Earlier today, while I was licking chocolate pudding off the kitchen floor (don’t judge me, you do gross stuff, too) I happened to catch a peek at both my dining room chairs and the cabinet floor under the kitchen sink.
Holy peaches and blueberries! They have the same pattern. Why hadn’t I noticed that before?
Have you ever bought way too much shelf liner, or halfway through your WhatWereYouThinking project of lining each and every shelf in the kitchen and bathroom, you just sort of lost interest, vowing to come back later and finish it, but never get around to it? And then 7 years later, you find the leftover shelf liner in the closet, but you don’t have the heart (or the ethics) to throw it away?
Does your shelf have too much shelf liner?
Well, it’s a good thing you came by Nanny Goats In Panties today, because for you, I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and will now demonstrate ten creative alternative uses for that roll of floral or plaid source of inner nagging.
1. Spruce up your ugly, outdated counter top with this handy water jug cozy.
2. Spruce up your ugly, outdated floor tile with this trash receptacle decorative wrap.
3. Give your vacuum cleaner that much-needed pizazz to compete with the noisy motor that sends the kitties (and the silverfish) scattering.
4. Tuck away those inappropriate videos behind this artful coverpiece. For extra wholesome kudos, place a bible on the top to keep that cover from accidentally slipping off when Father Murphy comes round for tea.
5. Nothing says, “Come on in and sit for a spell” more than this adorable toilet seat lid cover.
6. For a festive look, have your maid include this fruity TP roll touch-up during her daily rounds. Keep extras in the bathroom drawer in case Uncle Charlie who is famous for helping himself to the decorative bath soaps stops by.
7. You know how they have seat fillers for the Academy Awards so the theatre doesn’t look empty while celebrities are back stage? Well, now you can use towel fillers while your launderess is busying herself with the washing machine.
8. They say it’s the window treatments that sell the house. Well my realtor says that, anyway.
9. By now, you should be getting to the end of the roll. If you have some shelf liner left, and still can’t bring yourself to throw those silly scraps away, try tying a fun little bow onto the toilet flush handle. This is great for the potty-in-training kiddies who can’t reach that high.
10. Still have some left? Great! Take a couple of strips out on the town in your favorite dancing shoes! Don’t be surprised if you are approached by many admirers asking you where you got that awesome footwear!
Anybody whose atrocious math resulted in overbuying shelf liner to the point that you still have it coming out of your ears, I have two words for you: cigar bands.
You’re welcome.



















OMG! That was so funny! Totally loved it!
Does this work on old grumpy bald farts to spruce them up? One time I started to line the pantry shelves with sticky-backed shelf liner and I asked Mr. P to help me. He got so frustrated he ended up crumpling the whole roll up in a ball and throwing it in the trash.
Yes, it works on old grumpy bald farts. It makes wicked awesome toupees. I'm wearing one now!
(Sorry, shouldn't have hijacked the comments section. This is funny stuff, indeed. Glad I found you via Eddie's roasting.)
Wow, it started out so believably… I think I finally lost it with the toilet paper roll…
That's what I should do when I see too much stuff stacked up in corners and cubby holes… turn it into a funny blog post! And as soon as I get a maid I'll have her include the TP cover!