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Can Goats Get Catty? Yes We Can.

I’m not bitter or anything, but I think the deck is stacked against you if a beauty pageant is hosted in a foreign country.

While I was honored to have participated as America’s representative in the Most Beautiful Goat Competition held this past weekend in some middle eastern country, I found their integrity regarding pageant rules dubious at best.

First of all, this one fellow competitor (as we were not properly introduced, I will simply call her ‘Ho-Bag’) shook her fuzzy tush at the judges during every portion of the pageant. Now, everyone knows what a prude I am, so my ruffled 100% organic cotton nanny goat panties covered me from head to hoof. And of course you all know by now the controversy over underage goats slipping past the International Goat Beauty Pageant Qualification Committee.

Anyway, this adolescent slut galloped off the stage and as she passed me, I was all, “everyone knows you use double-stick tape” and she was all, “Yeah? Well your friend, Billy, told me you were a lousy bleater”.

So I kicked her. Right in the thigh. And she cried, “Why ME? Why ME? Why, why, why?” She wailed and belly-ached like a kid.

Bitch still walked away with first place.

Here she is shaking her thang at the judges one last time during the finals:

(Photo courtesy of Reuters via Telegraph

I’d like to thank Eve and Kat for sending me the information on this event and I apologize for the lack of camera coverage when I briefly took the stage for the talent competition  (I eat a full-length trench coat in under a minute), but I think I had already been herded out of the arena by the time the above photo was taken.

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  1. Ronnica says:

    I know this post is like forever old and all (I’ve allowed real life to get in the way of my bloggy life…so sue me; no, you can’t have my full name and address), but I laughed hard at the title. “Yes we can” on the day after the election? Priceless.

  2. And we buy oil from these people and let them push us around… Christ!

  3. Rhea says:

    Glad you kicked that biotch. Cheaters aren’t cool.

  4. Ha! You are one hot goat and I’m most impressed with the talent part of your competition–trenchcoat in under a minute? Pretty fabulous.

  5. Jayson Cole says:

    Dangggg! I want some of that! I bet her milk taste sweet!

  6. What a skanktard! There is no justice.

  7. Oh, and thank you for the compliment on my banner. I took the photo myself.

  8. I visted your blog the other day, too – because I saw it on the BlogHer sidebar! Your blogs are a stitch! In fact I posted a link to the gals at Petticoats and Pistols.
    Thank you for stopping by my blog!

  9. Lilly says:

    You may be like to know that I have a very interesting photos of the said Ho-Bag with a black sheep doing some rather ingenious tricks. Personally, I think they should get worldwide coverage so that the whole goat loving public get to know who the real ho-bag is…..

  10. Nikkicrumpet says:

    Where those judges blind? Didn’t they notice the HUGE schnoz on that shegoat. I think she was inbred.

  11. Aubrey says:

    I think she used Kim Kardashian’s butt implant surgeon. Goaty’s Got Back!

  12. Poetikat says:

    What’s so special about a Roman nose anyhow? Look what happened to Julius.

  13. LarryG says:

    Your blog gives me a chuckle every time I see the name of it…
    then to see this post! TOO HILARIOUS!!! thank you – what the world needs now is laughs sweet laughs!

  14. “On the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah, I shake my little tush on the catwalk …”

  15. Jan says:

    Well, now see, your problem is that you didn’t saunter up and down the catwalk chanting, “I’m too sexy for my wool, too sexy for my wool, too sex-eeeee…”
    It’s all mental, you know.

  16. Laurel says:

    You were robbed I tell ya!

  17. kirsten says:

    I see what you mean. What happens when that bitch gains loses her looks? She’s still a bitch!

  18. black betty says:

    what a heffa! i mean, jezzabelle!!!

  19. muskrat says:

    that’s okay, they’ll just send this thing to the naval academy where it’ll be “tailhooked” day and night for the rest of the year.

  20. Dddiva says:

    Bwahahahaha too funny. Dang, even a goat can’t get a fair shake, what the heck is the world coming to.
    You totally rocked it, nanny, that ho-bag couldn’t have won on talent alone. 😉

  21. You were robbed! ROBBED!

  22. Blicky Kitty says:

    I heard she had her utters done. You can totally tell those things are fake. She also sticks her hoof down her throat if she eats too much grass.

  23. she looks like she had a nose job anyways.

  24. Anna Lefler says:

    Wait – isn’t Kim Kardashian a brunette?

  25. Margo says:

    Lol this was great and I love the name of your blog!

  26. Nooter says:

    (sniff) (sniff)

  27. Brittany says:

    Oh man, why is it goats can only get fair treatment on their home turf these days.

  28. AngieSS says:

    Hahaha Dude, it is so obvious she slept with all the judges to win… Whore! You are still the most beautiful to me — big granny panties and all!

  29. quirkyloon says:

    Yeah, but she’ll probably shave her head and her body in no time.
    She’ll get hers, don’t you worry.
    (still laughing)

  30. Nana says:

    Okay, you officially win the hysterical blog of the week (again!).
    Love ya, Nanny,

  31. Tricia says:

    Next time, kick her harder. That nose can take a few.

  32. Becky says:

    That was downright HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!
    I totally snorted from laughing so hard. You always know how to make me smile and laugh.

  33. Carrie says:

    Okay, Haloscan was all messed up and I thought it ate my comment. Oops!

  34. Carrie says:

    Just wondering what they do with the goats after the competition.
    Kind of reminds me of the Woody Allen Movie, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, but Were Afraid to Ask,” but that was a sheep, not a goat.
    If you haven’t seen it you can find it on YouTube by searching Gene Wilder Sheep. Enjoy peeps, and you’re welcome. hahaha

  35. chat blanc says:

    scandalous! you was wobbed!

  36. Carrie says:

    I’m just wondering what they do with the goats afterwards?
    Reminds me of “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, but were Afraid to Ask,” but that was about sheep, not goats.
    If you haven’t seen the movie, you can find the scene on YouTube. If you’d like to be disturbed, that is…

  37. HeatherPride says:

    Best thing I’ve seen all day!

  38. Di says:

    Ya, but how’d she do in the talent competition? Can she play flute?? Huh, huh… that’s what I wanna know…

  39. debbie says:

    You were so robbed! Well, there’s always next year.

  40. jane! says:

    Must’ve been rigged. That chick totally needs a nose job!

  41. Leslie says:

    OMG, that’s hilarious! What a bitch!

  42. gingela5 says:

    That is one beautiful goat. I wonder if Donald Trump was in charge of this pageant!

  43. Alyson says:

    Give her six months…she’ll be de-crowned, in rehab and begging for a second chance.

  44. 3boys1mommy says:

    Ho-Bag deserves a shot of pepper spray to the face, a la Ms. Puerto Rico.

  45. Jenn says:

    wow! a trench coat in under a minute? now that is one awesome talent! I can’t believe they let a beautiful and talented goat like you not win, but you know how those young upstart goats are. I bet she can’t eat a trench coat in under a minute.

  46. Ken Geraths says:

    You are simply the best Nanny, You have no equal.

  47. Scargosun says:

    I think I just ruined another monitor with spit coffee.