Dear Charities,
No.
No, No, and No!
I have not won the lottery, so please quit acting like it.
You may not have all (or a part of) my unemployment check.
If I send you a substantial check once a year, at the same time every year, and you even have me listed as a “Broadcast Circle Member”, I will not be sending you additional checks every two months during the rest of the year, so save a tree already!
If I gave you money because my friend rode a bicycle, or ran a long distance for your organization, that does not mean I want to be a lifetime donator to you people. I was just supporting my friend for a cause. If you want more money, go ask her for it. Leave me alone.
If my friend’s mother died and in lieu of flowers, I donated money to you, do not continue to mail me solicitations for more money. You are only pissing me off and giving yourselves a bad name so that every time I see your name, I will seethe in anger, rather than fondly remember a dead loved one, so thanks a lot for that.
Sending me return address labels as a “gift” for my anticipated donation will only result in one less item that I throw in the trash. I hate you people more than anyone else, because now, I will either feel guilty for keeping something without donating, or I will feel guilty for throwing a perfectly usable product in the trash. I mean, if you’re going to go to the trouble of making them, I will have the audacity to use them. And I will feel guilty about it. One hundred and twenty times. Also? I will have the nerve to be angry about any name misspellings.
I already have my favorite causes and most of you are not one of them.
I have a good mind to call you and tell you that you can’t afford to waste money sending me mail. It makes for fewer resources actually HELPING people. But then I’m afraid to call you and tell you that, because I’ll feel guilty because I will be essentially saying, “I never ever EVER intend to give to your organization!” Followed by an outright slam of the door in your virtual face.
My kingdom for an easy, convenient, guilt-free (i.e., magical) way to say no!
So, which box on the Form of Life do I check to opt out of this relentless barrage of mailbox garbage?
GAHHH!!!
Your sincerely,
Nanny Goats
Goat Thing of The Day
No Maui vacation is complete without a visit to the Surfing Goat Dairy!
Awwwwww, 4-day-old goat kidlets!
Buy a bag of hay for a dollar and let the kids feed the kids!
You can get a guided tour of the farm, and if you hit it at the right time of the day, you can help herd the goats in for milking.
You can taste (and buy) their goat cheese (which appear on various restaurant menus throughout the island). They also sell goat milk soap and T-shirts. If for some strange reason you won’t be going to Maui anytime soon, you can always order their cheese online.
This is Hanzie (rhymes with Fonzie). He’s usually the Big Daddy, if you know what I mean.
Poor Hanzie has arthritis and was unable to be the Big Daddy this year. Maybe next year, Hanzie.
OK, just one more goat photo and I’ll let you go.
Did I ever tell you I was raised on a goat farm? In Melbourne, Australia. My parents even owned a mohair shop. I’ll have to dig up some old photos to show you. My pet goat was Susie. She’d walk down our driveway to meet me at the gate after I got off the school bus.
Yes!
I kept getting letters from the AARP. I finally had to call them and bitch them out. “I’m not sending you money. I’m not becoming a member. I’m only 30 years old, asshole.” Bastards…
Stumbled.
Just tell them you are reviving the Jim Jones movement and heading down to Guayana soon and would love to have their full endorsement. That should do it…
I’d like to second what you said regarding the charity mailers! What a waste of paper and sticky-back glue!
– – – – – – –
Those goats are just the cutest little things EVER!! I want one!
I TOTALLY agree with you! I get tons of the same stuff and it drives me batty. I guess they don’t care that they are giving themselves a bad name to some because they get enough money from the rest? Who knows – just crazy!
My father likes to take those letters and cut them into confetti, then he puts them back in those paid envelopes they sent and returns them. I don’t know if that is hysterical or just really passive agressive against junk mail. Not that charities are junk or anything. Anyway, nice blog you got here. Seriously.
I agree with you on this one. I will donate … but let me choose when. I’ll remember you … I swear. And like you said, sometimes you do it for a specific reason (to honor someone) and then they spend twice the amount you donated chasing you to give more. And those mailing labels … used to feel guilty … not anymore.
Oh, you are so on target. I donate a bag of dog food to an animal shelter every month. At Christmas, another check. I can’t tell you how many times during the year an “urgent” request comes in the mail along with something like a puppy or kitten all occasion greeting card to send to my friends.
Enough already.
If I give, I want it to be because I WANT to give. ‘Give with a willing heart’ I refuse to be pushed into giving out of guilt! I use the stickers, I use the pens, and everything else gets recycled with the rest of the junk mail. I hate door knockers asking for money, I hate phone calls asking for money and I hate junk mail asking for money!
The latest thing that came in the post from one of these was a bracelet! What will they try next?
Oh God, I’ve gotten those requests with the labels. Thankfully now, the decision to toss them is easy as the labels have my married name listed on them and trust me, I never want to be known as that person again.
I agree whole-heartedly.
Mail like that just gets my goat!!!
You sooooooooooo took the words out of my mouth! Thank you for making me realize I’m not the only one who gets alternately annoyed and feels guilty for doing so. The only difference between you and me? I actually use those return address stickers and don’t feel guilty for not contributing. Of course, I wish they weren’t so cloyingly ugh-lee. Love your blog!
Oh I could not have said it better. It just gets so annoying and I’m not unemployed, but we are retired and those investment keep going down, down, down so it’s not easy street living. If you figure out how to get them to stop mailing things and calling let me know!! And I love the goat farm pic’s too!!
Sometimes I like to redirect the charities at donating to one of my favorite charities, FreePhil. He will take donations or money or food but without prejudice. Bring it on! You should make a goat charity to counter.
I got two phone calls today, and I’m on the Do Not Call list. What gives? If I say no enough times, will they ever go away?
I will send you a magnet for your refrigerator and you will give me your money. I will be relentless, you will pay me to go away.
All right, ALL RIGHT!
If I can’t get you with my super-swank return-address labels, might I entice you with a window decal or shiny, shrink-wrapped nickel?
One way or another, I’m gettin’ in that purse, lady.
~ A.
Amen Sister!! I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even feel guilty saying NO. I’m so tired of being inundated with the “gimme gimme gimme” Heck you can’t even pull up to a fast food drive up window now without being asked if you’d “like to donate” NO DAMMIT I WANT MY FRIES AND COKE DONATED TO ME!!! Grrrr….and I always use the labels…I’m not letting them go to waste. I totally agree…stop wasting money sending that crap and use the money to actually help the CHARITY! I’m to the point I give to the animal charities…because the animals don’t beg!
*copy, paste, send* *copy, paste send* *copy, paste, send*
(Though I did take the artistic liberty to change “sincerely” to “tenderly.” Hope you don’t mind!)
rather see YOU than the goats…but ok, they’re pretty darn cute.
Amen, sister!
I’m right there with you sister!
A couple of years ago I contributed to a local animal rescue. I like to spread my charitable contributions around so I chose 3 that year and sent them out. The next year not only did the local animal rescue send me request for more money but so did 999,999,999 others. I had animal rescue organizations in Mozambic requesting aide for the 3 toed sloth. Um, Sorrry, I was just trying to help out a couple of local puppies and kitties have food for a week or two. Don’t even get me started on feeding starving kids.
I never open the damn things, they go right in the trash!
I was coming out of my favorite market one day (The Nuggett) and two RADICAL 20-somethings practically chased me to my car asking for a donation. I threw 10 bucks at them and jumped in my car..and locked it.
I swear, those damned people called me thanking me for my support and would I give $100.00 bucks this year? Was the parking lot under surveillance by those assholes? Did they take down my license plate?
I feel your pain.
I love those goats.
I feel the same way. I have charities I like to give to and I don’t like being solicited for others. But what really drives me bonkers is to receive mail for my father-in-law who hadn’t lived in the house for 23 years before he died. That makes me so mad!
Loved the baby goats!
You had me at “no”.
P.S. Glad you had a chance to visit with the relatives.
The sight of you clutching that baby goat to your bosom–well, it made my day!
I’m with you NG. The mail they’ve sent me must cost more to produce than the amount of money I’ve ever sent to any one institution.
Thank you, Debby, for the link – I’m working on getting my name off of the many lists!
Picture me waving my arms in the air like a Gospel singer and yelling “Amen” at the top of my lungs. I wish they’d just take all the money they pour into sending out thousands upon thousands of unwanted solicitations and free gifts and just give it to the cause. Charities, I do not want your free labels / notecards / bookmarks / crappy keychains! Just give that money directly to the whales / trees / orphans / crippled weasels already!
Fortunately the charities I’ve donated to have been quite good about not nagging extensively.
It’s the Fraternal Order of Police in our area who tends to… guilt? Vaguely imply that if I don’t donate my house might not be safe?
Something like that.
The goatlets, by the way, are adorable.
Seriously. I can’t stand this kind of mail. But I will tell you that a lot of times, charities don’t pay for their mailings – printers will give big discounts or even print this stuff and mail it for them for free as part of their “donation” (aka. tax credit).
Don’t ask me how I know that…
Keep the lables and don’t worry about it. There are plenty of people giving to all these charities….like my 70 year old mother on a fixed income (sucker) and most of the city employees where I work. They pressure us every year to sign up for an automatic bi-weekly donation that comes directly out of our paycheks. I imagine city employees all over the country do this so I am sure these charities are getting plenty.
Oh, please stop making me laugh after neck surgery! :o) Surfing Goats?? The images one conjures with that …
I also donate as someone above said: to the Salvation Army. They don’t solicit (except ‘Santa’s’ at Christmas) and they help everyone that needs it. Good folks.
Hope you’re having fun in Hawai’i. ⥠â
I don’t get calls for charity. Actually I don’t know that because I don’t usually answer my phone. I love caller ID! I’m not on their lists because I am sure they know I am broke. When I have accidentally answered one of their calls I ask them to set up a charity for me, they don’t know what to say so that usually ends it. I do get people showing up at my door frequently asking if I want to be saved, happened this very morning. I think it might say something that no one is willing to give me money but all sorts of people want to save my soul.
I hate those guys who stand on street corners with clipboards trying to get you to sign up for their charity.
“Hi madam, do you have time help to stop oppression in the Third World?”
“Oh yes, I have lots of time for that!” I shout, and continue walking.
There is never an easy way to say no. But you gotta do what you can , and not do what you can’t. This kind of guilt doesn’t last but a moment.
Your letter is right on the money! Not that you should send money or should you. what if you keep those labels….what if they’re mispelled – should you send them back for reprinting and then not send money anyway? Unsolicited guilt, that’s what it is.
First off. Love the pictures of the kidlets! So cute! Who doesn’t love a cute kid, right?
Second. You know what’s more annoying than the phone calls or mailers from charities? Those weekends when they have people lined up at the stoplights and four way stops with their coin jars out. Or how about AmVets? I wanted to get rid of some clothes and toys and furniture and now they call every month for donations?! Do they think I’m slowly progressing myself towards nudist status? I am not goign to join a nudist colony so stop asking me to give you all my clothes! I don’t have any more to give you!
Whew! sorry bout that! I feel much better now. 🙂 thanks!
Hmmmm, surfing goats. Perhaps I will plan a vacation and give this a go. I think I would look stunning in a bikini.
I personally like to eat those mailing labels but my publicist tries to keep my diet to more beneficial fibers….
So are saying I should recycle this donation card I have ready to mail to you??? 😉
Love them Goats!
they don’t make me feel guilty at all! i say no thank you and hang up to the phone calls. i use the labels because i think they are for already giving. and if pressed my answer is i have a set amount and have already met it this year.
i don’t like to give to them. i like to give where i can see the results. like sending a soldier home for christmas so his mama can see him or buying groceries for someone that is having a rough time or stuff like that. and i tell them always to pay it forward someday when they can.
smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Those phonecallers all go to the same guilt-trip school. They have no shame.
So cute 🙂 And wait…Panties? is that YOU???? :)))
Yes, I suppose it’s like anything else, if they don’t barrage they world with requests they fail to sustain or grow, they lose ground to the ones thar do mail constantly. The squeaky wheel gets the grease!
It’s like sales, and the reason I can sell but will never be some powerhouse business person, the whole ball of wax aits like a lump in my belly. I tire of the constant push for better sometimes. At my apartments me and one other leasing agent have taken occupancy from 78% to 92% and the company sepnds more time wondering if it will slip or can it go to 96% rather than even recognizing the HUGE increase.
I love your template, very nice, very cool. The header, the ads, the design, even the comments, very nicely done.
Alan
By the way, charities aside, I have won the Irish lottery over a hundred times this year, widows of deceased African business men seek me out for advice constantly and a Mrs. Susan Williams is determined to share her multi-million dollar fortune with me!
Alan
You can actually have your name removed from these lists by sending a post card to:
Direct Marketing Association
Mail Preference Service
P.O. Box 282
Carmel, NY 10512
Just tell them you want your name removed from mailing lists. Save lots of trees Nanny!
Website for those who want more info?
http://www.ecocycle.org/junkmail/index.cfm
You so speak for me! I chose 3 charities that I give to both monetarily and with my time. I volunteer locally and give a check to their annual campaigns. When friends ask for money for bike rides and such, I donate but ask them not to write my name on anything for just that reason. If I get labels, I use them with no guilt. Kind of like when you get a free sample in the mail, do you always run out and buy the product? No, but you use the free sample, right? I have even started sending back the donation slip with no money and writing “Do not SOLICIT” on it. It is starting to work.
Charities and the blood bank. Damn vampires. Every 2 months they are calling me. How bout the charities give back. To US. The ones who need it now because we gave so much before and now thanks to the crappy economy WE are broke. Daisymom.. I hope you build a soapbox big enough for all of us
Honey, I have just built you a bigger soapbox because I think I am in love with you. You took the words right out of my keyboard.
I think charities are, by and large, a good thing; but I totally understand where you are coming from with respect to the incessant phone calls and the constant barrage of mail. My solution is to pick one charity I like (mine happens to be the Salvation Army, because they really do help people who are desperate and in trouble and they give them very practical things, like food and shelter) Then, when people call, I just tell them I have a charity budget, and it’s not an option for me to adjust it at this time. It’s okay to say no. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person.