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Laid-Off Lady Liberty Considers New Line of Work

I have this friend who works in the New York Harbor. Well, she used to work in the New York Harbor. But last week, like so many of us in the last year, she got a pink slip from the boss. And when the Statue of Liberty loses her job, this country MUST be having money problems.

They’ll bail out the banks and the auto companies, but do you think they could find it in their patriotic hearts to throw a few bones to Penelope? After all she’s done for this country? Not to mention that she never once called in sick. You’d think that would stand for something!

Poor Penelope doesn’t qualify for unemployment either (not the right blood type – whatever!), so she has to hunt for a new job right away. I mean, she’s a single mom with 350 million mouths to feed: her tired, poor and huddled masses.

Last month, when she was caught by TMZ.com paparazzi while standing in a bread line, her towering image was splashed all over the nation’s headlines. She hung her head in shame and stayed home all day, watching soap operas and nearly starving to death.

“C’mon, Penny”, I wrote on her Facebook wall, “You need the California sunshine to pull you out of your funk. I bet you’ll get scooped up in no time out here. If nothing else, you’re hot, you have big boobs and you’re an SILF, and that counts for a lot in this state.”

“What’s an SILF?” she asked.

Sometimes I think Penny has little acronym-challenged people wandering around inside her head with cameras and maps, constantly pointing at the pretty boats floating by.

“Well, let me just say that ‘S’ stands for ‘statue’ and the rest you’ll have to look up on Wikipedia because I‘ve sworn off swearing.”

So she came out to the Golden State with the clothes on her back and $3.27 to her name. I’m letting her stay with me while she pounds the pavement in search of a job:

liberty woman

After picking her up off the street one day, she seemed dejected. I told her what she needed was a schtick. Something that showed the commuters she wasn’t panhandling, but that she was interested in gainful employment.

She’d had accounting experience in the past, so she ran out and got a sex change (changing her name to Penal Opie) and made a sign:

liberty man

Unfortunately, that didn’t work either. I asked her about why she felt the sex change was going to help and we got into a chaotic conversation that ended with me screaming: “I said ‘schtick’. SCHTICK!”

Thinking that perhaps northern California wasn’t right for her. I suggested she hit Hollywood and see if she could get some bit parts in movies. They’re always looking for New York characters. She does a great “Fuhggedaboudit!” Plus with the sex change thing, she would find amicable company in West Hollywood.

So the next time you’re sitting in a darkened theatre and a shot of a green copper man donning a toga and spiked hat and holding a torch appears on the screen, you’ll know that Penal Opie has once again achieved the occasionally elusive American Dream.

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44 Comments

  1. Blake says:

    Well, I’m sure there’s people on this blog from a variety of places…but here in central new jersey, we managed to hire an illegal immigrant for the job of Penelope. The irony truly is too much for me to bear!

  2. Her friend Uncle Sam and his pet Bald Eagle seem to be having the same issue and appear regularly in our town street LOL!

  3. Jennifer says:

    where was I that I missed this last week? Wow! I must have really been out of it. I think I’ve seen your friend’s kids..do they dress like their mom/dad? It’s too bad she got the sex change? She had so much going for her as a SILF.

  4. Anna Lefler says:

    What is the world coming to?!?
    BTW, If Penal gets lonely, I think I have a hook-up for her.
    I’ve seen him around, at the end of the block near a big, new apartment building that’s now open for rent.
    From the way he tosses that giant red arrow sign around, he’s good with his hands…

  5. Blicky Kitty says:

    Well I heard a rumor that she was born in France so can she really be trusted? Does she really love freedom?

  6. Renee Khan says:

    How mean am I? I just enjoyed reading about someone else’s misfortune.
    xoox
    Renee

  7. mannequin says:

    She came to my town.
    Once there was a hotdog in a bun running down the street here. That was much more exciting than politico mumbo jumbo. Besides, the hot dog gave out free stuff and Liberty raped, pillaged and burned our homes.
    Give me Liberty or give me Hotdogs.

  8. Great. Funny. Poignant. Stumbled.

  9. merlotmom says:

    It’s confirmed. Your mind works in mysterious ways. S-T-R-A-N-G-E.

  10. Jennifer H says:

    Taking in the huddled masses will take a toll on the looks, I tell ya.

  11. I remember when I worked for a newspaper near Philadelphia, the Liberty Tax Service always wanted me to come to take their picture out on the street corner because it was a tax season. Free advertising.

  12. Jen W says:

    That is HILARIOUS!! Thanks for the laugh.

  13. Steph says:

    Aha! So you’re the one responsible for putting Lady Liberty out on a street corner!
    I wonder… was she able to chase the Mr. Pickles dancing guy off by brandishing her pointy hat?

  14. Nooter says:

    SILF? you would have the cutest little offspring..
    http://www.freewebs.com/jandlgoats2/108_0404_1.jpg

  15. Nikkicrumpet says:

    This would be even more funny…if it weren’t so close to the truth. I live in fear of who’s next.

  16. LOBO says:

    God that’s hilarious. We got ’em on SoCal too. The other day I saw one on the onramp to a highway -advertizing to traffic going the wrong way.
    [*sigh*]

  17. Cynthia says:

    If she wants to lift her lamp by the golden door she should team up with the boarder patrol and shine her light on the illegals. I hear they’re ramping up.

  18. Georgie says:

    I think she errr him made their way to oklahoma cuz i swear i just saw she errr him on the corner by my house

  19. Alison Veres says:

    The New Colossus
    –Emma Lazarus, 1883
    Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
    With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
    Here at our sea-washed,sunset gates shall stand
    A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame is the imprisoned lightening, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand glows world wide welcome; her mild eyes command the air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
    “Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she with silent lips.
    “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door.
    I always really loved that poem.

  20. jane! says:

    Man, she ain’t looking good. At all.
    Kind of says it all about the state of the state, eh?

  21. hello ngip its dennis the vizsla dog hay hmmm i think yore frend must hav gotten hold of my sister trouble the kittys cloning masheen becuz i hav seen a number of peepul wot luk just like him or her or wotever on varyus neerby streetcorners persunaly i think he or she is just dilooting his or her job prospekts by cloning him or herself but i gess he or she thinks that is the way to go i hope it wurks owt for him or her ok bye

  22. debbie says:

    Bless her heart. It is so hard to start over at her age.

  23. Alex L. says:

    Why does that man wearing the giant condom have a ninja star aorund his head… oh its… thats the worst costume I’ve ever seen.

  24. You swore off swearing?

  25. Don’t think I didn’t run off and google ILF and Damn you, woman! I still don’t know what the heck you’re talking about.
    ILF Independent Living Fund (UK)
    ILF Indiana Library Federation
    ILF International Lacrosse Federation (Victoria, Australia)
    ILF Internal Logical Files (Fuction Point Analysis)
    ILF International Lifeboat Federation
    ILF International Law Firms
    ILF International LEARNTEC Forum (European learning and information technologies conference)
    ILF Ilford, Manitoba, Canada (Airport Code)
    ILF Initial Licence Fee
    ILF International Limb Fitting (archery)
    ILF Infra Low Frequency (300 – 3,000 Hertz)
    ILF Infralow Frequency
    ILF Interactive Learning Forum
    ILF InLife Financial News
    ILF Inside Left Forward (soccer)
    ILF Indirect Labor Factor
    ILF Investigator Local Facility
    So…….come on…..tell me….Which one is it?

  26. Hooray for Penal Opie. I just like saying that name. Can we get some disinfectant, i feel dirty just by saying that.

  27. Betts says:

    She’s like Niagra Falls… much smaller than I expected in real life.

  28. Tranquility says:

    I nearly rolled off the bed with laughter (and would have taken my lap top with me)!
    I’ve been wondering about the reason for seeing Mr. Liberty all over the place lately – I just thought it was a weird tax season gimmick, but… well ok, it all makes sense now!

  29. marvelgoose says:

    I don’t think that Penny will ever make it on the big screen. She gives up too easily — it’s her French heritage.

  30. Jenners says:

    As always…terribly amusing. And I’ve seen that “Lady Liberty” near us … but in this case, it was “350-pound, bearded Lady Liberty” — yeah, just who I want to hand over my taxes to.

  31. That was hilarious! I’m an accountant and would never trust green people to do any accounting work anyway. LOL ♥ ∞

  32. Blognut says:

    Those people crack me up. Did you ever notice that they look unhappy? I wonder what they get paid for that humiliation.

  33. Saundra says:

    Oh. My. Gosh… I have wanting to blog about those people on the side of the road for a year… now I ‘m going to… where’s my camera..

  34. Julia says:

    OMG you won’t believe this but TWO of these ladies are on one of our towns street corners. Hard times are these. I am not kidding they have the IDENTICAL outfits.

  35. debby says:

    Good grief. I thought Liberty had decamped quite some time ago. I was shocked to learn that she just got her pink slip last week.

  36. HeatherPride says:

    Penny looks kind of mean in that last photo. I dunno, with an attitude like that she’s probably not going to get many offers – SILF or not…

  37. Vic says:

    Poor Penal Opie! Not very bright, apparently, but so sweet, really. Maybe I could hire her/him to do my taxes?

  38. orion says:

    dude!! i seen her here today! when i pulled through the Mcky-D’s with my sandwich she was at the corner.
    She made me feel very uneasy. so i locked the doors and rolled up the windows… i even thought about buckling in my big mac, but then the light turned green and i was outta there.

  39. lisa says:

    You just keep getting better! 🙂

  40. RedRaider says:

    There’s a guy here costumed the same and holding that Liberty Tax Service sign as well. Last week he helped nab two bank robbers. He showed the cops where their car was and they were busted within minutes.

  41. If she’d just take a cue from my personal SILF (that would be David) she would drop her sheet and show a little skin. Cast that green rack to the wind and show us the real meaning of liberty.

  42. swirl girl says:

    Great post. Nowadays…Lady Liberty will have to wait on line with the rest of us for Iconic Relief.

  43. chat blanc says:

    I had no idea the new american dream is to become a toga toting transexual! now at least I have something to shoot for! 😛

  44. nonamedufus says:

    Sadly, the last I heard of P.O. he got arrested for flashing his torch. My how the mighty have fallen.