? Does it refer to all the delusional people who comes to Hollywood for fame and fortune, only to end up on the corner of Loser Street and Crack Boulevard, peddling what’s left of their good looks in torn fish net stockings, or standing on street islands advertising a lack of residence, or worse, selling Star Maps?
We met for lunch at Buddha’s Belly in West Hollywood, whose food I would love to brag about, but as soon as you found out I was an investor, you’d go: “Oh, yeah, I’ll be going there REAL soon”, so ask Suzy, she’ll tell it like it is, man.
Suzy, whom you must never call ‘Sue’ while shaking her hand, lest ye pull back a bloody stump, was trading wit barbs with our waiter, Matt. Did I mention Suzy is a stand-up comedian?
Here’s a picture of our illustrious server:
You can also follow him on Twitter. Best to do it now, too, because when he becomes a famous movie star, good luck getting him to follow you in return then. This would also be your opportunity to ask him about his orange hat. That’s Matt Kawczynski. Rhymes with Ted Kaczynski. (Not sure if he changed the spelling to avoid the association.) The same goes for me, by the way. (The Twitter follow, not the unabomber uncle relation).
So anyway, I’m driving back to my place in L.A. and while waiting for a light to turn green, this guy walks past my car with a sign advertising his lack of residence.
I don’t know about you, but it really bothers me when a dude walks with cars. It seems so pushy and I don’t respond well to pushy. I lose my compassion and want to yell things like, “Hey, if you can stand all day in the middle of traffic, you can stand all day in front of a grill, pal!”
Maybe the pay is better on Beverly Blvd, but if he came to L.A. to live out his dream and failed, and he wants to work on the street holding a sign, he can do something more respectable like, I don’t know, sell STAR MAPS.
Hey, did y’all hear about the magic goat that was arrested for armed robbery? He is accused of stealing a car.
How silly is that? Everyone knows goats only steal tractors.