I’m not bitter or anything, but I think the deck is stacked against you if a beauty pageant is hosted in a foreign country.
While I was honored to have participated as America’s representative in the Most Beautiful Goat Competition held this past weekend in some middle eastern country, I found their integrity regarding pageant rules dubious at best.
First of all, this one fellow competitor (as we were not properly introduced, I will simply call her ‘Ho-Bag’) shook her fuzzy tush at the judges during every portion of the pageant. Now, everyone knows what a prude I am, so my ruffled 100% organic cotton nanny goat panties covered me from head to hoof. And of course you all know by now the controversy over underage goats slipping past the International Goat Beauty Pageant Qualification Committee.
Anyway, this adolescent slut galloped off the stage and as she passed me, I was all, “everyone knows you use double-stick tape” and she was all, “Yeah? Well your friend, Billy, told me you were a lousy bleater”.
So I kicked her. Right in the thigh. And she cried, “Why ME? Why ME? Why, why, why?” She wailed and belly-ached like a kid.
Bitch still walked away with first place.
Here she is shaking her thang at the judges one last time during the finals:
(Photo courtesy of Reuters via Telegraph)
I’d like to thank Eve and Kat for sending me the information on this event and I apologize for the lack of camera coverage when I briefly took the stage for the talent competition (I eat a full-length trench coat in under a minute), but I think I had already been herded out of the arena by the time the above photo was taken.
