Can I get a show of hands … who is sick of hearing about the price of gas? My God, if it’s not on the news, it’s on someone’s blog. When are all you whiners going to stop complaining and DO something about it?
What? Oh, you want your cake AND you want to eat it? You people make me sick. Stop driving, already! Take the frickin’ bus! That’s inconvenient, you say? You have to take 5 busses to get to work? AND you’d have to walk half a mile from your house to get to the bus stop? Well boo-hoo! You should have thought of that BEFORE you had to buy the big-ass house in the burbs.
And I didn’t twist your arm to buy that gas-guzzler you commute to work all by your greenhouse-gas-spewing self in, did I? No. I told you to get the Prius, but you HAD to have the behemoth that doesn’t even fit in your garage. Okay, it fits in your garage, but nobody can get out of that monster after you pull into it, CAN they?
And now, here you are bitching about gas prices and bitching about how you’re sick of hearing about it on the news. I saw you raise your hand earlier. I’m so disgusted with you right now, I shouldn’t even tell you this, but…
There’s this website called MyGallons.com. You can lock in a price of gas now, so that when gas prices rise, you still pay the old price. Oh, I can see that little hamster spinning the plastic wheel of saved pennies in your puny brain. Speaking of which, did you ever think of walking to work? Biking to work? Voting for people who won’t cause your gas prices to rise? No. Because all you ever think about is yourself. And what you want NOW.
Well, I hope you load up on $4.50 gas and the price falls. I hope you max out your splitting-at-the-seams credit card with that gassy website and then I hope you choke on it.
I can’t believe I’m even helping you. Just don’t say I never gave you nuthin.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, my converted school bus is double-parked. And I left the engine running.
[UPDATE: NGIP should stress that it does not endorse the gassy website, particularly as it got an F from the BBB, so buyer beware! Thanks, ExploreSacto!]
* * * NGIP SHOUT OUTS * * *
When was the last time you read a good colonoscopy story? Never. That’s when. JD from I Do Things So You Don’t Have To wrote this gut-wrenching tale that is not to be missed. Why? Because it’s funny as hell, that’s why. Plus, that story won an award from Babs at Beetle Blog. Now, I don’t know if your neck of the woods realizes the prestige that comes with a Glass Poo award, but at NGIP, it’s awesome to behold. You can go to this post to see it. It looks like poo. Made of glass. And the best part about it? She doesn’t have to give it to five other people. I should give Babs an award for that because, did I ever mention that I’m an Anti-Memite?
And in the interest of sticking it into rant-reverse, Lisa at Boondock Ramblings, who has been so generous as to add NGIP to her blogroll, wrote a beautiful post about how fabulous her mother is. It’s honest, sincere, and moving without getting too gushy. Or, I don’t know, maybe it is gushy, but I liked it. It’s called My mom, my best friend.
The price of gas has caused everything to go up. EVERYTHING. So if anybody wants to lock in the price of sex, just visit MyWhores.com so that when hooker prices rise, you still pay the old price.
Preach on sista. I would put money in your offering plate. I do drive a gas hog, but I don’t complain…because I new what I was getting into. If it cost me a extra 100 bucks a month to enure a little more safty on the freeway at 70mph in case of a accident than here is my debit cars. I will buy a hybrid suburban next time. Yes they do make them!
The thing is … everything goes up in prices… the media just loves to focus on one thing. Drives me nuts too.
I haven’t been able to afford to go for a leisurely drive for years now,welcome to my world, I say 😉
Thanks so much for the shout-out! And especially for highlighting Babs’s awesome Glass Poo award. Yeah, I have no intention of sharing that baby. It’s mine, all mine (thousands of grateful bloggers sigh in relief).
OMG! I think I hurt myself. This has to be the funniest post I’ve ever read. Thanks for the gut-busting laugh.
I’m one of those damn gas guzzling SUV drivers and I’m proud of it! No twelve step program for me though because I’m spoiled and I do lots of driving and ain’t gonna drive a clown box around just to make the Liberals feel better about the size of the carbon footprint Mr. Gore is leaving. Plus I don’t complain, I just exclaim “Holy Crap” when it cost me a hundred bucks to fill up. Lock in gas? Hahaha…that makes me laugh and want to book a trip to Vegas for some reason.
I would say at least your converted school bus probably runs on diesel, but that’s even more expensive than regular out here … 😉
I did a post a while back about going back to riding horses. Then I heard hay went up because of the stupid frickin gas companies. Bastards!
Excellent. We blogrolled you for this one. Cheers!
The thing that makes me so mad about the enormous SUV drivers is the fact that they really can’t even drive them! They drive in the middle of the lanes because they can’t tell where their behemoth car ends,they make super wide turns, and swerve all over the darn place. And what’s more outrageous is that they do all of this while on their frippin cell phone. But that’s another rant for another day, right?
Yeah, we just bought an SUV so I guess we’re adding to the problem! But, we’re not really complaining about gas either!
Oh my god … look, I’m sorry, but (yeeesh) …. (blanches) I had a conversation like that about three weeks ago (crap!) sorry sorry feel bad … I am gargling bleach as I write this & have the handgun ready … ohhh, I knew life would go like this ….
Seriously though, those fuckers with the SUVs should be forced to drink the amount of petrol they use each day. Or something. Provided somebody who isn’t me gets blamed, that’s the main thing.
Where I live in lovely Sacramento has a dearth of bus routes. One. Two if you want to transfer and take a 45 minutes ride for what would take 11.
It’s kind of a Catch-22. You can’t take the bus, because there aren’t enough routes (RT sliced routes earlier this year too in other parts of town). But, they won’t add routes unless there are enough riders. Makes a lot of sense.
I did get sent an RT field survey and weighed in, because they know there’s a problem, but by the time they study it and hold meetings and try and find budget that doesn’t exist, my kids will be out of high school and have moved to Iowa or something (where there are plenty of bus routes, by the way).
There’s a great Sacramento blog called RT Rider that weighs on on this every day. Sounds boring, but it’s really pretty darned good.
Right-on!, I bike all over town. It’s three years old and just shy 3,000 mls. And I have never put 1 drop of gas in it at any price!
I was reading somewhere that bicycles are the next big thing.I wonder how will we ever ride bicycles wearing boots and skirts. In that case men will get their daily eye candies.lol.
I can never get over with that anti-memeite post. Darn! ROFL
I’ve just stopped driving my car, it sucks down far too much gas. I now only drive one of those Power Wheels toy cars. It does well at the pump, but man the price of D batteries is killing me!
Thanks for the head up, ExploreSacto. It’s Buyer Beware!!!!
It is just so hard riding that damn bike after a visit to my favorite tavern..hehe
Regarding MyGallons.com – Here’s an article from LATimes.com titled, “Gasoline seller MyGallons.com gets ‘F’ from Better Business Bureau”
http://www.latimes.com/technology/la-fi-mygallons4-2008jul04,0,4026537.story
See, the fuel prices are exactly why I’m an advocate for ALL kids cramming into a short-bus to go to school. Saves gas AND promotes togetherness.
Way to put those whiners in their places! I just got rid of my car and even though the winter is gonna be horrific here in Chicago as always, I say bring it on! Nice work!
@Brittany – Shoot! I wish I’d thought of that. Good one!
My little Scion doesn’t look so stupid now, does it? Toaster on wheels, you say? Fine, but I get 35 MPG on the highway.
Just some gloating. 🙂
This is why my blog is dedicated to stupid celebrities, heavy cleavage, and mocking most of the free (and communist world).
Noone ever complains abut boobs.
Good call. I parked the hummer and have been just driving my lawnmower into town.
Interesting idea that Mygallons.com place. Thankfully here on the East side of the bay prices are below $4 in some places if you pay cash.
Amen. Me and my Honda Civic are tired of the SUV drivers complaining.
Hey, thanks for the shout out and the gas tip.
I’m an anti-memite too.
Wait. What does that mean? It’s good right?
Crap.
Thanks again.
School Bus eh??
You got a coffee can muffler and PHAT ass rims on it too?!?!
Thanks for the shout out to my sis in law; I always tease her brother that I married him to get his family. Mom is a great lady.
I was completely LMAO @ the fact your converted school bus was double parked AND you left the engine running!
You made my day…
@honeywine – The website sounds like a good idea when prices were climbing toward $5, but now that they’ve fallen, what about all those people that bought at five? It could be tricky, like gambling.
Of course my whole rant is mostly a joke, and you shouldn’t have to say “unfortunately” and your “house is free” in the same sentence. This whole thing IS ridiculous!
I’m with you. Unfortunately, my house is free and out in the boondocks. It’s getting to be a matter of whether it costs more to get to school by driving or if it’s more cost-effective to rent! That’s rediculous!
Oh… funny you should mention colonoscopy stories… I just read one earlier this week written by one of my regular visitors.
eastcoastlife
Actually it’s more of a photo post than a story…
Damn girl. Have issues much?
Come tell Mojo all about it…
Interesting thing about cars…at this time there’s a whole bumch of companies coming up with electric cars…