Nobody likes a whiner, but nothing gets my whiny engine roaring faster than bearing witness to the unfairness of life. “Living in the Moment” was never my thing and I blame my mother for that (that’s right, I’m a victim – see? I’m already whining.). She raised me to consider the consequences of my actions. And now I suffer because of it.
You wanna get my goat? Act without thinking. Let your heart rule your head. Jumble your priorities. Make use of a banana peel in a dangerous prank. Become a high-profile person and then consumed with power, sleep with whomever you wish, regardless of your marital status. Get away with murder, or worse, get a sub-prime loan on a house you can’t afford and then walk away from it, or why not even sell one of those sub-prime loans? You know, little things like that.
And then if someone wants to boil my blood until pink steam shoots out of my ears, they will enable your behavior by saying nothing (or lying for you, or bailing you out, or forgiving your debt, or refusing to allow hard evidence into your murder case because of a ‘technicality’). And now, because I’m RESPONSIBLE, I’m subsidizing your slack. Well, not YOUR slack, of course. You people are perfect. It’s those OTHER people out there that I’m talking about.
Why can’t I just relax like everyone else? Live in the moment? Let it go? Throw all my cares away?
But I digress. In fact I think I digressed before I even got started. The real reason I called you all here today was to talk about how I can never seem to find the perfect balance between over-thinking and under-thinking. For example, the last time I posted a picture of someone’s car on my blog, I forgot to blur out the license plate. And then I worried too much about it. I considered the consequences. (So I guess I didn’t digress THAT much – I’m still on the consequences thing.)
I vowed that the next time I posted a car’s picture, I would blur out the license plate, because I keep imagining myself getting into big trouble when the owner finds out and sues me for invasion of privacy. This would be an example of me over-thinking because, really, as if my puny blog is on anybody’s radar. Besides, I probably don’t have to worry about getting sued until I’m rich and famous. So, not for at least a couple more months or so.
Anyway, I still stress out about it and figure I should blur out the car’s plate to be on the safe side. But then it turns out, I’m going to be posting THIS picture of a car I saw on the freeway recently:
License Plate = MYPNK69
And seriously? A vanity plate is all about vanity, the whole vanity and nothing but the vanity, your Honor. The owner WANTS everyone to see it. And in the Dress-How-You-Want-To-Be-Treated Department, a pink car is not exactly trying to pass through life unnoticed. So do this attention whore a favor and NOTICE HER ALREADY! (By the way, I apologize for not risking my life further by capturing a better view of the pink wheel covers.)
Oops, I probably shouldn’t have called her a whore. I mean, I’m sure she doesn’t mind her car and even her license plate being broadcast all over the internet, but to call her a whore? Well, now I’ve gone too far and I probably will get into trouble for this. Should I take out the “whore” part? She probably won’t even read this. I mean, what are the chances? It’s not like a lot of people see this blog, right?
What if I called her an attention hog, would that be better? You think she’d mind that? It doesn’t carry the punch of “whore”, but you know, I don’t want to make anybody mad. Like last week’s post that brought in 137 F-bombs from a cowardly anonymous commenter.
How about pig? Would pig be okay?
hater! <3 pink!
ha ha. Glad to see I’m not the only one who takes photos of cars on the freeway 🙂
I hate idiots who have vanity plates.
pig wallow in poop, i’d rather be a whore any day. Whores also look better in lipstick
hmm…tough call…whore,hog, pig,…can’t you think of anything more pink sounding?
OH W00T! I’m glad I got here ON YOUR PUNY BLOG, with 71 readers! I suffer from paralysis of analysis. I over think and wonder why I can’t sleep and I’m ALWAYS waiting for that piece of paper in the mail announcing I’m being sued over mentioning a particular someone on my blog, minus the bitch’s name. I figure Hell is empty and they’re all up here, looking for me. Thank god I only have 20 readers on a good day. If it ever reaches 21, I’ll KNOW I’ve been discovered by the evil force.
Late chiming in, but been waiting to see if anyone else noticed the ‘uglymobile in pink’ is a FORD FALCON??? It either has cheap ‘shackles’ on it, or the spring brackets are flipped, leading me to believe it’s got a small V-8 the owner thinks is a full blown race engine. No matter what, a manufacturer says a lot about the care, pride, & effort put into a vehicle when he installs ‘adjustable ball joints’, as otherwise you’d need new ones every coupla years of normal driving. Mustangs had this silly feature too, but the ones with V-8 power usually just had better quality joints from the factory. They were one of the 1st examples of ‘included options’, mostly due to the amount of complaints generated in the 1st two years or so. yadayadayada:)
While you’re over-thinking, allow me to wish you a very happy NEW YEAR!
She/He/It wanted their picture taken so I’m sure it’s all good. You know what they say……Any publicity is good…even when it’s bad.
Stick with attention whore. It sounds much more refined.
Don’t feel bad. I can’t live in the moment either.
She’s probably a whore hog. A pink one at that. But what the hell.
Baaaaaa! Happy New Year!
kj
http://www.nanadiaries.com
http://fragrantliar.blogspot.com
I came by to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thanks for all the laughs in 2008…and I look forward to being vastly amused by your antics in 2009. Stay safe tonight..and I hope 2009 brings joy and great things to you and your loved ones!
Panties!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY 2009!! And love to the goats!!
Yup – I’d say attention whore is appropriate here…you’re just calling it as you see it. Thanks for the honesty! Have a happy new year! 🙂
Whine all you want, bitch. I’ll bring some cheese and crackers over……
Thanks for all the laughs – I look forward to many more in ’09.
Happy Naaaah Year!
I was gonna say that was my sister’s car, but I see I’m not as witty as I thought, since half a dozen people beat me to it.
Last time I got a conscience about my blogging material, I ended up deleting my whole blog and the best posts I ever wrote are gone forever. So I say relaaax.
MYPNK69? Attention whore is not inappropriate. Perhaps the car is her “office” and the tag is actually boasting her specialty?
How about Slutty CarWhore Lady? That would have been a lot less offensive.
I like the idea of the attention goat … seems like a good place to work in the word “wether” … and if I weren’t so sleep deprived I’d probably be able to put together something catchy there. 🙂
I know what you mean about the over-worrying and wanting others to take the same level of responsibility you do yourself. When you’re famous you should totally call people out for it.
Your stuff is always great.
And that anonymous comment just gets my goat (pun not originally intended but was appropriate to it is staying). What a moron.
You deserve to be famous and I believe you shall be.
Ok I was only kidding. You know that right? We’re still good?
Umm… That’s my car. What are you doing taking a picture of it and invading my privacy? And I most certainly am not a whore or a hog. I like pink things ok? Got a problem with that? I didn’t think so. Maybe you should read your blog and think ahead as to how the whole thing might just play out. I might have a pink car and I might be a little whorish but at least I don’t risk every one on the road’s life by taking pictures while I am driving.
Didn’t know about the anon commentor. They are almost always spineless jerks.
I’m sure the person with the pink car is happy to be on the web, BTW. If she didn’t like attention, she would be driving as gray Camry.
Pink sounds like “pank” where I come from, too. But “pig” sounds pretty much the same.
Aw hell. I hit the return button before I could link my blog. Here you go. NOW you can click on it and see that I haven’t written in a while. Give me time. I’ll get to it. I promise.
Cochon in France means whore. So…pig…whore…what’s the diff?
I don’t know why I love you so much, but I do. You should do stand-up. I RUN my fingers over the keyboard to open up your emails FIRST, because then everyone else’s emails tend to piss me off less. For that alone, I am eternally grateful.
Would you mind paying for my mortgage too?
I love coming to your blog for a laugh.
Thanks you!
Happy New Year!
May 2009 lift you up in wonderful ways!
You know, if you’re going to get into the whole barnyard name-calling thing, then start off calling her a cow.. That way you can slim her down to a hog or pig, depending on how you end up feeling about her..
Or, if you really don’t like her, call her a sheep from Montana, and really get the blood boiling!
Great post NGIP!
I love pink. But I’m not into the whole look at me stuff.
Too much.
I dunno about the “whore” thing but since I hate pink, I have to hate her regardless, even if she’s a nun or something.
I feel your rant about consequences and personal responsibility and I could write about that for hours. I can’t even image WHY some numb nut would drop the F bomb on you or about that post. F-them!
Most people are cool but so many can suck. Ignore the SUCK and focus on the COOL!
Giggle On!
Yeah….
Did you see my post about making sure that the tags, ribbons and paper all matched for Christmas wrapping?
I’m glad I haven’t cornered the market on over-thinking. You make me feel (almost) normal.
For what it’s worth, I think attention whore is totally appropriate.
That could be a dude with big hair. Who likes pink. A member of the 80s band “White Lion” perhaps …
Uh, her license plate says “MyPink69”. Not that I’m, like, dirty-minded or anything, but the, hmmm, implication there is that she IS a whore.
Call a pink-car-driving-ho a pink-car-driving-ho; I don’t have a problem with it. But I can come back and drop a few F-bombs anonymously if you’re feeling neglected.
how about “attention whorehogpig”? i like that. whorehogpig. i gots tons of people i could use that on.
It’s a PINK car. Whore is spot on.
How about calling her a Ho Ho? Weren’t they those pink sugary things? Or am I thinking about something else?
@Marvelgoose, perfect, “attention boar”!
LOL I think whore is okay when attached to “attention” and when you really disect that pink 69…I think whore could be fitting in a lot of ways hehehehe. And congrats on achieving what I’m pretty sure is a blog world record if you got 137 F bombs. I think there’s a trophy for that!
GO WITH WHORE, YOU COWARD!!!
lol…oh Panties, you should get upset more often…it’s good for the blood pressure and I wanna see the fun that comes outta this
btw did you notice your COMMENTS BOX WORKS FOR ME NOW??!?!?!
hehe Nanny said “Whore!”
Hey! That’s MY CAR!!!
Ha! Just kidding. You probably have, like, 30 other comments that say the same thing. I’d probably know that if I read them. Now you know my dark secret – I only read the comments on MY blog! Oh, shoot, what do you suppose the ramifications of that announcement are?
That’s my mom’s car. You bitch!
Kidding …… ha!
When are we going to meet somewhere for a glass of wine? Because I think we really should do that!
I’ll do something or say something then think about the impact and the consequences later. Obsessive thinking sometimes, like the stinky face that I made behind my Aunts back at Christmas. I was caught by her “friend”. What’s done is done! Are you sure that’s not a dude behind the wheel of the pink mobile? Hmmmm.
Yeah, I’m with you on the “It’s not my fault and I am not responsible” crowd. People like that make me wanna holler.
Pink cars? I remember the “Playmate Pink” Mustang the PMOY got as a gift from Hef back in the day. Maybe that’s the attention ho you were going for?
Personally, I like ‘swine’. Gives some class to the below the belt hit. Expand it with swine face, swine butt, etc.
To quote Lt Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, “You don’t have time think up there. If you think, you’re dead.”
Quit overthinking and leave some plates already, ok?
Did it ever occur to you little miss prissy pants that maybe just maybe that is an old relic of a Mary Kay Cosmetics car? I feel quite sure that Mary Kay is not a “ho” and therefore can only assume that you do not infer that the driver of the car is a Mary Kay ho.
Huh?
I say go ahead and call a ho a ho. Besides, you’re the one that Mary Kay will come down on , not me.
WHORE! go with it. Or SLUT! She needs to be judged! I’ll settle myself down.
After sleeping a whopping 3 hours last night due to overthinking I got up and said I should do a post and ask if others were as worried/mentally deranged as I am.
I guess so, huh?
A ‘ho by any other name would still be a skank…
And presumably a ‘ho in that car would be anorexic and really object to being called a hog. 😛
Gak I get you on the responsibility thing- ticks me off to no end we’re bailing the morons out but heaven forbid anyone lose their perks!
I’m with Muse Swings. If it’s out there on the highway, what’s wrong with posting it on your “humble” blog? Unless of course you call her a whore which is why blogs are so much fun anyway. Most of us don’t get to talk like that IRL. Or do you??
“MYPNK69”???? WTF?? your pink 69 is uggg-ly!!! and yes, we all see you….
sorry about the rude comment, my feathers got all ruffled for you just reading it!!!
So I go back to see what the fuss was about and there was the F-Bomber, F-Bombing away right next to my comment. Luckily, my icon was not injured.
————
I believe the more appropriate epithet for the pink lady would be that she is an “attention boar” as it combines the best of both your choices and would probably be over her head if she was able to read.
Not to be outdone by your cowardly anonymous commenter, I was going to leave 138 F-bombs…but I’m just too tired.
Besides, I’m still reeling from the fact that you posted a photo of my mom’s car on your blog.
I mean, come ON. (Good thing you didn’t catch her in her lavender Winnebago.)
:^) Anna
Once on my personal blog I mentioned a red car in a ditch near my house. A commenter I didn’t know piped up and said he thought he’d seen the same thing, and he knew the make and location.
Freaked me out.
I honestly can’t imagine how/why someone would drive around with that license plate, but hey, I’m glad we live in such a free country. lol
An award awaits you, my dear bloggyfriend!
Oh but I love pink cars! That’s my next colour. I am having a lilac crushed velvet interior with silver sparkly bits in it too ;O)
ps- what was in the Tiffany box??
Hehehehe
No..I prefer you to call me “whore”. I really am insecure about my weight so “hog” is hurtful!
p.s. I read the comment you were talking about. Sheesh, what part of “humor blog” do some people not get?!!!!
If you run down the street naked screaming ‘I AM NAKED’ , everyone looks right?
what does she expect?
ho-ho-ho works for me
What if one of your readers actually knows this person and tells? Or looks them up through department of motor vehicles and tells??? nah…not likely….or is it….not….
We might just be cut from the same cloth. Your brain seems to think similar to mine. Why must we responsible people always pay the price?
Thank you for not further risking your life with that photo…I would not want to attend the first “I died for my blog” funeral.
Also I am sure she is a whore..any women who seeks that much attention can only be roda hard and put away wet. I am sure she has done many Handy jobs in that pink va-jay-jay on wheels.
I was so glad you sent a tweet about your newest post. Having a rough day and I knew I would smile when reading your blog – thank you 🙂
You made me laugh, as usual. Thanks 🙂
HOG IS GOOD,T=THE W WORD,TOO STRONG…ANN
No, I like the word whore myself. I use it freely and suggest everyone else do the same.
Hahahahaha!
You always make me laugh!
If I’m not mistaken and I soooo rarely am, vanity plates, pink cars and idiots are in the public domain. It they want stuff blurred out they should do it themselves.
I saw that comment on the previous post and wondered what the hell was going on. It seems you can’t get away from “idiots” and jack-asses even on your own blog.
Love the blog. Keep it up.
IB
Pigs are pink.
You’re way too much. How about an Attention Goat?
Well, my husband once (years ago) playfully insinuated that I resembled the little pig girl in some maze boardgame we were playing, and he got a cup of coffee thrown in his face, so maybe “hog” and “pig” wouldn’t be so grand….anyway, you called her an “attention whore” which of course is *vastly* different from the regular old kind. It’s *figurative*.
Course, the little pig girl joke was figurative, too, but the cup of coffee sure as heck wasn’t.
Whore, hog…if the shoe fits… It’s probably a pink shoe too. U r hilarious!
hog is good…
smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
ewwwww pink.. or as we say down here “pank”