After I idiotically installed white carpet in my condo ten years ago, I spent a lot of my time not inviting people over for the fear that they would spill grape juice on it. Even though I don’t keep grape juice in the house.
Ultimately, I decided to throw my friend his 50th birthday party there. I was going to have strangers in my house. Standing on my carpet. Drinking stuff. Red stuff. I figured the only way to calm down about my pristine carpet was to drink some wine myself. And it worked. I was having a fabulous time.
And then it happened.
Someone spilled red wine on MY carpet!
It was me.
After that, I didn’t worry about other people spilling anything.
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I think I owned my new SUV hybrid a couple of months when in the chaos of blabbing on the cell phone and stressing about being late for family Thanksgiving, I threw the food in the back, jumped in the car, and backed out of the garage. But I forgot to close the back hatch, so it slammed into the garage door.
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Some of you know I recently got a MacBook Air. And I showed it off to you guys when it was shiny brand new a couple of months ago. Last week I dropped it in the garage and the rear right corner bent to the point that when I opened it, it made this scraping sound and peeled off a layer of something each time.
MrMudPuppy and I fretted over how much it could cost to fix this thing, and when he called the Apple Store to inquire, the guy told him that if he had put it on American Express, they would replace the whole machine for free.
Does MrMudPuppy have an American Express card?
Yes.
Did he use it to purchase my birthday present?
Are you kidding? We’re talking about my karma here, so no, no he didn’t.
But he called the bank (for the credit card he DID use) and asked and wouldn’t you know they would cover the repair – woo hoo! He found out everything he needed to do and asked if he could take the Mac to the store right away and they told him yes.
When he spoke to the bank again the next day, they told him they would need a picture of the damage. Something they FAILED to mention BEFORE he dropped it off.
Do I nearly always accompany my blogs with pictures?
Yes.
Did I consider taking a picture of my broken computer a few days ago when I first klanked it?
Yes.
Did I, in fact, take a picture of the damage?
Please see above reference to my karma.
I asked my dear groom to call the Apple store to see if they still had the computer. I mean, it had been less than 24 hours. How far could it get?
Well, not only had they already shipped my Mac out for repair, those Apple bastards had already fixed it and now it’s shipping to our house. WTF?!
Needless to say, the next phone call to the credit card company may be an expensive one.
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OTHER STUFF:
Anna from Life Just Keeps Getting Wierder had me rolling in the aisles with this one.
Also, as part of the current HumorBloggers.com Humor Carnival, Kirsten from The Soccer Mom Files gives us her rendition of growing up in the 1970s. While my carnival submission ranted on childhood slavery, Kirsten embraces her adventures outside as well as under the kitchen sink. You yungin’s just don’t understand how rough we 70s children had it.
And once again I’m still begging for votes for Humor Blogger of The Year. It’s just a click on this link, then select Nanny Goats In Panties, then click the VOTE button! So if you haven’t voted for me yet, I would appreciate your support!
When I read the last section I swear I read “carnival submission” as “carnal submission”… which was pretty twisted if you put it in context.
Ah, Marge…
The peril of nice things… You may be interested to know that you are not the only victim of Karma. In fact, you may not be the primary target at all!
I have been in Karma’s crosshairs ever since I dropped my dad’s binoculars when I was five. In the course of my short life, Karma has chalked up an insanely large list including, but not limited to broken vases, shattered heirlooms, busted electrical sockets, a crippled table, two suffering computers, a broken door (that was particularly hard to do), welded jewellery, superglued watches, shorted electric circuitry and a twisted fretboard on a guitar with sentimental value.
And I was a veritable pro, if veritable is the word I want. I didn’t usually take a log time to script an act of destruction. I had just got my driver’s license when I ran dad’s car into a lamppost. I was just starting to cook when I almost chopped off my thumb. I had just started playing video games when I opened the console, made adjustments, and took out the power supply to the whole building. Karma’s never wasted time with me.
At least I HOPE that was all Karma’s work. Otherwise it would mean that I’m klutzier than I’d like to admit.
Sounds like me.
I had my VERY FIRST (and ONLY) BRAND. NEW. CAR. 6 months TO THE DAY later, it was totalled by a Chicago cabbie. Bastards, all of them.
In my old apartment complex, they were pretty gung-ho about de-icing during the winter, and tended to rotate which building they started with, just to kinda make things fair, I guess. The ONE day my building was last, I wiped out on the sidewalk *2 steps* out the door and got a herniated disk in my back. Niiiice.
There’s TONS more… pretty much covering the expanse of, oh, my ENTIRE existence.
I feel your pain. =)
you have the wrong k its not karma its klumsy. wait klumsy starts with a c, shit. Well if it helps I insist on slamming my head into any cabinet or door i can find. For no apparent reason
I loved this post (and not just because you mentioned me and my blog)!
As someone who does not own a single white shirt without a permanent Ragu or Spaghettios stain on it, I feel your pain.
Sometimes life is one infinite white carpet and karma is your incontinent dog. (OK, that sounds much more enlightened with sitar music playing in the background.)
Thanks again for the shout-out!
:^) Anna
I loved this post (and not just because you mentioned me and my blog)!
As someone who does not own a single white shirt without a permanent Ragu or Spaghettios stain on it…I feel your pain.
Sometimes life is one infinite white carpet and karma is your incontinent dog. (OK, that sounds much more enlightened when there’s sitar music playing in the background.)
Thanks again for the shout-out!
:^) Anna
Hey, your carpet finally got baptized. Poor thing was living in limbo all that time…..
aw. i am so sorry about the computer! the last laptop i had worked great until about a week after the 1 year warranty expired. then the screen died. they wanted $900 to fix it. um…i don’t think so! so i bought a monitor and just used it as a desk top for a couple of years. now i have a mac. it is 10 months old. so far so good.
karma. yeah.
If you didn’t need the pic of the Mac, it would have sat in the store for two weeks. Go figure.
(This article has been Dugg and Stumbled.)
Whose this guy, Karma, that you really pissed off?
I’ve got the same karma, but I’m glad to know that about the Amex card. I wonder how long they cover it? Did they happen to say? I wonder if it would have worked with my first iPhone that fell in the water? grrr…….
omg, we’re too much alike. My family always says I can’t have anything nice, LOL. I’m such a clutz. And no one lends me stuff either … maybe it’s cause last laptop I dropped and broke wasn’t mine.
You and I seem to share the same karma. Especially lately. Well, at least they fixed the Mac!
Wait a minute! You can get it replaced for free if you use your Amex? I think I need one of those!!
I dropped my macbook and it’s busted now, but I don’t have an amex so who cares anyway. 🙁
Thanks for letting me vent!
Wow, just all around tragic circumstances. Whew.
Maybe this doesn’t help now, but for the future – I heard white wine will take a red wine stain out. I have not had the opportunity to use this tidbit of info personally, but my mom did on her white fuzzy sweater when she spilled red wine on it and she swears it works! So, maybe for the next tragic spilling of the vino?
I bought a new car in 1979.
I needed something dependable for work, and the assortment of used junkers I’d gone through just wasn’t cutting it. So, I bought a new car in 2006. Within a week, I became partially disabled and lost the job.
Karma can be a bitch.
Bummer!
Wow – you’re rockin over at Humor Blogger. I was going to say it’s not too cool to show all the votes, but it must feel good to be so far ahead.
How much to bump off Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars?
Em
Haha…you sound like me! One example–I had just got a pedicure (a rare occassion) and I was sitting and waiting in the salon and I bumped my toe on a table and it completely ruined it! grrrr
That’s funny…I’m glad you got the Mac fixed…I’ve had similar interactions with garage doors…I put a car thru one and was slammed on the back by one…BTW, thanks for the Stumble.
Yikes! I think we’ll have to get AppleCare on my wife’s next laptop …
Okay, so I voted for you even though I think this is my first visit to your website. But, I was in stitches. So thank you for starting my morning off right.
And Lynn messed up her link. It should read: Enter the Super Duper SuperWAHMz Contest!
Yep, those are the things that always happen to me.
I’d never owned a brand-new car in my life, until I married Dr. Jekyll. So in Sept. of 2004, we purchased a brand-new 2004 Honda Accord. We made three payments. About a week after Christmas, on a dark, rainy day, I turned in front of someone and got in an accident. I cried. It cost the insurance company $12,000 but they fixed it. But in my mind, it wasn’t the same. It’s so frustrating when those things happen! This is why we always — despite advice to the contrary — purchase extended warranty on expensive items like cars and computers. Especially because at Best Buy, they just hand over a new one if you have an extended warranty.
Oh, and the computer thing? The reason they fix it so fast, is that they yank out your hard drive, put it in a new (read: refurbished) laptop and off it goes. Just so ya know. We’ve been there, done that.
Yeah, we have bad purchase karma.
At least your karma is never DULL!
Hehehe. Yeah, karma. You didn’t lose any of the food did you????
Enter the Super Duper SuperWAHMz Contest!
Ah karma, the true force of nature…