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My Name is Margaret and I’m a Utensilaholic

Some of you caught my juxtapositional photo the other day when I showed you a container of nasty ass food on my brand new counter in my L.A. condo. That counter was the result of a recent kitchen remodel.

Yes, in spite of living in two different cities, I held my breath, gave my keys to the contractor, left LaLa Town, and hoped for the best. Luckily…

BEFORE:

kitchen remodel before

AFTER:

kitchen remodel

However, I returned to L.A. on December 30 with a nasty cold (as I pictorially mentioned in this post) and had 24 hours to unpack dishes, wash it all, refill and reorganize the cabinets and clean all the dust from the remodel.

Why does remodel dust feel the need to travel throughout the whole house and cover EVERYTHING, even when you cover it with all that plastic stuff? You know that thin sheet stuff you get at the hardware store to prevent the dust covering EVERYTHING? You know… this stuff?

kit sheet 1

Anyway, I was rushing around because I was hosting a New Year’s Eve Party. While unpacking, I realized I had these:

Photobucket

It’s moments like this that make you realize things about yourself. I already know that I can stand in front of the giant utensil wall at Bed Bath & Beyond like a humble worshipper in awe and gaze at the hundreds of goodies before me, completely mesmerized and overwhelmed. But what I did not know was how many times I’d be taken in by a meat pounder, when I don’t recall ever even using one.

Also, my taste in meat pounders has clearly changed over time. (Those who wish to take this sentence out of context and make a juvenile joke out of it, may do so in the comments section.)

In any event, I obviously have a problem. But the yellow pages do not produce a very long list of Meat Pounders Anonymous groups, or Utensils in General Anonymous groups, for that matter. So if you have a local chapter in your area who is willing to take on a new member remotely, I am in need of a sponsor.

small ban div

Goat Thing of the Day

Mike pointed me to the Silly Goats Farm website where they have the cutest kids!

 
Awwwwwww!

small ban div

And from the What Else Department…

I would like to thank to My Loonyverse for the Proximidade Award.

And thank you to Mom To Bee who gave me the Lemonade Award. Sweet!

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86 Comments

  1. Ginger says:

    oh what happened to the comments?

    meat pounders? ok. didnt know what those were. They do look like harm wielding equipment. lol.

  2. jordan says:

    i have a thing about spoons. i like them. all of them. i think if i could dedicate my silverware drawer to spoons…i would.

  3. mrsmouthy says:

    If it makes you feel any better, the utensil in the middle is exclusively a meat TENDERIZER.

  4. * TONYA * says:

    oooh, I need me a big ‘ole meat pounder like that.
    The remodel looks great.
    I wanna cuddle those kids. Awwww

  5. Blicky Kitty says:

    I’m feeling so much better now about my collection of Medieval maces and cudgels I keep in the spare bedroom…

  6. margie says:

    help. that’s what you need, serious help. on the other hand, sleep well for you are well protected.

  7. Michele says:

    Hmmm…I sense an undercurrent of nastiness in this post. Meat pounder?
    Great remodel, by the way!

  8. The renovation looks great Mags! As far as being a utensil addict, I am one too. As a former chef, I have every kitchen gadget imaginable. I have more stainless steel bowls than I can count. Do I use them all?
    Nope. Nada. and a big fat NO!
    Enjoy the Mangia parties!

  9. Rachel says:

    The remodel is gorgeous and I love my meat pounder *snicker*
    I could take one of everything in the appliance area of BBB šŸ˜‰ Just saying.
    I have 4 cheese graters, 6 spatulas, 3 different peelers….

  10. gratitudegal.blogspot.com says:

    Author of above comment.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I do not eat much meat, so I do not own one of these. However, the Man, eats meat on occasion. I, too, am a recovering utensilholic but I lapsed recently at Christmas obtaining 3 handheld microplaners. What fun!

  12. Shan says:

    I love Bed, Bath & Beyond. I want one of everything!
    I left you something n my blog, please come pick it up.

  13. LL says:

    Good meat should be caressed lovingly, not subject to a various cavalcade of torture devices… šŸ˜‰
    Thanks for stopping by darlin’.
    AND STAY OUT OF MY ARCADE!!! šŸ˜›

  14. Leslie says:

    You like to pound meat….nothing wrong with that!
    I had to say it, sorry….

  15. dizzblnd says:

    What a beautiful job they did on the kitchen it sucks about all the dust though. I am a gadgetholic too. I buy crap at Pampered Chef parties like there couldn’t possibly be something similar, cheaper, elsewhere. Thank you for starting the support group for us
    Thank you for my first review at HBDC. That made me smile.
    I really appreciate it

  16. Jenners says:

    So funny! I could have used a meat pounder the other day too … wish I could have reached into the computer and taken one of yours!

  17. sharla says:

    Feel ya on the dust! We are remodeling our bedroom and everything is covered in crusty crud every day. Your kitchen is gorgeous though!
    I saw your comment on my blog about your revising stage on your wip. I miss that! I’m anxious to get back to the WRITING part of writing. Querying rots! Good luck to you.

  18. Ann Tracy says:

    Well, better to have 3 meat pounders than to have to throw the chicken breast in the driveway and run over it!
    Your bravery has begat you a beautiful kitchen… waaa, I want marble too…

  19. Rachael says:

    That remodel came out really nice!
    You obviously have good taste since we have the same oven/range, microwave, and kitchen faucet!
    A meat tenderizer collection would be very original…..

  20. Lori says:

    This is something that does not compute – all you need is a good toolbox:
    http://hahnathome.com/?p=1540

  21. Believe me, you’re not the first. As an auctioneer, I get to see all the stuff people hoard… Your extra stuff is at least utilitarian. Why would people save old shoe soles or fingernail clippings? I don’t know, but they do.

  22. melly says:

    I love your stove!!! Your new countertops are fantastic. I am jealous.
    My husband and I are both utensilaholics..and panaholics too. Okay..I am also a dishaholic and bowlaholic.

  23. Alex L. says:

    Three meat hammers… or tenderisers, depending on who you ask, how many do you really need. Well get 2 more then you can probably stop.

  24. Kelly says:

    Your kitchen is so damned neat.
    And I just gave my meat pounder a terrific new spit shine. šŸ™‚

  25. Madge says:

    ok, i don’t have a meat pounder because i’m vegetarian…. but i want one. i really want one.

  26. Preston says:

    Is that an Avanti stove I spy in your kitchen? I might be wrong but if it is, that’s the kind of stove that I have. Avanti’s are wonderful. If it’s not an Avanti, treat this comment as nothing more than the ramblings of a senile, dieting old gay crazyman.

  27. Mike says:

    Since your kitchen in the before mode was way nicer than my kitchen now, you get no sympathy from me for all the dust šŸ˜‰

  28. carry says:

    Having trained as a Freudian I will leave the meat pounding jokes alone. If having all those “helpers” helps, why not? That is what I say about all my stereos!!!
    Oh the jokes I passed on…..C

  29. Bobbi says:

    I’m having to move and I realized that I have multiples of utensils too. I came across 2 peelers and apparently my tastes have changes as well. I went from a small silver one to a huge red one.

  30. When you find that 12 step program, call me. I’ll be right there with you.

  31. Love the new kitchen. Doesn’t everyone need three meat pounders???
    Have I ever used the one I have? *she shakes her head slowly*

  32. I think we have the same stove! Otherwise, glad to see the changes (and the not-so-changed).
    You should visit the muskrat den. I think you need a snuggie.

  33. Larissa says:

    I, too, have a serious utensil fetish. As well as an office supply fetish, because letting me loose in a place like Office Depot? SUCH a dangerous choice. I would buy pens and paper until I was having to sell organs just to get that last fancy pen…
    But, I digress. I think we have approximately 82 spatulas, 97 knives that are too large (or small) to qualify as actual EATING utensils, and enough mixing sppons that I could lay them end to end and follow the trail all the way to… well, the next fabulous place to buy even MORE kitchen utensils! =P
    At least I’d be able to find my way home again. Heh.

  34. Jen says:

    Love the remodel! You can never have too many meat pounders. One for each ex is the rule I follow. As for the dust, it never goes away. I did some work not too long ago and had to sand some joint compound. There was a fair amount of the white dust where I sanded and I cleaned it up immediately. It was a small job but now months later I am still sweeping it up. It doesn’t help that the sun is out longer now and the angle hits just so you can see the dust in all the places I prefer to ignore.

  35. Admitting the problem is half of the solution. I like the fact that one of the pounders still has it’s label on!

  36. MJ says:

    Cue immature giggling…
    MEAT POUNDER
    *giggle*

  37. Jane! says:

    I have a meat-head at home that I could use one of those on.
    LOVE the new kitchen. Mmmmm granite!

  38. mannequin says:

    Hey. I’m not pounding my meat at all. Is this all some psychological test or somethin ? Cause I don’t do too well at those.
    Now that I know I SHOULD be pounding the meat, I’m goina put it on his grocery shopping list.
    Thanks for the kitchen tips.

  39. I prefer to pound the meat by hand.

  40. My newest obsession is not cooking so all those poor utensils sitting around in my drawers will have to be given a second life.
    spanking spoons, cattle ice breakers, windshield ice scrapers…..you know…those kinds of second lives.

  41. The new kitchen is fab! Whoever originally decided that tile made for a good counter surface should be taken out back and shot.

  42. the human says:

    I suppose your other website is nannygoatsinblackleatherwith whipsandchains.com

  43. the human says:

    Gawd, showing off your meat pounders…
    have you no modesty, woman?

  44. Jan says:

    Hmmm – should I tell her about how I left Bed, Bath and Beyond just last week with 3 new spatulas and a set of measuring cups and measuring spoons, despite the fact I already have more spatulas, measuring cups and spoons than anyone in their right mind needs? (But these were silicone – SILICONE, I TELL YA!!!)
    Nah.

  45. SinisterDan says:

    The cleanliness of that kitchen offends me.
    My obsession is knives – Chinese cleavers in particular. Maybe I’ve said too much.

  46. Jamie says:

    Remodel looks FABULOUS! I won’t mention my mom’s addiction to kitchen utensils and why we have at lease 2 of almost everything.

  47. IB says:

    If you find the name/location of the Meat-Pounders Anonymous, let me know. That’s a group to which I should belong.
    IB

  48. Ellie says:

    Have you met my mother-in-law? Three meat pounders? Pfffttt. She’d kick your ass.

  49. I could use a good meat pounder. Wanna trade salad forks for it?

  50. I love that utensil wall at Bed Bath & Beyond! (love the kitchen btw!)

  51. Saundra says:

    My name is Saundra… and I’m a utensilaholic…
    I have been selling Pampered Chef for 9 years, and I have 52 cabinets in my newly remodeled kitchen… and they are all FULL! I have to clean out my kitchen every 2 months, and I usually get rid of 3 full boxes of stuff.
    I will be a charter member and president of Utensilaholics Not So Anonymous… all in favor say… “Aye”

  52. I’m trying to think of a good joke, but the best I can do is, “That’s what she said.”
    But then I look up and see Jenn’s comment about her mother having 4 meat pounders, and two of them are wooden, and–man, she didn’t even try!

  53. Ken Geraths says:

    Oh Nanny I fear there is no hope. It is something that there is no cure for. I wish you the best of luck.

  54. Jenn says:

    i think my mom has like 4 meat pounders, two of which are wooden. weird? I,myself, have like a billion spatulas and at least 2 peelers, and let’s not go into the collection of orphaned sippy cup lids.
    are you proud? i resisted any meat pounding jokes. šŸ™‚

  55. Winter says:

    We’ve got a kitchen only because it’s required by code.
    That said, we had a nice collection of ice cream scoops.
    Mmm. I’ll be right back…

  56. OMG such cute kids!
    Yeah. I’ve got nothing on the meat pounders. I have a pounding headache, though.

  57. THE MUSE says:

    Im not sure how blogger has managed to wipe me off your bloggers follow list…but im still here!
    anyways….
    what can i say no chastisement from moi…i cannot cook and yet i have every utensil, appliance blah blah…my hubby so loves me LOL

  58. Cassie says:

    The one looks like an industrial meat pounder with it’s grippy handle and all! You must have meant business when you got that one!!!
    Kitchen looks great. You should make some kind of meat pounder sculptury wine racky thingy for it! No, really… quit laughing.

  59. Nikkicrumpet says:

    I just knew the comments were going to be as funny as the post…nice countertops by the way! And I’m not even gonna go to that other topic…it’s been done.

  60. lisa says:

    Those “kids” are cuter than my real ones. –
    Ha, ha, just “kid”ding. (couldn’t resist)

  61. floridian says:

    no wonder your arms are tired

  62. Ronnica says:

    Love the remodel! And LOL on the utensils…

  63. Those meat hammers look awfully intimidating and shiny. But what are your sex toys doing in the kitchen?

  64. Nicole says:

    Oh very nice kitchen by the way! I’m jealous.

  65. I love those giant walls of kitchen gadgetry. I have a thing for measuring cups and spoons. But I actually use them (and so does my daughter, in the mud, which is why I can justify buying more). I would LOVE to have all the cool stuff, but then I’d feel obligated to use it so it didn’t feel unloved. So on the wall they stay.

  66. Nicole says:

    I know how you feel we could start a kitchen gadget anonymous! I have soooo many gadgets in my kitchen and I don’t use half of them. I could wander those kitchen stores for hours!

  67. MadMadMargo says:

    Nice kitchen.
    Cute kids.
    I have no words for your meating pounding fetish.

  68. Braja says:

    I hope there’s no correlation between the meat pounders and those cute little goaty babies :))

  69. Janie says:

    ROLFMAO at Vodka Mom…

  70. Yaya says:

    Lol! You could totally have a meat pounder giveaway!

  71. Tracy says:

    What a beautiful kitchen!
    I can’t judge you, I realized when I finally unpacked after this last move that I own 3 v neck burgundy sweaters and at least a dozen pairs of khaki pants from Gap, more if you include capris in the khaki/stone/wheat color group and even more if you include ones that aren’t from Gap.
    The kicker? None of them really fit right.

  72. Anna Lefler says:

    Dude, you said “meat pounder.”
    [bzrt]
    …cranial overload…too many jokes…must reboot…
    ~ A.

  73. Oh I just LOVE the make over! Simply stunning!

  74. Heather says:

    I have 3 potato peelers – what does that say about me? I hear you on the worship wall at BBB!
    Very cute kids!

  75. Rhea says:

    Adorable goat photos. And I love the kitchen remodel.
    As for meat pounders…you know what, I’m not touching that one. I have nothing appropriate that won’t sound dirty…

  76. Susan says:

    Wow…great kitchen! Stunning transformation! This would be great for Met Mondays that I’m hosting on Mondays, starting January 19th. It’s gonna be all about Before and Afters. Those kids are totally Awwwwww!
    Susan

  77. ZenMom says:

    I love kitchen gadgets. I hate to cook. Yep, I’m an enigma. šŸ˜€

  78. Di says:

    Love the remodel… I’m ready for one too as soon as this economy settles down.
    You can always keep one of those pounders under your pillow as protection should you ever feel the need for it. Those ARE some great looking pounders but can’t say I have ever or would ever use one either.

  79. The remodel looks fab!
    hm, I don’t think my collection of corkscrews is nearly as interesting your meat pounders…

  80. i have a slight obsession for kitchen utensils… so i can totally see why you would need a wide variety of meat tenderizers!
    LOVE the new kitchen! Marble countertops! i love them!
    I want those goats… like now!
    xoxo

  81. Dddiva says:

    Love the new look- as far as the utensils go- since we have so many we could stock a small kitchen store I will refrain from commenting on your desire to pound meat- or rather to think about pounding meat. šŸ˜‰

  82. KJ says:

    I juste have a little meat pounder that I’ve had for probably a hundred years — wait, I’m not REALLY that old. I’m not! Anyway, you have no idea what I can do with a meat pounder. It’s like art. What starts out as an ordinary slab o’ dead creature, turns into a bloody palatable origami. Mmmm!
    KJ
    http://fragrantliar.blogspot.com

  83. ohhhh nice redo!!! and i don’t pound meat so i don’t have any of those.
    smiles, bee
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    just sayin’. ps.

  84. vodkamom says:

    Should I show you MY meat pounder? Yeah, it’s my fist.
    Wait, that didn’t come out right.

  85. JD says:

    I will not
    i repeat not
    mention my unholy
    spatula fetish …..