Sacramento has more trees than you can shake a stick at. Why, every day, someone, somewhere in this city is barking up the wrong one, that’s how many we have. Allegedly (or should I say, Allergy) Sacramento has the most trees per capita in the world. How many trees do we have, you ask?
The most. That’s how many.
How do we know we have the most? Why just take a look at this:
Oops! Wait, let me do that again. OK, take a look at THIS:
See? It says so right here on this alien spaceship. So it must be true.
Not many people know this story, but that spaceship landed here one October evening in 1996. Little green men came out and said, “Take me to your Cedar.”
They robot-booted into our neighborhood and fell in love with the foliage. They said to me, “This is amazing! We love your city! We declare it the City of Trees!”
I said, “Well, you’re lucky to catch us in the Fall. And actually, we already ARE the City of Trees. Ever since we beat Paris hands down in the 1965 Per Capita Tree-Off. But thanks just the same. That’s very nice of you.”
They wrapped their arms around the trees and kissed the bark with lips on the sides of their head, so it looked as though they were listening to the bark. They thanked us for the tour of our neighborhood, shook our hands, gave us candy, abandoned their spaceship and said something about hitchhiking to Area 36 or Area 64 (I can’t remember the name of it) somewhere in Nevada.
And now, whenever I lay me down to sleep, visions of tree-hugging aliens dance in my head.